The Balletlove Interview

A while back, Singaporean dance wear company Balletlove.co  asked me if I would like to do an interview. As it happens, Balletlove.co is not just a dance wear company, but they also offer adult ballet classes. Which is probably why they're also interested in the adult (recreational) ballet experience... Not that it is so different at heart: professional dancer or not, we all share the love for ballet.

Here's my interview, full-length:

1. What is your earliest memory of ballet? Describe your journey in ballet from the start to now. 

When I about was eleven years old, my grandfather took me to the Finnish National Ballet to see Giselle. I remember very clearly being mesmerized by the entrance of the wilis, but the experience did not yet prompt me to sign up for classes. My best friend had been in ballet school, and I admired her for it, but I also thought it’s something that only the chosen few get to do. In retrospect, I’m glad that I didn’t start early, because inevitably there would have been disappointment and heartache. I do not have the facility for a professional career.

I was 21, when a friend suggested we take jazz dance classes at a studio close to our office. I hadn't done any kind of exercise program for quite a while, and sitting at a desk all day was already taking its toll... Jazz dance sounded like fun, so we signed up. Towards the end of that fall semester, our teacher told us about adult beginner ballet classes, and in the coming January 1991, I stood at the barre. Incidentally, the jazz dance teacher who pointed me into the direction of adult ballet now takes the same morning class as me. Oftentimes, we go together across the floor. Time flies when you dance!

2. How did you come to love ballet? What is it about ballet that you love?

Long before I fell for ballet, I loved to watch musicals for their dance scenes. Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, Cyd Charisse, all the classics. When I listened to classical music, I imagined myself moving to it. Then there was Fame (the TV-series), and White Nights with Baryshnikov (and those famous 11 pirouettes), and I found myself reading Dance Magazine at the library. I couldn’t understand English yet, but I kept gazing at the pictures. The lines of ballet, the elegance, the interplay of movement, music, stories and emotion... It lifts your spirits.


3. Do give us an example of an (unusual) thing you do to show your passion/obsession with ballet (this question is for fun)

I suppose my blogs and facebook page (Pointe Til You Drop) are testament enough ;).

4. Describe some earlier challenges you've had learning ballet as an adult and how they are no longer challenges.

One of the early challenges was going across the floor… Seasoned girls/ladies did these elegant preparations us adult late starters had not yet been taught, and I was never sure which leg was supposed to go first on which count… Also learning about directions, ecarté and effacé, and basically the entire French ballet vocabulary. I borrowed/bought all the literature I could find (this was before internet), and I know a little French from high school, so I studied the theory as well. Knowing the steps and how to pronounce them has helped tremendously.

5. What inspires you? EDIT: question Nr. 5 was missing from the original interview, so I came up with my own.

Music, musicality, certain dancers/teachers, other adult students, passion.

6. What are some challenges now? What are the feedback you regularly receive from your teacher right now? (can be both positive or not-so-positive)

One of the biggest challenge for me is correcting old & bad habits, like a sickled ankle in retiré during pirouettes, or losing that last bit of turnout in degagés (especially to the back and in ronde jambes), or not aligning my toes over knees in landings. I have to make a conscious effort every time, instead of letting my muscle memory take over. That’s why I also take a very basic level class, because there’s more time to refocus and re-learn. Another challenge is a sometime lack of self-confidence combined with too high expectations. I also tend to be my own worst critic, so I need to remind myself to let go a little, dance “under”, and enjoy the process. As for my teacher, she’s very generous with positive feedback, regardless of your background, facility, age or skill level. It’s a very nurturing environment to learn in.

What is the feedback I receive regularly? I suppose it’s the same for every student… “Keep your turnout, don’t lose it, heels forward, popo down, stretch knees, lengthen back, long neck, juicy pliés, point toes, do more, dance big, use your eyes, present yourself, don’t be shy…”

Not-so-positive feedback? As I mentioned before, I do sometimes struggle with keeping a confident and positive attitude... When those negative voices take over, I’m not the most pleasant student to teach. I get emotional, feel too strongly… I didn’t know it was so visible, nor that it could affect anyone else besides me. I learned that I cannot be selfish in class, that a positive attitude is not only to help me but also vital to a healthy and happy group dynamic. And I’ve gotten much better at managing my moods, and finding inner calm even on the most challenging of days. Actually, I’m in a pretty good place right now :).


7. Do you get down moments in ballet? How often? Do share... and how you managed those.

I think I just answered that in the previous question. Another way to manage possible down moments is to take good care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat well, prepare for class, wear something that makes you feel pretty and confident… Everyone has bad days, and gets down moments, but it’s impossible to learn and progress without failing, making mistakes, or feeling stuck on learning plateaus… What I have (finally) understood: there is no such thing as a bad day without good moments, or down moments that are not preceded or followed by something better! We tend to focus way too much on the downs, but I guess that’s human nature. The best thing is to shake it off and move on, literally.


8. What are your strengths in ballet?

Enthusiasm, curiosity, passion. I never get tired of learning. If you mean less abstract strengths, then I do have fairly strong legs, and a natural ballon. Great for allegro!


9. What are some goals and aspirations for ballet? Or in an ideal/dream world, what would you like to be able to do?

My main goal is to get rid of my bad habits, be a “clean” and elegant dancer, who is not shy to express… And, of course, to dance as long as possible!

In an ideal/dream world, I would like to be able to teach.


10. What is your ballet pet peeve?

Oh dear… Perhaps the trend of having celebrity amateur students/dancers represent ballet in the media/advertising, instead of professionals. Either have a pro (or dancer-in-training) demonstrate the steps, or have a professional teacher give class to adult students (celebs included). Don’t get me wrong: I think it’s great to make ballet more accessible to a wider audience, but it should remain ballet. It's not about being elitist, but being true to the art form and its demands. Ballet is very hard, and it takes time and patience, and proper teaching. It’s not cos-play.


11. What do you think is the greatest misconception adult dancers have about ballet?

That you have to be young, skinny and flexible to begin. Of course, youth and a “ballet-suitable” facility are desirable and helpful, but adult students do not take class to become professional dancers. Everybody can learn and progress, and enjoy the journey.

12. What do you think it is the greatest challenge an adult has learning to dance ballet?

I think that’s very individual… You can’t put all adults into the same box. There’s not even such a thing as “your average adult student”. It really depends on your motivation, abilities, natural talent, discipline, attitude, schedule, adult obligations, budget, availability of classes, the quality of teaching, your learning type… For some the challenge is mainly physical, perhaps a lack of turnout or a stiff back. For others, it’s trying to find time and suitable classes.


