Dancing Along My Trail

You know the old adage about ballet being hard - but I can tell you it's even harder to go without. Staying at home, watching the clock, knowing there's a ballet class about to start that should have my name on it. Which is why I leave the house at the same time, and take refuge on my favorite trail by the shore. At first, my body still feels the rhythm of class, the tendus and pliés like a missing limb. I walk fast and let the sea breeze clear my head. I let the waves wash over fondues and battements, over barre and center. Before I'm half-way, I'm no longer miserable. There's a whole world outside of class, and it has the power to lift my spirits just as much as dance does. As long as I let go - for the time being.

I know I could eventually adapt to a life without dancing. Hey, I never danced for the first 21 years of my life - and those were some good times! Ballet is not my reason for living, and it is not my sole joie de vivre. There are more layers to me than tights and ballet skirts. Having said that, let me tell you this: I'm not going to give up dancing - ever. I can adjust to less class time. It just makes the anticipation for the remaining hours that much sweeter. Almost like waiting for Christmas, week after week. I can accept, albeit grudgingly, that there's going to be a (temporary) setback in my progress. I can live with stiffer muscles and less bounce in my jumps. It's not the best case scenario, but we don't always get what we want.

This has been my first week with seriously less dance. You might wonder why it's such a big deal to me, but the thing is I don't know how temporary this arrangement is. Do I get my old dancing life back next month or next year? But I've done okay. Jogging along my trail, I've let my mind wander freely - something you can't do in class! Funny though, more often than not, my head's been occupied with all things dance. I might think about a correction I got last time - how I should never mark with my hands when doing a pirouette on pointe. Must turn full out, in the correct position. Or I might savour the cool praise I got some weeks ago, about being "powerful". Or how awesome it would be to finally nail a clean triple turn, right in front of Madame... You can take the dancer out of class, but you can't take the class out of the dancer!

This evening it's class time again - and I'm already buzzed about it!

It's a barre - what else are you supposed to do with it?

Less is Not More

I was really looking forward to this dance semester. My dance school is offering daily ballet classes (Mon-Fri) at my own level, with all my favorite teachers. I was planning to continue with my Triple-Tuesdays, with technique classes backed up by pointe and even throw in some extra Sunday ballet at another school. Dance to my heart's content. But, unless current circumstances improve considerably, I'm forced to make drastic cutbacks on my dancing hours. I'll be lucky if I can manage two classes a week. I know it's not the worst case scenario ever, but it still makes me miserable.

We can't always get what we want - it's one of the earliest life lessons learnt. Adult dancers work, study, have families and budgets to balance. And unless you're living in Big City, daily ballet classes for adults are a rarity. You wish for more, but if all else fails, you have to settle for less. I have been here before. Back in my student days, I could barely afford the one weekly dance class. Fortunately, I had a teacher who gave me free classes in exchange for the occasional baby-sitting. And I was okay with less, as there was other stuff to keep me interested, busy and occupied.

It's not like ballet makes up my entire pie of life, it is merely a (very tasty) slice. But I would be lying if I didn't admit to the huge size of it! And it's not like there hasn't been an on-off relationship with ballet before. During the Big Break of 2003-2006 I didn't take a single class. This time around, however, stepping back does not feel right. For one, I'm in great shape and don't want to waste it. There is so much work to do, to learn and to enjoy!

Class Time

One class per week is an introduction, if you are new to ballet. Like nibbling on a bite-sized appetizer. You get a taste, but it's not yet time for the main course. If you have been dancing for a long time, one class per week is a reminder of what you're missing. It's also hard work, no matter what level you're dancing. Even if you stretch and work out, you're never quite ready for class. Arabesques - ouch. Jumps - where did all the ballon go to? But once is still better than never.

Two classes a week is just enough for minimal sustenance. It keeps the systems operational, without loosing bounce or closing the doors on turn-out. There's even the possibilty of progress, especially if you focus on quality. For me, this means working on my projection, on directing the eyes, using the head and presenting myself. I also need to fix the placement of my hips - I have this bad tendency of lifting my hip when the leg goes into retiré for pirouettes. There are of course many other things to think about, but it's easier to work on one correction at the time.

Three classes a week is where you move from maintenance to pushing comfort zones. Muscles start to respond better, strength, coordination and balance keep improving. Even if you haven't danced for long, you see visible progress. It is also the point where many start craving for more. That fourth class is just around the corner..

Four classes a week is where classes become a habit, a way of life. Ballet begins to take presedence over other ways of spending your free time. And you do not mind in the least. On the contrary, it is a joy to keep the motor running and yourself dancing. And your hunger keeps growing. Surely there is room for yet another class?

