Toe Woe

I don't think it could have hurt more if someone had drilled a nail through my big toe. Not your regular ouchy aprés-pointe toes, but unrelenting and sharp throbbing pain. Some of you may already guess what I'm talking about: the dreaded ingrown nail resulting in nail bed inflammation. Which is not all that rare among ballet dancers. There are of course ways to prevent this, like trimming your nails in a straight line across the top. Also, you can avoid wearing shoes that squeeze your toes tightly together. Pointe shoes do probably not fall into this category.. My problem is that my nails don't lie flat on their bed, but are somewhat curved (like the rest of my body). It's not the tip of the nail which tends to dig in, but the bit under the inside corner. So far, only the left one has been affected and never before this badly. What gives?

I suspect part of it was my fault. I had gotten used to the sometime discomfort because it's limited to movements which have the side of my toe pressing into the floor, like doing a degagé to the back. It's annoying but you move on. I should have been alarmed when my usual soft slippers started to press painfully on my toe, but you get used to that too. I remember when I was on this cross-country ski camp way back in school, and had just had a small growth spurt. My ski boots were about half a size too small, but I took to the lopes anyway. The shoes rubbed my heels raw, the blood soaking all the way through the leather - but I finished my 10k just the same. Give up? No way. So I've got a high treshold for pain, and a very stubborn streak. Great combo for pointe, as long as you know your limits! Last Tuesday I could have switched into soft shoes, but no, I had to finish class in pointe shoes - full out. Did I mention that those shoes are on the brink of death and my big toe banging the floor up on relevé? Acknowledging pain is not the same as being a wuss.

When I went home after that class, I was still okay. But instead of the ouch fading away, it got worse. I took a maximum dose of paracetamol, but to no effect. Could not sleep because of the constant drilling pain. Watched old episodes of The Nanny until 4 am. The next day I was still in pain and miserable. My left big toe reddish and swollen at the inside edge of the nail bed. I had to get out of the house, but putting on shoes and walking: no fun at all. Fortunately my dancing doctor friend came to the rescue. I went to see her later that day for a consult. The bad news: the toe's nail bed was inflamed. The good news: it could have been worse. Antibiotic cream twice a day and it should get better soon. After having googled partial nail removements, I was very much relieved.

After the initial medical care, I was given the full consolation treatment: some lovely Italian Valpolicella which we drank while watching a POB master class on DVD. This was followed by an impromptu sauna-spa evening and finished off with late night deli snacking. You can't get better health care than this. After three days my toe is already much better. Walking longer distances (in shoes) is still a bit painful, and pointe shoes are obviously out of the question. Which really sucks as our pointe class has just been up-graded from 45 minutes back to a full hour, repertoire included. We are currently practicising Raymonda's big variation. Sigh.. I hope my toe is back in dancing shape by Monday. Hopefully even in pointe shoes next Tuesday.

Letting Go

I had to skip my ballet class today. Apparently it's flu season and I caught me some, hacking cough included. I was already feeling it last Thursday, and even more so the next day - but I just kept going to class! And I don't regret it, even though I had to skip allegro on Friday and lie down for a while. That actually sounds more dramatic than it was. I did the first small jumps, then took a ten minute rest'n'stretch before continuing with pointe class. Really happy that I did, because we finished that First Variation from Paquita! It's the same variation that had me writhing in discomfort when our teacher introduced it. I didn't think it suited me, didn't think I could do it. Read about it here. Hah! It can be so good to be proven wrong.

Sometimes I take ballet a little too seriously. I have a tendency to over-think when I should just be dancing, and I tend to demand too much of myself. I'm not saying that you should leave your brain in the locker and say nay to any ambition, but you gotta chill a little. Give yourself the opportunity to fail before you eventually get better. If and when you make mistakes or mess up or look funny doing it, chuckle it off and move on. Once I realised that I did not have to pretend to be another pretty teen princess, but that I could go for elegant and womanly - someone with character - I relaxed into the dance. And of course I had made an unnecessary fuss about it, since we were not practicing that variation for the stage. Our teacher chose it because you get to learn a lot of technique, and dance too. Enjoy yourself, you know?