13. What is it like to be dancing for over 20 years as an adult? 

Compared to professional dancers/performers, it’s a very different experience: to be forever a student, but never a dancer. My goal has never been to dance on stage, instead class is an end in itself. It works for me, because I love the work but not the performing. I did participate in a few school spring/xmas shows, but to be honest, I only enjoyed the rehearsal process. Being on stage, in front of a real audience? Horrors. But I’m grateful for the experience.

I wish I could revisit the student I was 25 years ago, or even observe myself in class ten years ago… You can only dance in the present, and it’s easy to lose sight of progress. Obviously, I’m no longer a beginning student. Technically, I’m probably a mix of advanced beginner and intermediate, with a bit of advanced thrown in. I’m not just talking about “step repertoire”, but execution and expression.

As a younger (20+) student, I was perhaps more courageous and adventurous. I knew nothing, and was willing to try anything - even if steps were way beyond my skill level. As I’ve gotten more experienced, I know & see all the mistakes and flaws, which can be hindering...There really is a certain bliss in ignorance.


14. What do you think it takes for an adult dancer to improve?

A positive attitude, patience, persistence, focus & attention in class, readiness to apply corrections, willingness to try new things, and the best teacher you can find.


15. How do you friends and family feel about your love for ballet?

My family is used to it. I think they would be concerned if I ever decided to quit. My friends? Quite a few also take ballet class, so we share a love for ballet. My non-dancer friends probably think I’m a bit weird, a curiosity…;) But they’ve all been very encouraging and supportive!


16. What is your dance wear style?

Black leggings, nude/tan slippers, long skirts tied asymmetrically, leos with long sleeves, loose & long open yoga-style cardigans that I use to warm up and hide in (but which can also be wrapped around the waist or tossed aside). It’s definitely NOT a classic dress-code ballet school look… And I like to play with it, wear bright blue leggings with a blue leo and star-print skirt, or a cherry red leo with a floral print skirt, or go all in black. As long as I feel pretty and comfortable.


17. What are some of the memorable moments you've had in your ballet journey? Do share with us.

The first class I took, when I realized that I had to come back. The time my first teacher praised me for my musicality. When I nailed a challenging balance in advanced class, early on in my dance years - and my teacher’s response to it. Coming back to ballet, after a three-year absence. Taking professional morning class in Berlin (and being able to keep up). Putting on pointe shoes for the first time. Every pointe class I’ve ever had. My stage debut, scared stiff. Writing a ballet blog. Readers! Being backstage at the Finnish National Ballet, observing company class, volunteering at the Helsinki International Ballet Competitions. Wonderful teachers. Finding “my teacher” at the mature age of 41, and discovering that I’m able to do much more... Learning about all-important details, precision footwork, presentation and elegance, colors and nuances, even artistry. Applying thousands of corrections, seeing and feeling gradual improvement, the sense of accomplishment and joy… Every class since.


18. Share some funny moments you've had in ballet class.

The time we did petit allegro, my skirt slid down, and I jumped out of it. When we changed directions, and I was the only one facing the wrong side, happily… until I saw myself in the mirror (and my teacher laughing).


19. What is your happiest moment in ballet?

The whole experience, from first class to the latest and next one. There is no single happiest moment, because there have been so many!!!


20. Lastly, what would you like to be remembered for (can be anything! from words, to character, to attitude, to allegro, to being an amazing dancer) in the ballet community?

Some of Pointe Til You Drop’s followers/readers have said that my posts have either inspired them to start ballet, or to continue with their classes. I’d like to be remembered for that :).

After class, wearing my floral print Balletlove skirt.
Sorry for the less-than-sharp mirror selfie, but there was no one else left to take the pic ;)

Balletlove.co also asked if I'd like a freebie ballet skirt and leotard. No strings attached, but they would appreciate my feedback. I said yes, of course. Some time later, I received a beautiful black leotard with mesh sleeves, and a floral print skirt. Unfortunately, the leo was too small for me, so I handed it over to a young friend who's also a dancer-in-training. But the skirt has been a nice change from my usual black! 

Back to Being a Ballet Student

This is my teacher Marie Greve. Before she came to Helsinki, she was a Principal Dancer at the Royal Danish Ballet, and before that, she danced at the Deutsche Oper Berlin. She's danced all the big roles: Juliet, Giselle, Odette/Odile, as well as choreographies by Bournonville, Balanchine, and Forsythe (to name a few). Alexei Ratmansky created Anna Karenina on her, and John Neumeier his Little Mermaid. She has the most beautiful port de bras I've ever seen on any dancer, and mile-long legs that extend past six o'clock without any effort. She looks elegant in everything that she does. All of this would be impressive by itself, but Marie also happens to be the most nurturing teacher I've ever had.

I was already forty when I had my first classes with her, but she held my hand to help me with a balance on pointe and sat down onto the floor to shape my foot into a beautiful arch. In the past almost-five years, she's given countless corrections and adjustments, her patience and good humour never wavering. She saw potential where I saw obstacles. She's encouraged me to "play with my port de bras", to "colour" my dancing, and to make it interesting. Marie has made me work and dance in ways I did not know where even possible for a middle-aging late-starter ballet student like myself. It hasn't always been easy (but when is ballet ever easy?). At times, I've struggled, been frustrated, even negative. Not the kind of student you'd be happy to teach... Still, she did not give up on me. I had to learn my lessons, adjust my attitude and re-discover both the joy and discipline of ballet. Which is why I love her classes to bits. Today, Marie's back after a four-month long break - and I cannot wait to be her student once again!


This post is dedicated to all those wonderful ballet teachers who guide, correct, encourage, nurture, motivate and inspire us  - without you it would not be the same amazing experience. Thank you!

P.S. For readers and ballet students in the Helsinki area: Marie-Pierre Greve teaches at Tanssikeskus Footlight, Wednesday evenings (levels basic to advanced) and Tuesday & Thursday mornings (intermediate/advanced/pro). Note: This endorsment is completely unsolicited, I do not receive any benefits or class price reductions.

Hiatus

It's been three weeks since my last ballet class. In the past nine years, three weeks is the longest I've gone without dance. Now I'm looking at five more weeks, at least. My best case scenario: back at the barre by the 11th of August. The more likely scenario: sometime in fall, hopefully before winter. At least I'm not sick or injured, so that's good. I'm struggling with my dance budget, is all. Classes are expensive, you could easily feed yourself for two or even three days with just the cost of a single lesson! And when you are living on a very tight budget, every non-essential luxury means significant compromises elsewhere. For instance, I love to travel. But, given a choice, I love dance more. I like pretty shoes and clothes, but if it's class or a new outfit, I'd rather shop second-hand. I get my hair cut on birthdays only, buy generic brands (which often are just as good), and happily borrow occasional clothes from my more stylish friends. Ballet class might be a luxury, but I've never considered it being non-essential. The benefits and pleasure I get from dance far outweigh any compromises or sacrifices. The prospect of not dancing saddens me. A life without dance? Unimaginable.

