My New Year's Dance Solutions

1. Remain curious. Be open to new ideas, suggestions and corrections.

With ballet practice relying so much on repetition, it's easy to get settled into the same old routines. But developing your muscle memory is more than going through the motions. To make exercises into dance, you have to stay awake and alert. What is it that you're really doing? Are you applying all corrections as well as you could? Do you ever question and understand the mechanics of both your weaknesses and strengths? Do you attempt to self-correct, find new ways to improve? There is a lot of excellent dance literature and dance videos for additional study. Sometimes, it's also a good idea to seek out a new studio and teacher (you don't have to abandon your old one).

2. Take care of yourself

Get enough sleep, rest and enjoy a well-balanced diet. There are degrees of fatigue: feeling tired after a long day doesn't necessarily mean a bad class, in fact it's often the opposite - you leave feeling like a new person! But if you're tired all the time, haven't recovered from previous classes, muscles are heavy and sore, and you're low on energy... Then you're setting yourself up for disaster. Your brain doesn't communicate with your body as well as it should, fun challenges turn into frustrating obstacles, your positive attitude evaporates, and you even risk injury. I've been there, but I've also learned my lesson. For example: When I get home after my Wednesday evening class, I've only one hour to get ready for bed (if I want a full 8-hours of sleep). I have to unpack my bag, pick out new stuff for Thursday morning class, shower, eat and stretch. What not to do: log onto facebook, or any other social media. I love to share, like and comment, but it's very distracting! And after that last ballet class, I'm hyper enough as it is... You know the feeling?

3. Practice good habits

Practice does not make perfect, but practice makes habits - and good habits make you a good dancer! It starts at the beginning, which is why I like to take a weekly basic class. Slow and simple exercises give me time to focus on proper placement and line, and to improve tendus, pliés and turnout. Luckily, I have a teacher who does not make it easy for me. Just because I have studied ballet for over 20 years, doesn't mean everything is super clean (technically speaking). Far from it! I'm still working to fix quite a few not-so-nice habits (the recurring banana foot, and losing my turnout in ecarté). I love going back to the basics. Sometimes, it feels like being back on solid ground. To give myself an additional challenge, I do the class often on pointe.

4. Be a fearless learner

Focus, pay attention, apply yourself - but don't worry about making mistakes! True, you might not look very graceful on your first or even fifth attempt, and you might make a complete mess out of that complex pirouette... So what? It's not a competition, not an audition. And even in auditions, artistic directors look at how well you recover from mistakes or falls - the mistake itself is not such a big deal. Don't turn a failed pirouette diagonal or a bad day into an existential crisis. Your teacher wants you to learn, to do well and enjoy yourself. She/he knows that it takes many tries, failures and a lot of work. That's why s/he keeps correcting you, not to criticize but to help you. Fear less, dance more!

5. Make it interesting

Who wants to look at a boring dancer? Dare to dance big, to challenge yourself, to go boldly where you haven't danced before. Even when it's basic class tendus, every tendu is dance. It's always movement, never dead. Ballet school robots are not interesting, expressive dancers are. This includes your face and your eyes. Dance outside your bubble and let your eyes sparkle. Express your love of dance!

6. Bring a positive attitude to class

Ballet is hard. Don't make it harder on yourself, or others (this includes both your teacher and fellow students). Of course, you're allowed to have feelings, nobody is immune to frustrations or bad days... But keep in mind that negative moods can be contagious, and dampen the joy of others. Even your teacher can be affected - and all she/he wants is to give you a great class! It's also a waste of your valuable class time. Whenever you feel a negative mood lurking, try to postpone it until after class. With the risk of sounding like a kitchen psychologist: acknowledge the feeling, put it aside and move on. You can deal it with it later on. Either you forget all about it, or realize it wasn't a problem to begin with, or you can be proud of yourself for acting positive. Having said that, there are some problems you cannot shut out of class. If you're having a difficult time, and can barely manage (but class is still respite), say something to your teacher before class. You don't have to be a perfect student all the time. It's fine to do less, it's okay to take care of yourself.