Last Friday I did just that. I don't know if it was the cough syrup, or the fact that the steps had finally sunken in. Up until then it had always been on the verge of a Monty Pythonesque silly walk, what with coordinating the tricky port de bras to the feet stepping on pointe. You can review the section here, I have timed the video link to the right spot. Alina Somova is dancing, and she does it lovely. For me, the being on pointe was the easy bit. I love doing those steps - you're so high up and it's not like any other kind of walking. Right, I hear you. It's ballet! The arms, however, were a challenge from the beginning. They have to be fluid, soft and alluring - but they don't have to be exactly the same for every dancer! Once I understood that, it gave me the freedom to let go. My feet already knew where they were going, and finally the rest of me followed suit.

And you know what? I felt so beautiful dancing it.

Pointe Shoes and Other News

After somehow managing to dance in half-dead pointe shoes for weeks, I finally gave in before my ankles caved in. Out with the old, in with the shiny, pretty and new! And guess what? Since I started pointe in August 2010, this is only my fifth pair of shoes! The first pair I wore for about 5 months, and we had classes once per week. The second pair lasted as long, but then my class number increased and my strength improved. The last two pairs I have worn, Balance Europeans, are good for about two-three months, then it's time for goodbyes. Don't you just hate it? The moment shoes start to feel like part of your foot and your technique, you have to begin all over again.. But I do like mine, we have a nice relationship going. ;)

When I took them to my first class this week, my teacher told me to pay extra attention to my right foot. This one is not as strong as the left, and needs much more coaching to get over the box and stay in line. It has also to do with my leg length discrepancy (not freakish, but noticeable if you know to look). Anyway, it is really important to do every little relevé to your utmost cleanest maximum as the shoe is still molding to the foot. My teacher even told me to skip the more advanced stuff (I was doing a basic level class on pointe), until the shoe was broken in properly. The following day, the shoes felt near perfect already!

Which is a good thing too, as our classes are advancing all the time. There is the Paquita variation, and then there are pirouettes. Last week our pointe teacher Marie-Pierre decided to give us the same pirouette exercise we had done in the previous advanced class. Yikes! You start en face, from fifth, degagé devant with the right leg, supporting leg in plié - step onto piqué - passé retiré with the other leg, and repeat twice. Third time, you don't piqué, but do a full relevé with the supporting leg as the degagé leg envelopes back into retiré (arms in couronne). From there you go directly into fourth, and turn. The thing is, we have never really practiced pirouettes from forth in Madame's class. Not even preparatory ones at the barre. All we have done is quarter and half turns in center, but from fifth. Now we just went straight into the deep end!

Luckily, my other teacher has been introducing pirouettes in her pointe class - at the barre. And I have been practicing them in the basic level class I take (wearing pointe shoes). So it's not like I'm a pointe pirouette virgin.. ;) Still, it was a bit un-nerving. I mean, Madame must have thought we were ready. That, or she was testing us. Either way, it felt almost like an audition! But, you know what? I nailed my pirouettes! Singles, with one accidental double!

Another new step in center is a relevé from fifth into effacé, with the front leg extended in degagé. That one is much trickier than rising into passé retiré, because you are switching directions and the other leg can throw your balance off. It is very exciting, though, learning all these new steps! I was also very pleased when my teacher mentioned that my technique is much better now, especially considering how little time I have been up on pointe. I guess eighteen years of training in soft slippers has something to do with that.. :)

Other News

Awesome Nellie's lovely ballet skirts have arrived! Best prize I have ever won! Quick re-cap: Nellie decided to do Operation Tidy Room, Tidy Mind which resulted in an insanely generous Ballet-tastic Giveaway. I was the lucky person to write back first and got to adopt all three of Nellie's skirts. There is the black and very short pull-on from Bloch, and a very unusual by Grishko with a red under-skirt. My favorite has to be the red polka-dot, which is Designed by Alice. I was going to dedicate a post with pics to these ex-pat Brit skirts, but got pinned down by a most annoying tummy bug. Thankfully I'm feeling much better now. If I could only decide which skirt gets to take class first.. :)

Coming soon..

I'm very, very excited about this. I talked to a lovely dancer from the Finnish National Ballet about how I would like to do a behind-the-scenes post for my blog. Daily routines, pointe shoes et al. Well, she thought it a great idea and already agreed to be interviewed. Then we talked some more, about the ideas I have and if I would like to talk to other dancers too (of course) and what sort of permission I would need.. She was very nice to pitch my blog to their Press Manager - and we have a take-off! I will be writing a series of posts for both my Finnish blog and this one, so stay tuned. More up-dates coming soon..