I have been very fortunate this past year. In addition to my regular classes, I got to participate in a 6-month long intensive workshop (part of a dance pedagogy master thesis study), totaling 129 45-minute sessions (usually 3-4 sessions at once). The workshop helped improve body awareness and placement, and I've definitely seen and felt some progress since. There was even a performance at the end, in front of a small but appreciative audience. The movement material was based on our own improvised dancing, which made the rehearsals and show extra exciting! I'm very happy I had such an amazing opportunity to learn and grow.

There have been great classes throughout the year, with wonderful teachers. I've enjoyed the exercises and challenges, just as I've appreciated their advice and personal corrections. One lesson was a slightly bitter pill to swallow, and I've had to revise and adjust my attitude in the process. Turns out that negative moods (due to stress, fatigue, insecurities, whatever) can be contagious, affecting class mates and teachers alike. Facial expressions (think concentration face, or "resting bitch face syndrome") can also be misconstrued as something else entirely, for instance, showing lack of respect. When this was pointed out to me, I was aghast... Because I had no idea of the negative impact I was making! I was letting my everyday problems affect both my focus and body language, without realising it. Needless to say, I've since made every effort to improve my attitude. The lessons you learn in ballet... Not always about technique, but just as valuable, if not more so.

There have also been new teachers, and new discoveries. When my own teacher Marie announced that she would be leaving 6 weeks early, and we would have substitute teachers for the remainder of the season, I was initially anxious. I already knew that I would not be able to dance in the summer, and I did not want my last classes to lack in personal corrections and inspiration. It's not that self-evident for (middle-aged) adults to get such detailed and plentiful attention, with some teachers tending to put their main focus on more talented (and younger) students. Not that you cannot convince them otherwise, but it usually takes some time to build a working relationship. Well, I approached class with my best attitude (no pun intended), an open mind and my usual eagerness to learn - and it worked out better than I had expected! Of course, I missed Marie; the warm atmosphere, the corrections and encouragement she would bestow on us, but Arja was just as nice - and she made me work on other areas I had been neglecting. I have been "scooping up" my abs ever since! It was also fun trying more difficult enchaînements, faster tempi and new steps. Sometimes, you need those challenges to progress!

I also enjoyed guest teacher Minna Tervamäki's classes. I only got to attend four times (out of five), but having a recently retired principal dancer share her tips and "tricks" is nothing if not special. The focus was less on academic technique, more on neo-classical and contemporary ballet (think Balanchine, Forsythe..). I did not receive a lot of personal corrections (one or two per class), but there was a lot of fun dancing to compensate! In the long run, I would be frustrated not getting personal attention, but combined with other classes/teachers, it works just fine. Anyway, you cannot rely on your teacher to spot every mistake at all times, or to hope for praise every time there's a nice pirouette or balance... It's very important to develop body awareness, and to learn how to self-correct. Do it before your teacher reminds you! Also, you have to take pleasure in your progress, with our without praise.

Then, just when I thought my classes were over, there was an announcement of a 2-week summer intensive: morning classes from Monday until Friday, at a very cheap price I could actually afford! Of course, I signed up immediately. Classes were aimed at (semi-) professionals, but some exercises were simplified to accommodate a variety in levels. We had a different teacher almost every day, and while I only got a few personal corrections, it was a really good work-out! I even got to try some never-before-turns: pirouette en dehors, opening into seconde (like a fouetté), continuing into arabesque en dehors. Did not "quite" get it, but it sure was fun trying! The intensive was also excellent preparation for the Kuopio Dance Festival's courses. My going to Kuopio was a huge stroke of luck, and definitely the grand finale of the past dance season. I've already written about it (and there will be some follow-ups yet to come), but I could not have wished for a better finish - nor could I ask for more.

What happens next, and when, is uncertain. At present, I cannot afford classes, but that doesn't mean I'm quitting ballet altogether! I just need to stay in shape until I can go back again. Walking and jogging in the nearby forest, swimming, stretching, planks and pliés, plus tendus and fondues in the kitchen, ab exercises, relevés, strengthening feet with rubberband, waterballet... As long as I do something, because it's use it or lose it! So, I try to approach every day as if I have morning class the next. Eventually, hopefully, that day will come. 

Wherever there's a "barre"...

All That Jazz and Ballet Too

When I looked at the Kuopio Dance Festival's course programme, I searched for ballet classes first. That's my main focus, everything else comes second. I was delighted to see Arja Tervo teaching the professional morning classes and the adult intermediate course (among other levels). Arja substituted at my studio for six weeks this past spring, and I really enjoyed her friendly manner, positive attitude and professionalism. The combinations are more complicated and difficult than I have gotten used to, but it’s a welcome challenge. Arja also gives lots of personal and detailed corrections, and always encourages to push beyond your current ability. That’s how you do it. If you wish to progress, you have to step outside of your comfort zone, again and again! While still keeping in mind that there are no shortcuts. Solid, clean technique takes a lot of time and hard work, and the focus should always be on quality and musicality, not tricks. Better to make it simple and beautiful than to rush through levels and end up with messy in-betweens. If memory, muscle strength, proper alignment and coordination are not ready to catch up, you will risk learning mistakes - and possible injury. So, step outside that comfy zone, but don’t try to leap over a canyon. If in doubt, ask your teacher.

Okay, back to Kuopio Dance. I figured that I might be able to do morning class with the pros (dancers, teachers, students..), but that class overlapped with Pattie Obey’s jazz course. I would have also liked to take the intermediate contemporary course, but it was at the same time as intermediate ballet! Finally, I decided to take jazz intermediate (10:15 - 11:30) and adult ballet intermediate (13:30 - 15:00). There would be just enough time for a light lunch in-between.

4th floor dance studio (Kuopion Tanssistudio), with views to the City Hall and market place.

I haven't been to jazz class in, like, forever. To be more precise, the last time must have been in the mid-90s. Back then, I was taking classes with Maiju Pohjonen at the Tanssivintti dance studio, but I never progressed beyond advanced beginner. I had a hard time learning coordinating and adding of move upon move, and more often than not I fell behind. Now that I think about it, at the time I was still a beginner (basic level) in ballet - and solid jazz technique also requires solid ballet technique! Really not the best background to jump into an intermediate jazz intensive 20 years later, especially one that is being taught by renowned master teacher Pattie Obey... But, there were no basic levels for jazz at Kuopio, and I really wanted to take the plunge, hoping that my ballet would be a strong enough foundation to build all that jazz on! It felt like the right timing, despite my very limited experience. I’m not getting any younger, and you have to grab those once-in-a-lifetime chances like there is no tomorrow.