Five classes a week is where it seems there's no turning back. You're hooked on ballet. For professionals and dancers-in-training it's the minimum amount of class time, for you it's the ultimate in luxury. From five it's the shortest pas to six days and double classes, to obsessing about forwarded heels and attitudes, to thinking you can't live without dance. I have been there. I am here now. Knowing about all the classes I'm going to miss makes me sad. The fact that I don't know when things will get back to "normal" makes me miserable. But two classes a week is not not-dancing, and whining about it doesn't really help. I need to look at this positively. How do I turn less into a little bit more?

Pen on Paper, Foot on Floor

That's me, first day of school.

Looking back to my first day of school, it was not unlike switching from improvised contemporary dance to the discipline of a formal ballet class. But at least for me, school was not the end of freedom. I would roam about Berlin, climbing trees and ignoring fences - and then I would sit still in class, eager to learn and observe. I took to school like I would later take to ballet class.

Back in elementary school, we had classes for handwriting. My generation (and now I feel old for saying it) was still taught looped cursive, which has since become somewhat old-fashioned. We were given specially lined notebooks with three parallel lines for each row instead of a single line. Writing by hand, with ink, took a lot of disciplined practice. It requires hand-eye coordination, dexterity and developing a feel for the paper and pen connection. How much pressure to apply, which way to swing the tip so that ronds de main turn into o's and a's on paper. It was all about getting into the flow.

These days I mostly use keyboards instead of pencils. Compared to the elegant port de bras of cursive handwriting, it is all staccato and petit allegro. But the disciplined practice has not disappeared. Instead of a paper and pen, it has simply changed into feet and a floor. O's have become ronds de jambe, T's and I's degagés and piqués the dots on my i's. It is still a matter of flow, how to caress the floor and present your text/self. Music and choreography provide the framework, the lines in which to move. Letters become words, steps turn into dance. The blank page turns into space, waiting for us to write our stories. And just like our handwriting, each dance and dancer is unique.

I remember when I learned to read, how letters shaped into words that all of a sudden started making sense. It felt like something wonderful had been un-locked. All those words and books and new worlds for me to grasp and make my own! I'm no longer that eager, tree-climbing first-grader, but I'm still a student. Instead of a backpack for books, I carry a bag for my pointe shoes. Learning about arabesques, ballonés and cabrioles has not been unlike learning my ABC's. Ballet class gives me that same feeling of constant discovery and marvel.

What's In My Ballet Bag

You don't need a whole lot of stuff to dance. You need music. Some place where you can move freely. If you take ballet, a barre and a mirror. For clothing, something that's form fitting and comfy. For your feet either flatties or pointe shoes. I have on occasion managed to pack as little as one leo, leggings, flatties and a towel - and fitted all in my handbag. But usually, it looks more like this:

I have long hair, so I can't leave the house without my bunhead essentials: hair brush, pins, elastics, mirror and hairspray.  A small towel if I need to hit the shower afterwards. Antiperspirant. Lip balm, this one from Labello. My spikey pilates ball, and/or my trusted tennis ball. Good for kneading and rolling out tension in muscles and under feet. Rubber theraband for warming up. Water bottle is a must. I always carry a snack, either bananas or natural energy/protein bars like these. If there's pointe class, I can't dance without ouch-pouches. I also have a big-toe jelly tube in my bag, just in case. The ibuprofen is seldom needed, but I like to be prepared. Bunhead's stitch kit is handy for sewing emergencies. The nude coloured fabric medical tape works great for patching up canvas flatties! The ones shown here are still new, and travel along as a spare pair. All this stuff, and still not ready to step into class. No, for that I need an outfit like this:

The blue leo is from Bloch, as is the skirt. I wear my pink tights on top of the leo, which feels more comfortable. And it keeps that leo in place, no wedgies! On top of the pink tights I usually wear seamless black shorts. I like to wear another pair of black leggings for warm-up. These are old winter tights, which I cut off at the ankle. The pointe shoes featured are Bloch Balance European, and still fairly new. I've worn them for a few regular classes, just to break them in. The new flatties are Sansha Pro1 (my current flatties are too dirty to be pictured). Since this is my summer ballet bag, there are no legwarmers, wool socks or fleece zip-ups. Yesterday's ballet class was so ridiculously hot and humid, we all had sweaty rivulets running down our backs after first pliés! 

As for the rest, all you need to bring is yourself, your full attention and a happy attitude!

Summertime Ballet

My summer classes of late have been challenging in a different way. Our teacher keeps telling us to relax into more "natural" positions, not to push ourselves. I get the reasoning behind this: too much tension in the body (and mind) inhibits freedom of movement. That's why Silvia's barre is relatively short and not a developpé or grande ronde de jambe in sight. Fondues are not a separate exercise, put part of another. Frappés and petit battements are complex with quick directional changes, but easy on the legs. Still, I miss a doing a tougher barre. I like to work on achieving my own maximum turn-out, extension, pointed feet, long back etc. Not forcing anything, but for me barre has to feel like "real work." Not barre-lite.

