Is it Show-Time Already?

Nothing has been confirmed yet, but looks like we're going to reprise our Don Quixote -inspired dance for the school's xmas show! Yay! Now it just depends on whether we get enough of our original cast together. It's always tricky with us adults, especially right before the holidays. We have to be able to commit to additional rehearsals, and be free to dance just two days before all of Finland retreats home to spend Christmas. I know some of our "corps" has travel plans, while a few others are no longer at our school (or even in the same country). I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we get to go back on stage - I have really missed the experience!

I also hope to dance and perform better than I did last time. (Read the re-cap from our spring performance here: Ballerina for a Day.) Our teacher has already given us pre-rehearsal preparation to do: we have to rewatch the video from the spring show and rememorize our steps and positions. I remember being much too nervous to enjoy my entrance, and it shows. My piqué attitudes look like a dog trying to take a leak. It still makes me cringe, but not so bad that I can't make a joke about it! This much I've learned from my very few performing opportunities: there's always something you could have done better (and did do better in rehearsals). You might sail through the most difficult part and then screw up the easiest steps. It happens, shit happens. But as long as you keep going, it doesn't really matter. The audience wants to see you do well and have a good time on stage. You want the audience to enjoy your dance. It's a win-win situation, even if you should fall on your butt. Which I haven't done yet. Phew..

My attitudes are not the only thing that I look forward to make over. Watching that video, I keep wondering: where's my smile? I need to smile! Show some teeth! True, it's hard to flash a genuine smile when you're nervous and trying not to mess up the steps.. But maybe if I just fake it at first, it becomes natural as I dance along? I also need to work on my épaulement, it's still too "ballet class" and not enough Don Q. Gawd, the list of repairs doesn't end there. Must have a snappier head while spotting chaînés deboulés, and prettier arms when jumping. And please, not forget to point toes and stretch knees! And it wouldn't hurt to wear more eye make-up. Now, I know very well it's not going to be perfect next time around. I might have the best attitudes ever, and then be disappointed with my final grand jeté. But that's the beauty of a live one-chance-only performance. Even when you know the steps and counts, you never know at what precise moment the magic happens.

Ups and Downs in Ballet (Class)

Well, turns out this week is quite the roller-coaster. It´s only Tuesday, and already there have been some minor and major upsets, as well as some very exciting news! Here´s the news: there will be a ballet recital! And yes, I´m in it! 

On the down-side - or up-side (the jury is still out on that one) - the choreography will be danced on pointe! This adult-pointe-beginner on stage, on pointe. What the hey did I get myself into? But more on the recital and all that later.. The upsetting news came when we heard that one of our advanced level ballet classes got cancelled due to too few prepaid heads in class. The time-slot was not the best (7:30 pm), and the group small to begin with. Also the original teacher left (new baby) and the new teacher did not really have the chance to attract new students. But the classes themselves were fine, very challenging and interesting.

Up and Down.. On the Giant Dipper Roller Coaster. 

Then there was today´s ballet class, which unfortunately falls into the "downs"- category as well. I guess you should not take class when you are tired and certainly not when your brain is already over-worked from learning the New Job. Oh yes,  I have a new job! That was my New Year´s resolution from 2010. Find a better job and more time to dance. Check. And check! But I digress, again. Back to today´s class. So, tired and brain-fried and almost late after skating over frozen and slippery roads (without the actual skates), I was still quite happy to be in class. The barre went relatively well, I tried to concentrate on my shoulders (keep them down!) and keep my back long and my feet pointed. Not overly challenging, but a good start nonetheless. But I just could not keep it up! My energy was too low and that´s when I heard this comment, about a particular young talent still having ambitions (and therefore deserving extra attention). What then does that make us adult dancers? Unambitious? Not self-seeking? Not hard-driving? But we do too! Have ambitions that is. Why assume otherwise?

According to one definition, having ambitions means that you have a strong desire to achieve a particular goal. And in ballet there is plenty to be desired. It´s also what drives me and keeps me coming back for more. Even if I´m not having the best time of the day/week/month/whatever! I believe that many, no, most of us adult dancers have ambitions regarding ballet (and other dance styles) - it doesn´t mean we dream of dancing Swan Lake (well, of course we dream, but dream only). I´m talking about realistic goals, such as improving your turn-out, higher extensions, cleaner pirouettes, better epaulement.. The list is long! On a personal note: my goal in the near future is to advance in pointe well enough not to kill and/or embarrass myself on stage (getting off alive and in one piece is good enough)! I want higher extensions. Clean pirouettes every time. A lot of other things.

However, stupid me, hearing that we lack ambition (should not have listened), kind of lost my focus there. Come to think of it, must add this to the list of my goals: develop thick skin! Dancers need this, not just on their toes. But I did not concentrate and our teacher rightly picked on my poor execution of an allegro combination. Glissades are level 1-jumps, but I have had the tendency to do them sailor-like, swaying from side to side, as if walking on deck in rough seas. (No offense to any real sailors out there!) Instead your jump should be in the air with both feet pointed at the same time. It´s something that has been worked on, corrected and practiced. But when I am tired and dancing sloppy, I fall back into my old habit. Ship ahoy, matey! 

Now, the real downer was that I seem to have used up all my credit with this teacher. As I will apparently never learn to execute those glissades properly, she does not think it prudent to correct me anymore. It is also "the reason why I do get corrections from the new teachers." They still have the energy and interest to teach me (not spoken out loud, but implied). I suppose she got up on the wrong foot too. As for me, I kind of lost it after that. Didn´t cry or anything (I cry only when watching sentimental movies. And when there is death. Ballet is not that serious.), but for the remainder of the class I danced like death warmed over, and feeling like sh**. 

Now, I don´t want to tout my own horn, but aside from those recurring sloppy sailor-glissades, I really don´t suck that badly. I know that I´m far from perfect, heck, I´m not even on the same planet as "perfect"! Nevertheless, I have been told on more than one occasion that I do pick up corrections quite well and that I am not beyond learning new stuff. I like to believe that is the truth. From time to time I even get praise from my teachers. Go figure. Sure, sometimes I am too tired or achy to bring my 100% game to the class, but I´m "just" a recreational dancer after all. We are allowed a bit of leeway in our dancing or the attempt thereof. And maybe our ambitions are not always that visible, but trust me, they are lurking underneath, waiting to be nourished and welcomed to the spotlight! 

Dear reader, if you have made it this far, thanks for sticking with me and letting me vent! Next post will be all about the first pointe class of 2011 and the impending recital and all positive (while still being real). I do like to finish my posts on a happier note, so I recommend that you click here for some ballet-fun:

WAIT: there is a long musical intro at the beginning, but you can fast-forward straight to mark 01:47.