How convenient to live next to the dance studio! My usual one-hour commute was reduced to five minutes, which meant that I was always in a rush to get there. But never late! The studio is on the fourth floor, and I skipped the elevator to give myself a warm-up (which got harder with every day). When I got to the studio, I realised that I had not thought about footwear. Most dancers wore black jazz shoes, a few had socks. I slipped into my worn-out ballet flatties, only to realise that they were much too slippery for the studio floor. It was okay doing exercises in place, but as soon as we got moving across the floor, I felt extremely insecure, and tossed them back into my bag. I tried to do the next class barefoot, but it was too sticky for tendus and turns. Finally, I found a suitable floor contact with thin socks. Combined with sweat and humidity, they gave secure traction but were still low-friction enough to allow for turning and sliding. What did I learn? Always come prepared for different floors and conditions!

Before class started, Pattie asked us about our jazz dance experience. For a moment, I felt my heart sink. If I told her that it had been advanced beginner 20 years ago, would she give me a raised eyebrow? I settled for "some jazz", which is accurate enough. She also asked if we do any teaching, which is common for Kuopio course participants. Sure enough, there were two contemporary/jazz teachers in the first class, and more throughout the course (the size kept changing as many had overlapping courses, performances and volunteer duties). I said to Pattie, "just ballet", and later realised that I had inadvertently introduced myself as a ballet teacher. I'm still a bit embarrassed about it.

When class started, I was not as lost as I had feared. I think Pattie gave us a basic level introduction instead of an intermediate class, just to see what we could do. Many of the warm-up and stretching exercises were surprisingly familiar, taking me right back to my first ballet teacher Jill Miller's dance workout classes. Jill had been a jazz dancer, but she taught mainly ballet (beginners to professionals). She also gave "workout" classes, which I now realise, had elements from jazz dance warm-ups. Roll downs, flat backs, ab exercises, to mention some. Coincidentally, Jill Miller and Pattey Obey were both trained in the Cecchetti ballet method. The ballet part of Pattie's jazz class was the "easy" part, not that ballet is ever easy. But I could do the pliés, tendus and jetés and chaînés, developpés and attitudes and whatnot without overloading my brain capacity. The part where we started adding moves onto moves? Oh my...

Thankfully, we practiced basics first. Getting my somewhat rigid upper body to contract, release, isolate, roll, swing was fun - and oh boy could I feel it by day three. I realise that I've underused my body and its capacity to move in different ways! Ballet keeps things pretty square, even with neo-classical and contemporary influences. I'm always excited when teachers urge us to "dance big", but it's not easy to move away from a strictly academic style. Some teachers will admonish you right away if you go for temps lies with big sliding glissés or upper bodies that move out of their most square confines. Which is why I like Arja Tervo's and Marie Greve's ballet classes so much. They are constantly reminding us that we are no longer at "ballet school", meaning that it's time to dance and to express - not just to execute the steps in a technically correct manner. It has to be interesting, both to the dancer and to the audience (even if you only ever do class). Personalities should not disappear underneath technique! The same with Pattie Obey's jazz class.

Expression in dance class has always been more challenging for me than the technical aspect. I'm not a performer by nature, and my inhibitions tend to surface whenever we are told to "dance as if you were on stage!" In fact, after our first ballet class at Kuopio, Arja took me to the side and told me in the nicest way not to be "so Finnish." In this context, being Finnish means being too reserved. Of course, you cannot put every Finn under one hat, but it's a recognized national tendency. There's also the fear of what others might think of us. If we step out of line and draw attention to us, it might convey that we consider ourselves to be superior to our peers. "Who does she think she is?" But why take dance class if not to express yourself, be the dancer you truly want to be? I have learned that some classes work better for me than others. The atmosphere has to be positive. An encouraging teacher with a sense of humour definitely helps. As do fellow dance students. What I loved about those jazz classes: after we took turns across the floor, every group was applauded. You don't see that in ballet class, at least not where I dance.

I wish I could have danced more "out there" in those jazz classes, but I was hard at work to keep track of triplets, ball changes, funky moves and port de bras that seemed to have a mind of its own. I would have needed twice the time to pick up all the combinations, and then add some flavor. Sure, my ballet technique helped, but it also got in the way at times. I can do consistent double pirouettes, but turning from a parallel position is surprisingly difficult. Even harder when you have to finish in seconde parallel. My feet keep turning out automatically! So much of my ballet technique is embedded deep into muscle memory, which is fine for ballet, but... It was interesting, to say the least. When we did ballet steps, it was a welcome rest for my brain. Just as everything jazz was exciting to the point of being overstimulating. Too much new information to handle! I think it was day four when my brain fried (apparently not than uncommon). Day five I can't remember, but during the last two classes we did jazz in the style of musical theatre. It was a short combination out of "Over There!" (1976), and I loved it! First time I felt myself dancing, not just trying to keep up. I still messed up some steps and moves, but I had so much fun getting there!

I have to add that Pattie Obey is a great teacher: passionate, professional, inspiring and chock full of dance wisdom which I would have liked to written down, word for word. She's demanding but friendly, and has a terrific sense of humour. Pattie often told us that she's old enough to be our grandmother (well, not mine), and if she can do it, so can we. Except that she was in better shape than any of us! What did she say...? "If you stop (now), that's it." Considering that she demonstrated full out while still suffering from a cold and jet lag, I have only one word: respect. No wonder Dance Magazine has named her "Teacher Extraordinaire!"

I'm very happy that I took the plunge into jazz, it really pushed me into a new direction. Even my ballet teacher Arja noticed the change! She had urged me to show my love for dance, to present myself and to bring some pizzaz into my steps.. And I did!

Last day group photo (class kept changing, some switched to advanced when their schedule allowed it). Pattie in the middle, I'm third from left. My eyes are closed, which happens a lot in group shots. But it was a great group!

P.S. Another benefit of jazz class: All that upper body work loosened up my stiff neck. It also helped with the lower back pain that had been bothering me all year (ouch in cambré)! Since I got back from Kuopio, I've added some of the exercises to my daily pre-stretch warm-up. 

Kuopio Dance Festival, Day 1: Here Comes the Rain Again

Finnish National Ballet Summer Tour: Snork Maiden is about to be entangled by some flesh-eating Angosturas... Excerpt from Anandah Kononen's ballet Moomin and the Comet. Artists of FNB. Photography (c) Johanna / Pointe Til You Drop.