Princess Power

There are some aspects of ballet that I just don't get. Princesses, Fairys, Sylphides - the entire fairy tale cast. Don't get me wrong, I love to watch ballerinas dance the Auroras, Paquitas or Sugar Plums - but why do grown-up women still have to pretend to be antiquated princesses? Tradition, of course. Respect for the art of ballet. The choreography, the music, the artistry. And let us not forget popular demand. Classical ballet may be considered an elitist art by many, but mostly it's escapist entertainment. As the ballerina is lifted above her prince, our spirits are lifted right along. For a brief moment, disbeliefs are suspended and we delight in the beauty of it all. Ballet is entertainment, but it also feeds our soul. The artist may come in the disguise of an ornamented tutu, but she holds the power to touch us. So I do get it, after all.

What I don't get is me taking on any of these parts. I grew up a tomboy, with a bit of Barbie on the side, but mostly I held my own with the boys. Simply put, I'm not a girly girl. As much as I enjoy watching the classics, it's always from the outside looking in. Even after 20 years of ballet, Aurora and her peers remain alien to me. The aesthetic of the ballerina is akin to that of a doily; pretty and flowery. She is sweet and cute, sugar and spice, and all things nice (not that I'm not a nice person). The Princess as the ultimate bride-to-be, the Jewel of the Crown, to be gifted from father to husband. Come on girls, have we not come further than that? Why still the fantasy role-play?

Okay, it's "just" ballet. We are not making a political or anti-feminist statement when we take ballet class. Au contraire, ballet makes you stronger. To create the illusion of flight without effort, you need a whole lot of muscle and stamina. The pretty ballerina on stage is not just a real woman off stage, she is Superwoman! Hey, why are there no ballets about that? It's about time to have a ballerina with superpowers, instead of supernatural wilis and swanmaids. Vampire-slaying Buffy, anyone? Just a thought..

Yesterday our teacher gave us steps to do from the ballet Paquita, I believe it is known as the first variation. My first reaction: what is up with those arms?? Is the character pretending to create something out of thin air, or is she some sad mental case? It looks lovely in an odd way, but what is the story behind it? And how can I possibly get away with the same? And why do I even care - should I not just try to copy the moves and get on with it? But I do care, albeit too much. That variation is so much out of my comfort zone, I feel like a butcher called in to do a patisseur's job.



The video shows what I'm talking about. I wish I could have found more versions to choose from, but the arms are pretty much the same our teacher gave us (she has danced in Paquita). The "folding arms" start at 01:30, right after the "yawn, just waking up -port de bras". There is also another bit that we have practiced: the "plucking and throwing sequins off my tutu" (00:45 - 00:50). That last part - it's just too pretty for my liking. The other technical stuff is not so impossible. Not that I can do any of it, at least not in center. We have been practicing the pointe balloné - balloné - balloné - developpé (00:30 - 00:34) at the barre, but in my case without the climactic high extension part. The echappé onto arabesqué is under preparation as a traveling sous-sous. Attitude pirouettes on pointe have not been introduced yet, but I once got lucky trying one on my own. The tombé en dedans pirouette with arms en couronne has been done in another class, sort of. But forget anything that comes in mutiple numbers.

It is a real challenge, both physical and mental. Me - I would much prefer to dance something neo-classical or anything contemporary. More earthy, or even edgy. In our other pointe-class we have been practicing a modern piece that is inspired by Forsythe´s In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated - and I just love it! It's an exhausting choreography, but exhilerating. You get to break a lot of The Rules, hips forward and such, but it's still gorgeous to look at. Well, at least our teacher is. ;)

Then again, I am a student of ballet. And the classics are part of that curriculum. I should count myself lucky that I even have the opportunity to learn these variations! But how can I get past the feeling ridiculous part? How does one unearth all that Princess Power?

Hops on Pointe!

I can't believe I forgot to write about this pointe milestone: hops on one foot! Seriously, the kind Giselle does in her famous first act solo variation! I had thought this would be pretty much impossible for a late-starter like myself, but there you go. Or in my case, hop.