Then again, it's summer. I could be taking a break from classes altogether. And although that barre has left me wanting more, center has been twice the fun! Silvia gives very dancey exercises, with emphasis on musical phrasing, eyes and épaulement, deeper pliés, rebound in jumps, and covering as much ground as possible. Less poses, more traveling steps, big faillis and contretemps, glissés, temps lies, continuous movement.. And there have been technical challenges. Ballonés with half-turns and battu, assemblés tournant with battu, cabrioles to the back, fouette jumps with beats. Double attitude turns finishing with soutenu, and straight into deboulés. Grand jetés italienne in manege. Tempos (or tempi) have been fast. It's been borderline comfort-zone, but that's the fun and challenge of summer classes. Different teachers, styles and new steps and combinations that throw you for a loop. Good for the brain and body. And I've made well on an earlier promise and resolution: to let go and enjoy myself!

Imagine You're On Stage, In the Bolshoi..

That's what our teacher Silvia told us to do. You can pick another theatre of your liking, say La Scala or Opéra Garnier - just make it a grand one. There has to be a third row balcony, because that's as far as you need to project your stage presence! You see, it's not enough to dance to the privileged viewers in first row. You want to dance to the ballet lovers who can only afford seats in the nosebleed section! The idea of dancing in the Bolshoi theatre made us all giggle, but everyone stood immediately a little taller. We might be just a bunch of adult dancers, but we can imagine with the best of them!

Personally, I've often found my imaginary audience to be a tricky one. When I look at the mirror, I try to think there's someone behind that looking glass - but I get quickly distracted by my own reflection. Even when I assume the standard poses, head positions included, the idea of "projecting" has yet to sink in. I suppose it's because a lot of confidence is required to present yourself in such an obvious way. But that's ballet for you.

I remember when another teacher told me to look into the direction of my hands, but not at my hands. Like when your arms are up in fifth/third/couronne - they have to be in your line of vision, but without craning your head. Or when you do an allongé - the head is turned towards, but the eyes don't linger on the wrist or fingers. Simply put, elongating your lines does not stop at the body. The eyes will take you to third balcony and beyond, as far as you want to dance.

See you at the Bolshoi! ;)

Class Outfits: Très Pink

We have no dress code in my dance school. Anything goes as long as it's form-fitting and class-appropriate. Not that I would mind regulation wear, but it's much more fun to choose your own style!  I like to mix it up: pink tights, purple leggings, black cut-offs on top of pink tights, shorts, skirts, long-sleeved tees pulled down and tied as skirts. Leos in hot pink, jade, lilac, black, red and white. Self-made tops from leggings and tights, preferably in funky colors. T-shirts with ballet logos/prints. I might even wear the occasional fake flower in my hair!

Today, I feel like pink.

Hot pink leo from Bloch, skirt Designed by Alice, tights Plume, slippers Sansha Pro1, pointe shoes Bloch Balance European.

Ballet Snapshots

Sixteen pictures have to be worth more than a thousand words, right?

Before & After

I should have tossed these old work-uniform pants out long ago, but I like to keep them as a reminder. This is what happened to me when I quit dancing nine years ago. It wasn't a conscious decision, but at the time I was going through some rough personal stuff. Dancing was simply the last thing on my mind. I never decided not to dance, I just didn't go back to class. The weeks rolled by, then months, then years. I turned into a couch potato, potato chips and chocolates in one hand, remote in the other. The extra kilos kinda crept onto me, I never saw it coming until it was all there.

New friends who didn't know me from my dancing days, never considered me fat - just voluptuous or "well-rounded". And after I was done grieving (the personal stuff I mentioned earlier), and had my life and groove back again, I honestly didn't care about the surplus of pounds. Not until hot summers and chafing thighs (sorry if that's TMI ). Not until I was actually told by a health-care professional that I had become officially over-weight. Not until I yearned to dance again. 

At that point, I felt embarrassed. I wanted to dance but I didn't want to go back to with all my added weight. I hated the idea of anyone from "before" seeing me. Now I wish someone had just kicked my butt back into class right there and then! I wasted another year not dancing. But everything changed six years ago, when I convinced a friend of mine to take ballet in addition to her modern classes. I took her to my old school, and we watched a ballet barre through the glass door. It hit me right there and then. I should be in that class! I had managed to loose a few kilos, but that wasn't why I was ready to go back. I just needed to be in that ballet class so badly, it hurt. It was a happy hurt, if you know what I mean. 