7. Cultivate a positive body image

I've struggled with this, on and off. Not having a body that is considered "beautiful for ballet", despite all my passion and hard work. In this context, "beautiful for ballet" means a physicality that is suited for a professional career - and very few people are! But when you look at facebook, instagram and pinterest, it can seem that everybody out there has that beautiful ballerina body... Except you. My body type is short, sturdy, with square shoulders, wide hips, big thighs, big hands, muscular legs. I'm almost 47, and seem to have missed the memo where it says: "Start your upper body workout now and never ever take a day off!" There are wrinkles on my body which I've not noticed before. I've gained weight, again. It does affect my body confidence in class, no use lying about it. But ballet class is not a beauty pageant! Nowhere does it say my body is not suitable or pretty enough to learn ballet and enjoy myself! How well you dance does not depend on your body shape. A beautiful dancer is not born, but made - with hard work, discipline, musicality, artistry, and passion. When I see myself in the mirror, and feel less than confident and pretty, I try to remember this. Dance is movement, stories and moods told to music... There's so much beauty, right there.

8. Be grateful, stay humble

I never take my dancing for granted. I'm grateful for every class, even the hard ones. Especially the hard ones! I'm grateful that my teacher Marie has never lost patience, nor interest. After five years, hundreds of classes and thousands of corrections, she still takes care... And that means so much to me! Also my other teachers and classes... I've had some wonderful learning experiences last year, with Ophélie, Misha, Nicholas, Jarkko, Arja, Virve, Pattie, Minttu, and Dmitry, the best pianist ever. I'm looking forward to more hard work, to new and old challenges, to many mistakes, lots of corrections, single turns and sometime triples, balances and Balanchine steps, a bit of progress and a great deal of bliss.

Wishing you all a wonderful New Dancing Year!

Dance Away

It was my third class with our guest teacher, and the tricky exercises were at last familiar. Not easy by any means, but I was no longer getting lost within all those changing directions. Time to focus on technique and corrections. But with a huge studio full of students, there was no time for any personal feedback. I had to fall back on myself. And as soon as the music started, so did the record in my head: Ribs in. Knee over toes. Point those toes! Are my knees stretched enough? Is my leg in derrière crossed enough? Am I sitting? Must round arms more. Relax those fingers. Shoulders down. Where is my head, where do I look? Stomach... I'm not using my abs. Heels... Must forward heels in degagé, work through demi-pointe. Don't lose turnout!! No banana feet. The toes! Breathe, remember to breath.

Only when it came to ronde de jambe à terre exercise, I found my calm. Plié degagé devant, in effacé, with the free arm in fifth/couronne, then to a la seconde, then to the back, in effacé again, allongé. Our accompanist was playing another beautiful piece of music, and I started to feel... The many voices in my head simmering down to one: "You can do more." And then it happened. I was dancing as if no one was looking... And no one was. It did not matter. I felt complete, beautiful. I had my moment.

Still, I'm happiest in class when I have my teacher to guide me. My brain is much too busy, over-thinking and over-correcting all the time. It's another aspect about ballet class which I like so much: I don't have to make all the decisions. Our teacher gives us the exercises and combinations, and we follow her directions and apply her corrections. Of course, it doesn't mean that you sit back (no sitting in class!) and stop working. But it means I can focus on the dancing right away. I trust my teacher to push me into the right direction, to captain my ship when needed and to let me sail away when I'm ready...

A Paler Shade of Pink

Peachy or a paler shade of pink? Depends on the light and skin tone underneath. Both feet pictured are mine.

When it comes down to legwear for ballet class, I prefer black leggings over pink tights. Black feels more grown-up, post-grad, individual, even slightly rebellious. Although I never went to a ballet school that required pink tights, so I'm hardly expressing a new-found freedom. Mostly I prefer black because I feel less exposed, as opposed to the overexposure of pale pinkness. And it's no secret that black is slimming. You don't really see women wearing almost white opaque hosiery outside of ballet, do you?

Having said that, pink ballet tights are not without advantages. For one, you see more. Muscle tone becomes more visible, and it's easier to correct and maintain proper alignment. You become more aware of your placement. That is why I do wear pink from time to time. Usually, I add black long shorts and a longish black skirt on top. Like I said before, I don't like to look/feel too bare in class. But a couple of weeks ago, I took the plunge. For the duration of barre, I skipped the skirt and extra layers, wearing only my leo, short shorts and those pink tights. Guess what? It wasn't half as bad as I feared. Sure, at first I felt self-conscious. I wish my bottom half would have a more ballerina-esque look. But I worked the pink tights to my advantage. I pulled up, lengthened, stretched, pointed and presented my feet to their max. The unbroken line of ballet pink tights and shoes made my lines look longer. And pretty good, if I may say so.