We started a week ago, at the barre. The step is a balloné sur la pointe, the supporting leg is on relevé but bent, like in a small plie. At first I could not figure it out at all. My entire weight pressing on my toe, feeling like my nail would dig through the floor anytime. But I was not using my foot properly. You have to "break" your foot, not a pretty sight but it's the only way to hop. I got the broken foot fixed, but moving anywhere seemed still implausible to me. I can tell you my attempts must have looked totally demented :D

We repeated the exercise a couple of times with me trying to hop like mad but going nowhere. Aargh, talk about frustrating! But I could not let it go. When my teacher went to check the music for the next exercise, I kept trying - without the barre. Crazy, yes? Well, you know what - it worked! Once I was not gripping on the barre for dear life, I found my center of balance. So there I was hopping happily along, just as my teacher turned around.. and I loved the expression on her face! "You are doing better without the barre!" Guess I suprised us both. :)

Last Friday we continued, and this time my teacher added the hopping (4 counts) into attitude devant and back again. Most of us were feeling brazen and tried the same in center - myself included. It felt very ballerina-like. Awesome.

Permission to Speed

Tuesday, pointe class with Madame. Dancing on pointe is no picnic in the park, but I look forward to this class every week. I don't care that my toes are all squished before the hour is over. This is real work that we do - and I love it! Yes, even those slow killer relevés. Sometimes Madame "apologizes" for the muscle burn that she is imposing on us, but I'm happy to work my butt off, literally, and to keep that popo under me and to pointe and stretch and turn-out. I have taken pointe technique with Marie-Pierre (we don't actually call her Madame) since November 2010, and I still can't believe my luck. We get so much positive feedback, expert guidance and hands-on corrections. Seriously, it's master class every week!

My pointe shoes, before and after.

Of course, I'm a long way from being advanced on pointe. I'm just working my way around pirouettes (singles so far) and there is heaps of basic-level technique yet to be learned! But we have advanced to rises on one leg (in center), to fondues, to ballotés in center, to balances, to adding épaulement and fancier port de bras, to jumps on pointe, to steps I don't know what to call, and to choreography. There are even Balanchinean poses!

And turns in diagonale. We did this exercise: Start from fifth, croisé. Step up to relevé wide fourth, effacé. Arms correspond to first arabesque. Close back leg to fifth - turn - degagé front leg - step into big fourth again - repeat. You stay up on pointe the whole time. It's almost like chaînés déboulés, except for the degagé leg, the wide fourth position and the back leg closing in fifth before turning. We have done this exercise before, could have been in spring, don't really remember. I have practiced them a couple of times since, on my own, and I was feeling pretty confident.

Madame demonstrated the turns in slow tempo, which as we all know, is even more difficult. You have to be in control of your balances and you can't cheat. Not that I would ever cheat! Anyway, it was single file and I was first: relevé into fourth, step into fifth, tried to turn but stumbled down. Again and again. Yikes. I was told to keep my weight forward (always good advice) and some other things that were lost in the flailing about. But I did not give up. Never give up!

As the rest of the class turned along the diagonale, I practised on the side and tried to work out the dynamic and rhythm of the turns. Before we embarked to the left, Madame gave some general corrections, and I tried once more - but with more speed. And you know what? I figured out the flow! It worked! Madame must have agreed: "Johanna, that was excellent!" Can you imagine how happy I felt at that moment? Of course, our class is neither pre-professional nor company-class. I know there is "excellent", and then there is excellent. And our teacher is always very generous with her praise. But I think I deserved it just the same!

The best part was when Madame told me I could do the turns at double tempo. No more slowing down, but full speed ahead!

Eyes on Me

Note: "Eyes on Me" is not the sequel to "Eyes on the Prize". My ego is not that huge, no need to deflate it. Anyway, that last post was about pirouette spotting and chasing multiple turns. Not about declaring myself a prize. ;) But I could use an ego-boost nonetheless! Or learn how to fake it in class, instead of looking like I´d rather dance into hiding. "Dance like no one is watching." What is that quote about anyway? Feeling free to express yourself and not fearing judgement - which is a good thing, I´ll give you that. But you can´t dance ballet in your own little bubble, not if you want to captivate your audience (imaginary or not). Gotta own that stage, darlings!