The first day of the Kuopio Dance Festival began with sunshine but ended in rain for the Finnish National Ballet's Summer Tour. Because of the moist stage, all pointe numbers had to be cancelled, and the 1-hour programme was shortened to 15 minutes. The same thing happened last year in Helsinki. Which is why I made a detour to Lahti that summer, to see the full show performed on an indoor stage. Sadly, today was the last tour date, so no chances for a rain-check. But at least we got to see four great numbers instead of none!

The first piece shown was a contemporary solo choreographed by Ville Valkonen, commissioned as a birthday present for dancer Kailey Kaba - what a cool gift! Beautifully danced too, especially under less than ideal circumstances. Finnish summer is fickle, either cold and rainy or warm sunshine. Usually, a mix of everything with no guarantees whatsoever. Any outdoor performance comes with weather reservations - although not for audiences. Finns are quite used to dressing weather-appropriately.

The ballet highlight of the short show was a pas de deux performed by Tuukka Piitulainen and Elena Ilyina. Although Elena did not dance en pointe, it still took a lot of guts from both dancers to lift and leap across a moist stage! Elena has an amazing jump, and a beautiful presence on stage - she didn't seem bothered by the cold and rainy weather at all! Tuukka was her gorgeous partner, strong and secure. Just the kind of man you'd want, in any given situation. Okay, he's way too young for me, but a girl can dream, right? 

The Summer Tour ended with an excerpt from the Anandah Kononen's Moomin ballet: fabulously costumed, flesh-eating Angostura flowers (but no too scary for the kids) and a cute pas de deux by the hippo-like Moomin couple. The kids loved it, as did the adult audience. As an extra special surprise and condolence for the shortened show, the company donated a bunch of signed pointe shoes to the fastest in line. Oh my goodness. Young ballet girls rushing to the stage like starved wild animals! Four pairs of pointe shoes were clearly not enough, so the dancers donated every pair from that last Moomin ballet: tangerine-dyed Angostura pointes. Their new owners could not have been happier!

Dance festival newbie

It's the first time I'm in Kuopio, but I almost did not make it here. I was delighted when I received the press invite, but Kuopio is a long distance from Helsinki. I had to arrange travel and accommodation on a next-to-zero budget. Luckily, I got super-cheap round trip bus tickets for a mere 20€. Which is a bargain, considering the drive takes over five hours! Then I found accommodation via the "International Network of Ballet Dancers": a friend of a friend (actually more than one, it's a small world of dance) is hosting me for the entire festival. There's even a cherry on top: the flat is right at the town square, and within easy walking distance to all dance studios and theatres. In fact, my jazz class is in the next building across the street!

All that jazz

I was crazy enough to sign up for Pattie Obey's jazz intermediate (course aimed at adults), even though I took my last jazz class back in the 90s. Talk about dancing outside your comfort zone! Usually, I don't go that far above my skill level, but there was no basic jazz course available, and I figured that my strong background in ballet would help. Guess what? It's surprisingly hard to do pliés and tendus and pirouettes in parallel! My legs keep turning out all by themselves, so deeply ingrained is ballet in my body and brain. And oh boy with the coordination of arms and head and the hips are moving and developpés are in releve plié... I had also forgotten about syncopated steps and triplets and whatnot. But Pattie teaches old school classic jazz (in a variety of styles), and you really need to be fluent in ballet as well. At least I got some moves right! It's a lot of fun though.

And Ballet Too

Of course, no dance festival without ballet class. I was happy to see that Arja Tervo is teaching ballet, because I really enjoyed her classes when she substituted for my regular teacher (Marie-Pierre Greve) this past spring. Arja is a super teacher, she's very friendly, gives lots of hands-on corrections and that all-important feedback and encouragement. Classes are challenging, but there's no progress if you don't push yourself every class you take. What I love about Arja's classes: she really cares about her students, and you can tell that she loves teaching all levels and ages. She makes us work hard, but we always have a great time. You know what else is fun? The change of scenery. Taking ballet in new surroundings, with different people.

Things I love about Kuopio

Ballet. Jazz. Everything within easy walking distance. Good coffee, and cheaper than in Helsinki. Found this great lunch place, three-course gourmet food for 10€. Friendly people. Views to the lake. And I keep bumping into old dance friends everywhere!


Coming up: Day 2 & 3, plus review of Compagnie Käfig's mindblowing, jaw-dropping, hip hopping, boxing Boxe Boxe!

On my daily walk to ballet class.

Dance studio

View from class. Really.

Studio. The floor is really springy!

Walking to and from class has never been this scenic.

VIP tickets for the shows!!

Cute Cafe Kaneli (cinnamon).

Street view in Kuopio.

My Ballet Habits

"A pirouette is not a pirouette unless you complete it." I was practising my turns on the side, when I got the correction/reprimand from our guest teacher. It was not the first time either. My own teacher is equally strict about it: you do not mark your arms in turns, and you always finish your pirouettes. In other words, cultivate only good habits.

Bad habits, once they have imprinted themselves onto muscle memory, are very hard to get rid off. You might not even know that you're doing something wrong, because it feels right. Which is why changing an old habit takes a lot of time and conscious effort. Essentially, you have to re-wire your brain. I have done this, and I'm still doing it. Some of you might remember my posts about the dreaded "banana foot", which is how my teacher describes a sickled foot. The "banana" used to make recurrent appearances in my tendu degagés and passé retirés (especially in pirouettes). I never knew I had this problem, until Madame pointed it out. For the past four years, we have been working on getting rid of it. Lots of work, countless corrections. And while the sickled foot is not yet completely extinct, it has become a rarity. I just wish I could have avoided it in the first place.

The Banana has not been my only bad habit, or tendency (or glitch in personality). Technical challenges aside, I've been working to improve my mental attitude in class as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fairly hardworking and focused student, but I'm also prone to let bad days and momentary setbacks overwhelm me. There was the video recording from class which rattled my self-confidence, the challenging stretch which I could not do (and I was extremely annoyed at this), life in general, fouetté turns in particular, body issues and whatnot. Not every class, but whenever I'm feeling more tired than usual and/or particularily vulnerable. I can get in a mood, and withdraw. It's not a happy place...

But I'm learning. That time I was super annoyed (or "pissed off" as my teacher called it), I managed to turn my mood around, and use the pent-up negative energy for a positive boost. Guess what? It was one of my best classes. The video recording? Cringeworthy, but ultimately worth it. While I was not happy seeing my many mistakes and flaws, I now have much better understanding of the work that needs to be done. It's a lot more than I thought! The body issues? Working on it. Life in general? That's a tough one. Sometimes, problems can affect my mood in class. But class is also an escape from the rest of the world, so there's that. I can give myself permission to think of nothing except ballet, at least for those 90 minutes.