The first classes were hard on the body, but not so much on the mind. I was a bit shocked to see my former slim dancer's body enlarged in the huge mirrors, but got over it when I focused on the steps instead. Nobody in that class knew me from before, and that helped my vanity/insecurity a little. My teacher made no comments other than that she was happy to have me back. I relaxed, as much as you can relax when muscles are being pushed back into familiar moves. I started with one weekly 60 minute class, then added another, then more. The weeks rolled by, then moths, then years. Those baggy pants from the photo came loose during the first year and were replaced with one size smaller. The next year it was a smaller size still. Clothes I had kept from "before" started to fit me again. 

I never diet, but I try to stay away from too many sweets, cakes and other vices. I like to eat, and I like my treats but I like to feel healthy too. On the days I dance (which is most days), I think about carbs and proteins, energy and recovery. I might have oatmeal and a banana in the morning, a fruit smoothie later, pasta before class, a nutty energy bar, and salad with protein after. Even the occasional beer. Chocolates too. On the few days I don't dance, I just eat whatever I feel like. 

My one regret is that I didn't go back earlier. The extra pounds I was carrying had nothing to do with how well I could dance, how others would view me (why even care?) or how much I would love it. Don't get me wrong, I'm very pleased and proud to be slim and fit again - but all that has just been an added bonus. You can look at my photo and see the "before" and the "after", but I didn't return to ballet to lose weight. I returned because I had to. The excitement of learning new steps, the joy of moving to the music, the sweat and happy exertion that is ballet class. I needed to feel the sheer bliss of dance again. There is no more "before",  only now - and let us all dance happily ever after.

Prep, Sew, Pointe!

First, have a cup of coffee and relax. Lay out all the stuff you need: ribbons, elastic, scissors, thread, needle(s). I like to use Bunhead's Stitch Kit, because of the strong thread (needles are included). Dental floss works too. You are also going to need a lighter and possibly a measuring tape (not pictured). 

Prepare your ribbons. (1.) Usually pointe shoe ribbon comes precut, about 2,5 meters long. (2.) Cut the ribbon into half, then repeat until you have four ribbons of equal length. At this point it's a good idea to seal every ribbon-end to stop it from fraying. I like to use a candle, but if you're on the road a lighter will do. (3.) Take the ribbon and bring it close to the edge of the flame. The heat will melt the satin - but be careful, it doesn't take much to burn.  Kids - do this only under adult supervision! (4.) Sealed ribbon.

Before you start to sew, you need to place the ribbons. Fold the heel over until it's flat against the insole. Mark the spot next to the crease. The ribbon will fit between the two arrows pictured. 

Fold one end of the ribbon about 2 cm over, tuck the open end under. This prevents fraying. I have ironed the fold, as it's easier to sew into place, but you can survive without.

Sew along all four sides. I like to sew my upper line into the binding (just along the original stitches), but make sure you don't sew the string fast! You can tell that my sewing style is not very refined, and I don't know any technical terms, but the ribbon does hold. That's good enough. 

To keep the heel secured, I prefer to use Bloch covert elastic. It's wide and stretchy so it's comfortable, and it blends in with your leg line. Important: this elastic comes in a length of 75 cm, but you need only about 25-28 cm for one shoe. Do not start by cutting elastic into half! This way two packs of ribbon will be enough for three pairs of shoes. If it's you first time sewing covert ribbon, measure about 30 cm ribbon for each shoe. If you feel apprehensive about pre-measuring, just cut into half and don't worry about it.

Place ribbons outside, so it doesn't scratch the skin. You need about 4 cm to fold over for each side. Start along the edge of the binding, then tuck ribbon end under and sew along all sides. You want the ribbon to sit flush. 

After you have sewn the first side, stretch over your ankle, until you find the right tension. Mark and sew next to the edge of binding. Fit again. If it feels right, finish sewing. The picture above is from an earlier pair, by the way. That time I wanted the elastics on before the ribbons.

Almost done! Pull the shoes on, tighten the draw-string, and make a double knot. Trim excess string, but leave at least 2 cm so you can still adjust the fit later on. Just tuck the ends under when you wear the shoes. Tie the ribbons as you would, then trim excess ribbon. You need enough ribbon so you can still tie a knot without help but not so much that you can't tuck the ribbon ends under. Better to trim less at first then figure out what works best for you. 

Well, this is how I do it. There are of course many other ways which are just as good. Or possibly better. You might want to check out these links for more:

- Grishko Pointe Shoe Fitting - this sewing technique was new for me too, might try it next time. There's a fairly good instructional video too. Click here: Sewing pointe shoes.

- Lisa Howell (dance physiotherapist) shows you how to sew the ribbon at a slight angle. I did this once, but didn't notice any difference during class. But it might work fo you: video.  Howell has also a very good video on how to tie those ribbons (neatly hiding the knot): click here.

Done! Next step would be breaking in these babies. Let me just take a break first. :)

Ballerina Cookies, Anyone?

Finnish Ballerina cookies, with a vanilla cream and liquorice filling. Black and white, like Odile and Odette!