Yesterday we continued to practice the GPC variation in pointe class. G (our teacher) is gradually replacing some of the modified steps with the original steps, and it keeps getting more challenging every week. We are now doing the exact same version from 06:20 until 06:47 (video below). Piqué attitudes are still replaced with piqué soutenus, and there are no en dedans pirouettes. But the tombé coupé developpé (or is it fondue relevé?) at 07:06 is now being introduced into the mix. Yesterday I got to try it for the first time in center! Failed a couple of times, tried again, failed better and then almost got it! Cool. :)

Pointe technique is difficult. Remembering all the detailed port de bras, épaulement and where to look while on pointe - even trickier. It is so tempting to keep your eyes on the mirror to check what you´re doing, or look around at the others to make sure you´re dancing the same steps at the same time! I am making some progress, even remembered to look right, then left on the first piqué step. But the hardest part of all is looking straight ahead, and inviting your "audience" to look at you! You need some ballerina attitude for that. And a healthy amount of self-confidence and self-esteem.

What I need most is to rid myself of the belittling noise in my head: "You´re not good enough. Who are you kidding, pretending to be a ballerina?" That stupid fear of looking like I´m trying too much. Too often I feel that as an adult ballet dancer I have to make some sort of a disclaimer: Yes, I know my ballet is pretend-play. Yes, I know there is no foreseeable future where I would dance a variation on pointe, on stage. Yes, I know that given my age and facilities, not likely to happen. But it´s so much fun to practice, and so exciting to learn all these new steps! Do I really have to apologize to my imaginary audience for not looking and dancing like a pro? Nope, I didn´t think so!

In the end my teacher told me not to be shy, and that I dance beautifully. I should just go for it and capture my "audience". Okay then, deep breath and.. all eyes on me!

Cabrioles, Cake and Cinderella

Sunday evening, and my vacation week is just about to close. Normally I would not suffer from the Monday Blues, but this time I have come down with a very annoying cold. Which means that there will be no dance classes for me! Work, if I can manage it, but afterwards straight home and back on the couch. Did I already mention that I hate missing classes? You guessed? Alright then..

Terence Kohler: Cinderella – A Tragic Tale
Pictured Tiina Myllymäki, Michal Krčmář
  Photo: Sakari Viika.

But let me recap my vacation week just a little, because it was all dance from Monday to Friday! To kick the week off, I took my usual intermediate-advanced class - but followed by a basic level class in pointe shoes. The last time I did this was way back in summer, when there were no actual pointe classes available. But I liked it, and it helped me a lot. Even doing a simple developpé in center becomes a challenge in those boat-is-rocking pointe shoes! Which means you get a better sense of feeling the floor, and your balance will improve. So I asked my teacher if it would be okay to squeeze into basic level, and then tied my ribbons.

It was fun! We did a basic barre, but there were some pointe exercises as well: sous tenus, piqués, and added relevés. I did my fondues facing the barre, because I´m not strong enough to do a clean set with just one hand for support. But I tried to do the entire and very long frappé set entirely in relevé. Cramp alert! Center was good, and no cramps. The pirouette exercise was too quick, but I braved single turns nonethless. Doubles? Not there yet. To finish the class, we did chaînés déboulés: three turns, pause (come down) and repeat. On my right, more newborn giraffe than graceful ballerina. On my better left, hello chaînés! Now I´m seriously considering adding this class to my permanent rep. That would mean a total of three pointe classes each week. I might have to buy my new pair sooner than I had budgeted for..

Tuesday it was time for Madame´s classes again. My favorite time! Right along with my Friday classes, and please never ask me to choose. I love them both; their styles are different but compliment each other in the best way! Anyway, Tuesday class was solid goodness. Our teacher was in an especially good mood and gave us a tough, pro-level class. Just the way I like it! There was a bit of Balanchine, some Denmark (as in Bournonville), lots of French school and plenty of Madame´s own elegant and fluid style - you can´t really ask for more. Having said that, my pirouettes from Monday have gone missing but I´m hoping they haven´t travelled too far. Miss you guys!

Class note: when jumping grand allegro, do not neglect the second leg! Let it go higher!

Pointe class with Madame was brilliant. Hard work, but she calls it "money in the bank". Seriously, you have to do the killer relevés. Nothing comes from nothing. There was this one move where we did a big honking grand plié in second, on pointe, and all the way down. Then took one hand from the barre and used it to push and stretch our arches. In center we did a small variation with piqués and ballonés, which I´m finally getting.. And our usual balances up in fifth, with battements lent in all directions. I don´t know why it feels easier to piqué into balance and stay there, than to degagé from a closed position in relevé - but it does.