Focus. My undivided attention. Not letting setbacks get to me. Making a conscious effort every time. Pushing myself, believing that I can. Those are the habits that I try to cultivate in class, along with every correction I receive. It is a challenge, but there can be no progress without change. And the way I see it, ballet is about the journey and making discoveries, never about standing still.

P.S. After the pirouette reprimand, I worked twice as hard, really paying attention to my finishes. When class was over, I continued practicing. My teacher saw what I was doing and gave me extra pointers and corrections. I need to work on my arm-plié coordination before the turn, lift my chin, and relax my neck, among other things. I'm happy to say that there has been some progress! Now I just need to make a habit out of it.

Quality, not Quantity

Quality, not quantity. How many times have you heard it, and still felt frustrated because you can't developpé your leg past 90 degrees or turn multiple pirouettes? Today, we had an adagio/stretch exercise where the last developpé a la seconde turned facing the barre. On my right side, it's a struggle every time. I try to lift my knee as high as it allows, but when I extend the leg, it feels jammed. Like something is pushing it down. I've had this problem for as long as I've been dancing. I work, do the best I can, but there's been almost no progress. You can understand how one might give up trying... Especially when the body feels tired, and the barre that I'm facing has a mirror behind it. There are times, when I don't like to look at myself. My mirror image shows my struggle, and it's not pretty.

I was so frustrated today, lifting my leg up, feeling the effort but not seeing the result, that I gave up. My mind was telling me: "What's the use, you will never have a high developpé, where's the fun in trying?" But it's no way to dance... You have to give your body and mind a fighting chance! Because when you practice halfhearted, it shows. The movement loses conviction, it becomes something that is in-between. Not ballet, not anything really. My teacher, she noticed. Of course. And she gave us (me) the Talk.

It is about quality, not how high you can extend your leg. Not even professional dancers have their extensions always up to their ears (although my teacher does). When you are well placed, a developpé is beautiful at any height. Also, it's not just about the destination. The journey is equally important. The way your foot leaves the floor (through a high demi-point), touches the shin at coud de pied, caresses the leg all the way up to your knee, stays pointed while you lift the knee, making room in your hips, engaging your core, stretching and turning out the working leg, keeping the back long, then extending, elongating, breathing, reaching out...

Work on your technique and your strength as much as your body and life allows. But as you dream of greater heights, do not lose sight of what can be beautiful right now. Make every developpé count. And please, never feel it's worth less just because it rises low. The lines you draw with your arms, feet and legs - they have no limits.

I have no picture of me in developpé a la seconde, but this is a good stretch for it.

xoxo
- Johanna

Shy Swan

This week, we have been working on this beautiful center adagio... It begins with a developpé to the front, then through first into arabesque plié, then developpé ecarté, followed by attitude promenade, into arabesque allongé. It's simple enough, though hardly easy. As if ballet is ever easy... But the real challenge comes with the port de bras. Swan arms! When my teacher demonstrated, it was as if Odette had come alive... No artifice, no cliches - but a fleeting moment of heart-stopping beauty. Feminine, fragile yet strong at the same time. Then it was our turn. "I want to see different swans... Be beautiful, make me enjoy it." At this point, [insert panic] and enter ugly duckling.

I can handle the basic second, third or fifth port de bras just fine - it's what I've been practicing since 1991. You learn the technique, and then it becomes your comfort zone. If you're a shy dancer/person like myself, it's a safe place to be. I can hide behind technique. Why? Partly, because ballet is such an unforgiving art form... A great joy to learn and to experience, but hard. Every flaw and mistake is immediately visible. Every bad day is on display for others to see. Sometimes, it feels like you're naked. But you cannot be an artist without daring to be vulnerable. Yes, I wrote "artist" - even though I'm just your average middle-aged late-starter recreational ballet dancer.

When our teacher told us to be "swans", my immediate thought was: I don't know how to be a swan, I will look silly trying to be one, which arm goes first and how did she make it look so beautiful, and what if I totally suck, and where can I hide... Lots of thoughts, even before the first move. But I gave it a try, duckling-style, and it was not so scary. Next time, Madame gave us a more detailed demonstration of the arms, and I tried to copy it as well as I could. Even though she said that the port de bras could be a little different for each of us. However, "different" means revealing yourself, showing your interpretation of the movement, your style (or lack thereof) - and I was not ready.

I'm still not 100% out there. But my confidence is growing. During the summer, I had more opportunities to "colour" my dancing, and to "play" with my port de bras - and it felt so right. After a lot of square & academic dancing, it was even liberating. Then, one of my summer teachers gave me unexpected and positive feedback, which made me very happy. I was doing my own thing (without changing the exercises of course) - and it turned out to be a good thing!

Now, it feels like everything is new again. I have a dream ballet schedule, I get to work with my favorite teacher on three days instead of one, and I have another awesome class on Sundays (with various teachers). There is still strong emphasis on clean technique, but I've been getting a lot more feedback on expressing myself. How to use my head and eyes, how to breathe into the movement, how to make it look interesting... How to dance, really. It's been an amazing experience. This duckling might yet grow into a swan.

The Wind Beneath My Fingers

I have this one bad ballet habit: my index finger which keeps sticking out like a lightning rod. I call it the pointy pointer. Like with all mannerisms, it's difficult to tell when it began and how it prevailed, but it's damn hard to get rid of. It takes a lot of corrections and reminders to retrain automatic responses. And sometimes it takes a picture to really drive the point home. A friend of mine took this impromptu shot after our last Sunday class of the season. Nothing planned about it, hence the red face (caused by lack of air-conditioning and subtropical temperatures) and no make-up (would have melted away). We were in a hurry, and only took a couple of photographs - not the hundred you would need for one perfect image. Still, I was pretty happy with this one. Had it not been for the pointy finger!

Next class, my teacher took me aside. Which means she gives you a lengthy correction, which you repeat until you get it (half-)right. This time, it was about my fingers. I have repeatedly been told to soften the movement, even to play with my port de bras. I love these kind of instructions, because I want to dance - not just do technical exercises at the barre. Of course I work continuously at improving and refining my technique, but there has to be expression in dance. The fact that I'm still shy about expressing myself in class is, however, a topic for another post.. Back to the index. It's not sticking out all the time, mind you, and I don't dance around with crab hands! But it's there when I tense up, or when I do big jumps with arms in couronne, or when I try too hard.