Practicing my passé retirés (front to back) for the show.
Wearing Danskin tights.

The last time I had worn pink, was for our spring show. I had been gifted a pair of Danskin's "Style 32 Backseam Footed Tights," in a semi-opaque ballet pink. I was told that they look very flattering under stage lights. The weave is such that it lets more of your own skin tone through, and they did make my legs look nicely defined. The backseam was a bit tricky though, I had to make sure it was in a straight line. The waist goes up very high, right under my boobs, and the waistband felt a bit constricting. But it worked well under the thick fabric of my tutu's bodice. So, all in all, a good choice for the stage.

Fresh out of the package. The ribbons, by the way, are still waiting to be sewn. 

My current pair of tights is from Gaynor Minden. I was in fact contacted by one of GM's distributors in Europe, Dancemania, and asked if I would like to try and review some of their Gaynor Minden products. Would I ever! Trying out dance stuff has to be one of my favorite jobs! I made sure that they were looking for an honest review, and then chose some products for my first goody bag ever. So, the tights. They are called Adult Convertible, and are made up of 85% nylon (70 den microfiber) and 15% spandex. I checked the sizing from their chart, and size medium was a perfect fit for me. The waistband could be a bit wider and softer, but I suspect that ballet tights are not made with the average woman in mind. After the first wash, I stretched it out some, and now it fits more comfortably. I have worn and hand-washed the tights for about two weeks now (seven or eight classes), and so far, no snags or runs. The colour is as peachy pink as my Bloch pointe shoes, but pales when you put them on. They are quite opaque (70 den), but I like that they feel a bit more supportive than my usual leggings. The best feature is the convertible opening under the foot. Compared to my Bloch tights, the finish is done with much better attention to durability. At first, I thought the opening was too small and would snag when I rolled it up from under my toes, but it stretched well enough.

After two weeks of wash & wear, the color is a bit paler. But I've never met or seen a pair that doesn't turn from ballet pink to ballet grey, at some point(e). I know you're wondering about the pointe shoes with just the elastics on..
But more about that in a later post!

I have to admit that being asked to test-dance the GM tights gave me the push I needed to step out of my ubiquitous black leggings. I'm not going to ditch them forever (I always have a spare in my bag), but I am going to get more mileage out of my pink ballerina tights. I'm beginning to like how they look on my legs.

First Tutu

Took off my tutu, left the theatre, went home, took the trash out, removed my stage make-up, would have loved a cold beer, drank milk instead and thought: was this already it? So many hours and weekends spent in rehearsals, and then the show was over in an instant. I did well enough, could have done better (there's always room for lots of improvement), but I didn't fall over or forget any steps. Somewhere between the nerves and trying hard not to f*** up, I actually had a moment were everything was just fine. And I'm so pleased with the way our (mostly) adult corps de ballet held its own - it really was a lovely and impressive performance all around.

It was also my first time in a real tutu.

Playtime

Looking at my last post "Without Dance", I should have named it "Without Blogging" instead. But, as life happens, sometimes you get busy with stuff and other stuff suffers. Not to make a mystery of it: I went back to full-time paid employment. Which was a welcome change after stretching my budget till no end. Seriously, the end of all ballet classes was thisclose. So you can imagine my relief and enthusiasm after finally finding what I was looking for, and still being able to dance as much as I want. And need. But the blogging has been hard to squeeze in. For a while, I moved "operations" over to facebook - but I do miss the writing (and hope you've missed it too.) So much for explaining my blogabsence. Now let's get on with the blogging!

"I Want to See Colours From You"

That's what my teacher told me, some weeks ago. I trust she was not refering to my class attire, although I did change into a more colourful outfit the next week: a red cotton tank top, which goes well with my two-layered ballet skirt (black & red), and a crocheted multi-colour triangular scarf to tie around my waist. I figured that it would at least work as a reminder. Because what my teacher was essentially telling me, is that my dancing is kind of bland. Technically fairly neat and clean, and all the arm and head positions correct, but without colours and nuances. Madame wants me to be more pronounced with my épaulement, more creative with my port de tête, and not look like a ballet school robot. She wants to see me dance in class, at the barre, in center - and then do the same on stage. Which is possibly the best feedback I've ever gotten. There was really nothing negative about it ("bland" is my own choice of word). Instead I feel like I've been given a positive task, a compliment even. She must think that I'm ready for it.

If all else fails... ; ) Dancer: Ilmira Bagautdinova. Photo (c) Mark Olich.