Wednesdays I usually recover from Tuesdays, but hey - vacation! As in sleeping late and relaxing. Which is why I decided to take another class with another teacher. Except she was ill, and my own teacher surprise substituting! I hope that other teacher is feeling better already, but at the time I was not complaining! It was a good class and I had a fun stretching-chatting session afterwards with a dance buddy. Get me talking about dance and there´s no end to that conversation!

Thursday we went to see the last dress rehearsal for the Finnish National Ballet´s new production of Cinderella. The choreography by Terence Kohler is not the traditional fairy-tale, but a psychological and dark retelling of a tragedy. It´s a story about loss and loneliness and the need to be loved. Despite its sinister overtones, there is hope and in the end, love heals. We were really impressed by Kohler´s cinematic storytelling, by Auerbach´s equally cinematic score and by the dancers. The choregraphy is a mix of modern dance and dance theatre, but the language of classical ballet is not forgotten. Cinderella´s pointe shoes play a significant role..

After our ballet at noon, we of course had to have some après-ballet cake and coffee. Cheesecake with sea buckthorn berrys and capuccino. Delish. Followed by pointe shoe shopping! My friend bought Bloch Heritages and I bought me some big-toe gel tubes. It really was a good day for ballet. And cake. Yes, you can have your cake and dance too! :)

This is the cake I had. One piece only!

Did I say short recap? Okay then. Friday was another double set of advanced class, followed by pointe class. I was already feeling the upcoming cold, lead in my legs and hardly any lift-off on my jumps. But I do recall something.. Yes! I love doing cabrioles to the side!

Class note: when doing rondes de jambes en terre, remember to stretch the working foot before you pass it through first.

Sink or Swim?

Last night I had the weirdest ballet dream.. I was in pointe class, and about to do a piqué  - when all of a sudden the pointe shoe had turned into a stilt, making it impossible to go up. No need to consult a psychiatrist to figure this one out, not with the class I had on Friday.. It was as if someone had pressed the fast forward button, but edited me out of the loop. Or if everyone else had hitched a ride on the time machine, but left me holding my ticket. I can´t decide which metaphor to use, but you see where I´m going with this. For the first time in a long time I felt like I did not belong in that class.

Part of the reason for feeling sidelined is that it´s no longer the same class, nor the same teacher of late. Madame had to take an early leave, and our previous teacher G (who has been my main ballet teacher for the past three years) returned one month early from her maternity leave to spring in for Madame. Please don´t get me wrong,  I love G´s classes just as much; she is energetic, strict, fun, gives lots of spot-on hands-on corrections, and her technique is precise, quick, springy and very musical - all good. When I started pointe last August, it was in fact with G - and the the best introduction to pointe technique I could have asked for. Even though it was a mixed level, I could begin from point zero, and G took great care that I would not get ahead of myself. We had 10 weekly classes before Madame took over.

I gotta tell you, it was not the easiest of transitions! Classes were more difficult and I had the hardest time trying to keep up. Fortunately we were very, very lucky to get Madame to teach us! I have already sang her praises in many posts, but in short - she really knows how to get the best out of everyone. I don´t think I have ever been more challenged, and yet happy at the same time. She gave us real work to do, killer body-and-feet-building barres, combined with elegant épaulemant and center work that was both scary and exhilarating. It was often way over my head, but she would never give up on you, always taking the extra time to help you get there.

So you get used to a certain way, and then comes another way of doing things - which I should welcome as an exciting challenge! However, The Thing is, I sort of figured G´s classes would be easier. I mean she knows that I am still a pointe-beginner, and would not expect me to do too advanced stuff.. But no such luck. While the barre was relatively easy compared to Madame´s painstaking boot-camp, center was anything but. New steps I had never done before, and in combinations too fast for my feet to grasp. The advanced girls had a blast, and I was miserable. Finally I  changed back into my soft slippers, so I could at least dance until the end of class!

You may think that it´s no big deal, and that I will catch up with the rest. You are probably right. I just resented the sink-or-swim tactic. I do know that our teacher was testing us, figuring out what we have learned while she was away. And I understand how difficult it is to teach a mixed-level class and adjust every exercise to every individual learning experience. And yes, I really miss the attention I was getting from Madame. You may call me a Big Ballet Baby, but I´m far from confident in those pointe shoes. All I ask is that you do not push me into the deep end without throwing me a life-line too!