Yesterday, my teacher told me imagine that my fingers were moving with the wind. It made me think of leaves rustling in the summer breeze, a most welcome sound and sight after a long winter.. Hands and fingers should not be static, but just as alive as the rest of your dancing body. There can be subtle movement, even when you're  holding still. It's something to work on, and I'm looking forward to seeing and feeling the change. Such is ballet: you live, you learn and you dance. With the wind beneath your fingers. 

Without Dance

My eleven-day-ballet-break ends today. First class of 2013 is coming up, and I'm feeling both excitement and a little dread. A bit too much of rest & relaxation during the holidays, not to mention a surplus of chocolates and mulled wine.. Yesterday evening I caught my reflection in the window, and just had to practice arabesques, extending my leg as high as possible. Today my lower back reminds of the fact that I'm not the youngest dancer anymore. Ouch. I vaguely remember a time when eleven days of not dancing was no biggie in terms of bouncing back to ballet form. You went to class and were as good as before. These days I need twice the time of a break to realign myself. I need to keep this in mind, because one of my New Year's dancesolutions is this: Aim high, and work hard - but don't be too hard on yourself!

Dear Readers, I wish you a Happy New Year - many wonderful discoveries, and plenty of ballet bliss!

Snowflakes Outside my Window

Today, on the morning of Christmas Eve, I did my last dash to the grocery store. Not so much dashing as stomping my way through ankle-deep new snow. It has been snowing all of December, every single day, at least that I can remember. On Christmas Eve stores close at noon, and won't open again until Thursday. Finns take Joulu (Finnish for Christmas) very seriously and like to make an early retreat. I do enjoy this time of the year: the snowed-in landscapes, the candle light in the evenings, the mulled wine and other Christmas treats (chocolate being a year-round favorite), the Nutcracker season - and Snowflakes. I love the dance of the Snowflakes most, and wish I could just once be one. Frothy tutu and glittering tiara included. Sadly, the only snowflakes I encounter are outdoors..

Snowflakes in Royal Ballet's Nutcracker. Photo (c) Alice Pennefather / ROH.

When I was still in school, I used to ski and ice skate outdoors whenever there was snow and ice. I'm ashamed to say that I've gotten lazy since. It's much more comfy to sweat in a dance studio, even though sub-zero temperatures mean extra layers of warm-up wear. However, since I discovered that the field at the edge of the forest (I can see it from my window) is now an ice skating field.. Maybe it's time to get myself new skates? I just realised that I haven't ice skated since I started ballet! Professional ballerinas (or those in the making) are probably not supposed to, because of the risk of injury. At least that's what my teacher said. But I'm no ballerina, I can risk falling on my butt. And after twenty years of sticking to non-iced grounds that's pretty likely to happen.

Speaking of ballet (that's what this blog is about after all): I'm taking a break from ballet! Just for the duration of our eleven-day Christmas break, nothing more. And nothing less. This time around, I really need it. There was that stress from moving house, then rehearsals on top of regular classes, then the xmas show, followed by more classes and other stress... and then I kinda zonked out. The last class of 2012 went by in a sloppy-toed and tired blur. My teacher was not pleased with me, she thinks that I take class too seriously and get frustrated too easily - especially when I'm tired or stressed. Which admittedly is not far from the truth, but this time there were circumstances which I explained later. Anyway, my teacher knows me pretty well and reminded that we can't always do and be our best - and that's okay. No reason to get upset over. She's right, of course. But sometimes life is hard, and even ballet class can't make it right. Better, yes.

New York City Ballet's Snowflakes. Photo (c) Paul Kolnik.

So, I'm not really counting the last class of 2012 as the grand finale of my ballet year. That, my friends, took place in the preceding Tuesday and Wednesday lessons. In Marie-Pierre's class I got the kind of corrections that push you further, and the inspiration that lifts you higher - literally. I love that she teaches the way she sees it, without watering ballet down for us adult recreational "ballerinas". The demand for quality is always there, as is the refining of your technique and expression. It doesn't matter so much how high you can lift your legs, but what does matter is how you do it. There is not a moment wasted, not a beat that isn't danced to the best of your ability - present and future.

Tuesday's class was even more awesome than usual. Because of the upcoming Holidays, there were less of us - which translated into more to do and more corrections from a very demanding Marie-Pierre. Sure, I could sometimes take class without, but getting those personal corrections always changes something for the better. Or, at least it gives you an idea where to go from here. For instance, when were doing ronde de jambes, I was told to watch out for that last moment in ecarté (the hardest bit). There are still a few millimeters left to turn my heel out even more. Not forcing anything, but using proper alignment and awareness. I'm continuously surprised that there is so much "more" for me to accomplish! "More!" is in fact something I frequently hear from Madame. It means being generous with your/mine plié, with the length of your allongé, with you presence and projection.

Artists of the National Ballet of Canada backstage at The Nutcracker. Photo (c) Bruce Zinger.

Another awesome moment of Tuesday: I finally nailed my pirouettes right in front of my teacher! She was walking backwards, following our line (a little unnerving) - and I felt confident and on top of my legs. Clean doubles, both en dehors and en dedans. Clean meaning properly aligned heels, which is always a challenge for me. Madame keeps reminding me every time, but this time even she was finally happy. Result! There was also a moment in pointe class. We were doing balances in center, and I had that same secure and calm feeling. From fifth, degagés en avant and arrière (about 45°), and passé retirés - plié and repeat. It's impossible to do the entire exercise without a wobble, but I managed a few nice balances. Marie-Pierre gave me an appreciative nod afterwards on top of the regular praise (she's very generous that way). Yay! There was more, both in the way of corrections and getting-it-right moments - but I want to wrap this up in time to unwrap my xmas presents...

Snowflakes from San Francisco Ballet's Nutcracker. Photo (c) Erik Tomasson.

Wednesday was "Johanna's Pirouette Day." Really, that's what our teacher Gabriella called it after class (not those exact words in English, but that's the gist of it). Most had left already, only a dance buddy (with better turns than mine) was still there. I would have known it even without the praise, but it's always nice being acknowledged. Especially after a very long and insecure non-turning plateau. I'm not sure what was different, because I know my technique has been there for much longer. It must have been the calm and happy state I was in. No stress, just having fun, while remaining focused in the moment. Even my bad spotting was better - and I managed a rare triple (rare for me). My pirouettes were not the only cherries of that class, it was the entire atmosphere: relaxed, fun, motivated. I had enough energy to do two classes back to back, and Gabriella pushed me to go for a deeper penché and a higher leg. Apparently I can do it! Yay!