"Play With Your Port de Bras"

Seriously, how often do you get told to play in ballet class? For me, it was a first. Now, I've always been confident about my port de bras, and have considered it as one of my strengths in ballet. Madame said nothing to the contrary, she even called it nice and pretty - but now she's asking me to play. Again, I think this is positively awesome advice. All my other classes are very much text-book academic, at least at the barre. Even allongés are strictly regulated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to strict ballet class academics. You do need to learn the rules first before you get to break them. Playtime is earned.

Colour Me Happy

I have to admit that I've been somewhat shy to follow these new in-colour-instructions. I'm not one to shout out my presence in class, or elsewhere for that matter. Blogging is different. But I've noticed something very interesting. When you focus less on your feet, and think more about the upper body dancing - you dancing - then the rest follows much more easily. It can be no coincidence that my triples have returned at the same time I started to "play"! And it makes class so much more joyful when you get to infuse some of your own personality into everything.

Up until recently, I used to think that my weak points (lack of flexibility and turn out, among others) would always outweigh my strong suits and set me apart from the more talented crowd. You know, along the lines of "she dances quite well for an adult, shame about the _____ (insert whatever perceived or real flaw). But it's not like that at all. I have it in me to be a beautiful, elegant and expressive dancer. It's not going to be easy - but I fully expect it to be wonderful. This is why I love to dance, after all.

Change is Good

A fitting t-shirt for ballet class, don't you think?

It's happened again. My pirouettes have gone haywire. The moment I go up, I loose it. It's the weirdest thing - and seriously annoying. With all my years in dance, I should be able to pull off consistent double pirouettes, right? But I do have an idea why my turns have become deranged. It's like my system operations have been updated, but those darn pirouettes are still running on an old app. Seriously, I have been getting so many corrections, that my brain is frizzing out trying to implement new alignments and dynamics. And since I can't really re-boot myself, I'll just have to accept that turning is going to be rocky roads for a while.

It's again about quality, not quantity. My teacher doesn't care for "dirty triples" (neither do I). What she wants to see is clean, elegant, refined dancing. The very thing that defines classical ballet. For my turns this means paying attention to the turning pose, specifically my en dehors and heel-toe alignment. There is still a slight tendency to sickle the foot in passé retiré, making the dreaded banana shape. I have been working on this for the past two years, and it's definitely gotten better. My teacher keeps a close eye, and she's not just pushing for a correct position, but for my maximum best. This is not limited to pirouettes alone, but to every other step and movement.

It's not easy to change ingrained habits. Especially not in ballet. I'm not going to say that I was a poor dancer before, but there was more room for improvement than I even thought possible. I'm talking about the basics: pliés and degagés, turn-out, placing toes above knees, stretching your knees to the max, pointing the toes, forwarding heels, keeping the shoulders down (and the popo), the back and neck long, the hips in line, and the list goes on.. Ballet is hard, but the choice is mine. I could continue dancing the same way I have done for umpteenth years, and have a fairly good time. Or, I accept that change doesn't come easy, that it can be frustratingly slow work - but it will make me a better dancer.

Yesterday I was feeling a little shitty, with my pirouettes all over the place and a general and persistent feeling of insecurity. After class I had a talk with my teacher, and she pretty much confirmed what I had been suspecting already: I'm trying so hard to make all the required adjustments that it's throwing me off balance. In other words, now that I'm aware of what I should be doing, it's messing with my old way of doing, well, basically everything. But whereas I thought that I'm just not getting it, Madame informed me that it's perfectly normal to feel this way right now. Then she told me that I have improved a great deal in the past years, that I'm doing really good work - and that I should be proud of myself! Can you imagine what it felt like hearing those words? I swear I grew an inch right there and then.

It Never Gets Easier, You Just Get Better

As we work our dancer's asses off and advance technically, class gets more difficult in proportion. Basically, you never get a break! As soon as you get comfortable, new steps and choreography mess with your head and feet. And once you get that right, you realise that even your basics are not without flaws.. It's a constant roller-coaster ride, and not the first time I've used that metaphor.

But you do get better. How do you know? Look back to when you started at point zero. Did you know about pliés and degagés and pirouettes and pas de chats? Nope, didn't think so. If that's not enough to convince you, take a class that is one level below your current comfort zone. Steps that you deemed too difficult back then are most likely now part of your regular repertoire! Assuming of course that you have been paying attention and working your butt off.. ;) Even if you are the most self-critical dancer you should be able to see some progress. Allow yourself to revel in this fact, at least once in a while. Then get back to work!