Dear reader, before you suggest I talk to my teacher, I already did. I know that G really cares for her students and wants us to learn, advance and still enjoy our dancing. I told her class was too difficult for me, and she agreed. She has already promised to give simpler exercises next week. Though I almost wish I had been wrong, that somehow she would have thought it possible for me to be that advanced already. Maybe she even did.. Sadly, I´m no ingenue at ballet. I have my dues to pay, and tons of relevés to do - just like every other dancer. But there is hope. I am not hopeless. And you know what? I used to be a swimmer before I did ballet - so there will be no sinking to the bottom for me!

Underwater picture taken for Australian Ballet´s new Swan Lake (choreography Graeme Murphy).

Dancer: Simone Goldsmith. Photography by Hugh Hamilton & Keith Lo Bue

You Did Well Today!

You may have noticed that I´ve been playing around with the look of my blog, changing title pictures, fonts and templates. That´s what four days of staying indoors will do to you - not only do I have the flu but I´m suffering from cabin fever as well. Not being able-bodied to dance is driving me up the wall! So, in the meantime you will be surprised and possibly irritated by ever changing blog templates. My apologies! I promise there will be a more final version soon, although I still reserve the right to change things whenever it gets too tired. Also, I am working on the content - it´s just that after last Friday´s class my brain did not cooperate anymore. Over the weekend I was  mostly asleep. That is when I was not watching episodes of Bones online.

Another discarded blog title banner:

But I do remember that Friday´s ballet was awesome! Despite a persistent tickle in the back of my throat and headache that was just announcing itself - for some reason I did better in class than usual. I guess the pressure was off, and I was just so glad to still make it to ballet class before the flu got the better of me! Or, it is actually possible that my teacher´s corrections are finally sinking in.. It´s like there is this persistent voice track playing in my head, right alongside with the "normal" stuff that usually keeps my brain occupied. It sounds something like this:

Turn out. More! Present yourself. The back is long. Stretch your knees. Heels forward. Arms are breathing. Elongate the line.. match the phrasing of the music. Work the floor in degagés. Use oppositional forces. Weight on the working leg. Legs are long, longer! Pliés are juicy, and deeper. Positions bigger. Do your maximum. No in-betweens! Turn out. More!

I knew I was doing something right the moment we did our first grand pliés. I felt centered and stretched and placed, and everything seemed just a little bit easier. In the center pirouettes turned like there was no tomorrow, even though I lacked the nerve to go beyond doubles. Adagio was beautiful (the exercise, not me), and I did not loose balance on the arabesque penchée. I even managed the attitude pirouette en dehors finishing in plié. I have always trouble with that one! Petit allegro was fine, grand allegro less so but I´m out of practice. Really need to work on those grand jetés! Still it was the kind of class you wish you had everyday. Our teacher gave us some amazing demonstrations, the usual 6 o´clock positions which she does so effortlessly and a couple of surprise grand jetés which looked like they just sliced the air in half!

Picture of Lucinda Dunn, photo James Morgan

Pointe class was much better than last time, now that my shoes have been cut and molded to my feet. We did some crazy new stuff, like stretches on the barre in relevé. Crazy, because how on earth am I supposed to get up on pointe with one leg when I have my other back on the barre? In arabesque no less! Also I could not do the foot-in-hand stretch, not on pointe. Then Madame had us do pirouettes in the center, without ever prepping them at the barre. She gave us the option to do just relevés (when did this become "just"?), but I gave it a try anyway. To the right I could not even get up. To the left I managed one and a half turn, sadly with turned in legs. Not good! But over the years there have been a lot of things I thought I would never be able to do. Only to be proven wrong. See, sometimes it is really good to be wrong! 

Best of all, after class Madame came up to me and said that I did well today. Which is why I´m still smiling five days later.

Baby it´s Cold Outside

I can´t wait for tomorrow when I get to stick my freezing toes into pointe shoes again. The weather forecast has promised another balmy -22 ºC (-8 F), but nothing gets your toes quite as pink and hot as new pointe shoes! Aah, that warming feel of hot coals under your feet..  Although I am finally getting somewhere with the breaking-in of my pointes. After my teacher had sliced the outer soles I took those babies to a short test-drive-dance after class and was actually able to get over the box! Yay! I´m so ready for tomorrow´s class. Bring on the killer relevés and fondues, and hey, is it not about time to throw a pirouette into the mix? I dare you!

Ready, Set, Bourrée!