But now it's time to rest and recharge ballet batteries. My right knee has been acting up since Thursday, I suspect it's something to do with quads and their tendons, right where they attach at the top of the knee. It hurts when I do a deep plie on one leg, and gets achy after being bent for too long. I have now eight full days to recover, and hope that does it. All I plan to do is enjoy the snow (inside and outdoors), watch several Nutcrackers, read some, write some, eat well and plenty, meet family and friends and have a lovely time. I wish you the same: a wonderful Christmas and Happy Holidays!

- Johanna

All photos not credited are (c) Pointe Til You Drop.

Moving Day

I've been saying that home is where the barre is, but last week I found myself a new home. Initially, this was not by choice but out of necessity. My old building is undergoing massive renovation and us renters were asked to vacate our apartments by a certain due date. I found my new place pretty much last-minute, and had to arrange everything within a week. I gotta tell you, I haven't been this tired in years. Did a crazy amount of sorting, recycling and throwing stuff out, packing, lifting, carrying, and unpacking stuff. The amount of said stuff one person accumulates over the years is just unbelievable. I finally had to say goodbye to stacks of ancient Dance Magazines (I saved one), shabby leos and even most of my old (pointe) shoes. But I did make a few fun discoveries in the process, like ballet programmes I had saved from almost twenty years ago..

Well, I couldn't throw Darcey out! The issue is from September 1994, and Darcey was hailed as a Balanchine natural..  The programme in the middle is from Platel's and Legris' guest performance in Giselle, here at the Finnish National Ballet. I can't believe it's been twenty years! I still remember that night, it was pure magic. Legris had the most insane batterie, and Platel was just so delicate and beautiful. Another thing that continues to amaze me: I have danced a small bit from Giselle on that same stage! Of course it's not the National Ballet's stage anymore (they moved into a new building), but I love the history of that old theatre. On the far right is the programme from POB's 1995 tour to Finland. I got to see "Paquita" (Grand Pas and Pas de Trois), Balanchine's "The Four Temperaments" and Forsythe's "In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated". Etoiles such as Nicholas Le Riche, Laurent Hilaire, Monique Loudières, Isabelle Guerin, principal dancers Agnès Letestu, José Martinez, and up-and-coming dancers such as Aurélie Dupont. It was absolutely breathtaking and flabbergasting, and I still remember the chills down my spine.

In between the packing and unpacking I managed to sneak in a few ballet classes. Which I can barely remember, I was that tired. But I needed class so bad even a snow storm couldn't stop me! My body was in all the wrong kinds of pain: stabbing needles in my neck, weird aches all over - I knew a good barre would set me right again. And that it did, although it took me almost a week to recover fully. Meanwhile, lots of wobbly balances and spaced-out moments mid-music. Who knew left and right could be so hard to keep apart? But I'm good now - and happily settled in my new-home-without-a-barre. It's a tiny studio, but neat and with a nice view into the woods and the sky above. The name of the street has a poetic sound to it, and if I were to translate it into English, I could say I'm living on a moonbeam.. Kind of fitting for a former wili, don't you think?

My Big Move inspired me to make another change: I moved my barre spot in class! We had to switch studios because one of the fixed barres snapped into half, and apparently you can't buy spare barres off the shelve. So while we wait for our new custom-made barre to be delivered, we have taken over the big studio with the grand windows and view to the theatre and Finland's biggest department store. It's a nice view, with Christmas lights and snow-frosted trees. I had already settled back into my old spot, but after moving homes I decided to be bold. I switched in front of a window, which is a bit drafty this time of the year, but I get to see myself in profile to the mirror. It's not my favorite angle, but that's why it makes sense! My teacher noticed my move too, and thought it a good idea. Now I can check my alignment in the mirror and adjust my popo, turn-out, heels, and whatnot. Mind you, this is not a permanent move. Once we get back into our regular studio, everyone is likely to return to their old spots. Still, it all feels like new beginnings..

My Barre-Spot

Note to self: working leg needs to be slightly more to the front.
That will drop the hip down and improve turn-out.

There it is, my spot at the barre. I take it without even thinking about it, and so far I've never had to chase anyone away. Not that I would.. Okay, not entirely true. When we still had class in our bigger studio, my spot was at the short end - and because the piano was against the same wall, there was only room enough for one. At least when class was not over-crowded. I was very attached to that barre-spot, and everyone else had their places marked too. But occasionally there was a drop-in student who went straight for my spot (even though I already had my water bottle in place), and I just had to let her know. "I'm sorry but this is my place." I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, even though lots of dancers are known to be quite territorial about their barre spots!

Earlier on, I used to change places fairly often to get different views in the mirror (or no views). But, when you have the same crowd coming to class it all kind of settles into a routine. And it's nice and it feels a bit like coming home. I like my spot at the barre because there's no one in front to distract me. Which also means there's no one to copy from, so I really have to pay attention! I gotta tell you, there have been a few times when I've regretted being first in line. Ever had total black-outs right after you said "no" to the "any questions?"

I like having a bit of a familiar routine in class, but there are drawbacks to being stuck on the same spot.  Like in my Tuesday class. Our teacher does her demonstrations in front of me (I make room), and then begins her barre-round with me. Which means I frequently get corrected during my first plié, but almost never mid- or end-exercise. I don't think my teacher has ever seen me doing cambrés in seconde, up in relevé. I have pretty good balance, and it's something she might note. Or correct, if needed. Although, sometimes when an exercise ends in a difficult balance, and she hasn't seen everyone do it, she will have you do it again. And check the entire barre.

Still, I think I might benefit from an occasional change of barre-spots. Question is, who will trade theirs with mine? And can I have mine back afterwards?

Midway through fondues.. Hang on, it was fondue devant, close to fifth,
then degagé with the back leg into low arabesque, close again and
continue with fondues a la seconde. Possibly.

Home is Where the Barre is

At times it feels like I'm adrift in a sea of uncertainties, without any clear outlook on my future. Who am I going to be when I (finally and supposedly) grow up? What's my next job like? Where will I live? What the heck am I doing with my life? Is this really it, and should I have already counted my blessings many times over? But when I dance, there are no such conundrums.

I go to class and my anchor is thrown. For one hour, 90 minutes or three classes, I know I'm in the exactly right place. No place I'd rather be. Dancing makes me happy; before, during and after class. There are days when it's all the joie de vivre there is, but how many do experience such enjoyment on a daily basis? Granted, not every class is or has been wonderful. Sometimes I just don't feel it. I might be tired and sore, and lacking confidence and spirit. But even those bad days have been worth it. If nothing else, they at least have paved the way for better times!

As I type this during the last hour of Sunday, I can't help but have a smile on my face. There is no Sunday night blues, no worries. I know there are many who dread Mondays, but for me it marks the beginning of another week of dance. And I look forward to coming home, once again.

My ballet buddy and I having a great time.