Before you do, go check out 4dancers great website. This month the focus is on the adult ballet student, and yours truly is featured as well. You can find my interview here: Adult Ballet Student. Be sure to read the other interviews too, they are all inspirational adult dancers!

But before you do that, I have to share some awesome news with you. I'm going to the Finnish National Ballet's company class tomorrow morning! Barbora Kohoutková is teaching pointe class, and I get to observe, take notes and write all about it! It's going to be my first installment of a new serial "Behind the Scenes", featuring dancers (and pointe shoes) of the 90 years old Finnish National Ballet. Be sure to check out the video below, it's a fun and multilingual birthday greeting from a very international company!

Adult Ballet Dancer

You may have seen different versions of this on facebook, all funny and to the point. Teachers, doctors, yoga teachers.. but not an adult ballerina in sight! Are we not a force to be reckoned with? Well, long story short, I came up with my own. Enough said.

P.S. While the story board is my "intellectual property" (hah!), all photos have been shamelessly ripped off from the Internet. However, the last one can and should be credited to photographer Angela Sterling. The soloist in glorious grand jeté is Lindsi Dec, and the company Pacific Northwest Ballet.

Friday Evening - Happy Hour at the Barre

Friday evening, and nothing feels better than finishing the working week at the barre! First up, 90 minutes of advanced ballet with our new ballet teacher, The French Ballerina. At times I get a little distracted, because of her insanely high extensions and wonderfully expressive port de bras. It's a great class. She is a lovely person and a terrific teacher, giving everyone lots of personal attention and positive feedback. The barre is fast-paced, with quick degagées, developpées and enveloppées, and lots of balances. In the center we do a beautiful adagio, which has me both terrified and excited. Terrified, because there's a real chance of looking totally silly, and excited because I feel like I could express something with my dancing! And I even managed to pull off a couple of triple pirouettes! The class ends late, with no time for reverance, but there's big applause and I quickly rush to change into my pointe shoes.

I had given up on the idea of doing pointe. Too old, too late, too hard. However, after some 16 years of practicing ballet in soft shoes, I started to feel that not learning pointe would be something I was going to regret. So, when our teacher Gabriella Serra told us that she would start teaching pointe classes this August, beginners included, I jumped at the chance! Not too late after all! Pointe class turned out to be much more challenging and difficult than I anticipated, but fast-forward ten weeks and ten classes, and I'm still excited about every new exercise. Then, just as I'm getting the feel of pointe shoes (and first blisters), Ms Serra goes on maternity leave. Happy news, but I wonder what will happen to our adult beginners pointe class... Enter our new teacher, Marie-Pierre Greve, aka The French Ballerina. 

We are all a bit dumbfounded to have such an elegant principal dancer teach our adult class. Ms. Greve retired from the Danish Royal Ballet just two years ago, at the age of 38, and it shows. One of my friends tells me that she would buy a ticket just to watch her port de bras. I've had many good teachers over the years, but taking class with Ms. Greve does feel a bit like winning the ballet lottery!

There I am, standing at the barre, on pointe, in a really scary wide second position. Ms. Greve is sitting at my feet. She takes hold of my left foot, molding the arch and telling me to point more, and I do my best to comply. “There, you see, you can do it!” she exclaims, looking quite delighted at the result, until she sees my other foot all un-pointed and starting to turn in. At that point(e), I feel the need to apologize but instead I merely nod when she tells me that there is plenty of work to do, that I have to get stronger and that there would be no pointe for me (sorry, pun intended) if I could not get properly over my box at all times. I keep nodding my head, as my power of speech is frequently lost in ballet class. But I know what I want: to learn how to dance on pointe!

Class is more difficult now, with quick echappées and single leg passée retirés in center. I feel my legs no longer belonging to me, and have the hardest time getting up and staying there. But Madame is très sweet, encouraging and correcting everyone. She even takes hold of my hands to help me with a challenging balance, and I try my hardest to get it right. At the end of class, my feet are smokin' hot and I'm feeling slightly disoriented. It's like I had one drink too many, in a foreign bar where I don't quite understand the language. Then, I catch my reflection in the mirror, red cheeks, glowing skin and grinning from one ear to the other. It's been another happy hour at the barre!

Pointe in my kitchen. November 2010.