Pointe class, final enchainement. Start with croisé, right leg in tendu derrière. Step forward with right leg passing through to croisé, corresponding arm opening to the side (other arm staying down). Repeat four times, presenting your fabulous-ness to the (imaginary) audience, looking like you own the stage. Then, coupé, and off you bourrée eight counts to the front, coupé again and eight counts back, with beautiful arms coming up and then reverse.

We stand in line, three girls, and the music begins. Four steps, all composed and lovely and then.. Hey, nobody told me this is was a race! The other girls have bourréed half-way across the room before I have even counted to two!

On another note: my teacher Marie-Pierre came to class with her knife, which is not as scary as it sounds. I was not happy with the hard shanks of my new pointes and she had suggested already earlier to cut my shoes into shape. This time I agreed, because class was still a struggle and getting over the box near-impossible. With my now-dead shoes I had just gotten there! I dunno why I ever decided to buy shoes this hard. Oh right, there was nothing else available in my size/width! M-P took out her carpet-cutter knife and was really careful not to rip the satin, since I only have the one pair. She told me that during her 18 years as a professional she used up one pair of pointes per day, especially when she had been promoted to principal dancer! You can do the math.. Anyway, the cut and improved shoes turned out really nice. Instant arches! 

My shoes, fine-tuned by me and M-P.

EDIT: It was pointed out to me, that the cut is not at the 3/4 mark - oops! What can I say, I´m terrible at math.. Anyway, as you can see in the picture above, the cut is closer to the 1/3 mark of the sole. Math aside, this is were the heel ends, or where the instep is at its highest. Cutting the shoe at this mark makes it hug closer to the foot!

Friday Evening - Happy Hour at the Barre

Friday evening, and nothing feels better than finishing the working week at the barre! First up, 90 minutes of advanced ballet with our new ballet teacher, The French Ballerina. At times I get a little distracted, because of her insanely high extensions and wonderfully expressive port de bras. It's a great class. She is a lovely person and a terrific teacher, giving everyone lots of personal attention and positive feedback. The barre is fast-paced, with quick degagées, developpées and enveloppées, and lots of balances. In the center we do a beautiful adagio, which has me both terrified and excited. Terrified, because there's a real chance of looking totally silly, and excited because I feel like I could express something with my dancing! And I even managed to pull off a couple of triple pirouettes! The class ends late, with no time for reverance, but there's big applause and I quickly rush to change into my pointe shoes.

I had given up on the idea of doing pointe. Too old, too late, too hard. However, after some 16 years of practicing ballet in soft shoes, I started to feel that not learning pointe would be something I was going to regret. So, when our teacher Gabriella Serra told us that she would start teaching pointe classes this August, beginners included, I jumped at the chance! Not too late after all! Pointe class turned out to be much more challenging and difficult than I anticipated, but fast-forward ten weeks and ten classes, and I'm still excited about every new exercise. Then, just as I'm getting the feel of pointe shoes (and first blisters), Ms Serra goes on maternity leave. Happy news, but I wonder what will happen to our adult beginners pointe class... Enter our new teacher, Marie-Pierre Greve, aka The French Ballerina. 

We are all a bit dumbfounded to have such an elegant principal dancer teach our adult class. Ms. Greve retired from the Danish Royal Ballet just two years ago, at the age of 38, and it shows. One of my friends tells me that she would buy a ticket just to watch her port de bras. I've had many good teachers over the years, but taking class with Ms. Greve does feel a bit like winning the ballet lottery!

There I am, standing at the barre, on pointe, in a really scary wide second position. Ms. Greve is sitting at my feet. She takes hold of my left foot, molding the arch and telling me to point more, and I do my best to comply. “There, you see, you can do it!” she exclaims, looking quite delighted at the result, until she sees my other foot all un-pointed and starting to turn in. At that point(e), I feel the need to apologize but instead I merely nod when she tells me that there is plenty of work to do, that I have to get stronger and that there would be no pointe for me (sorry, pun intended) if I could not get properly over my box at all times. I keep nodding my head, as my power of speech is frequently lost in ballet class. But I know what I want: to learn how to dance on pointe!

Class is more difficult now, with quick echappées and single leg passée retirés in center. I feel my legs no longer belonging to me, and have the hardest time getting up and staying there. But Madame is très sweet, encouraging and correcting everyone. She even takes hold of my hands to help me with a challenging balance, and I try my hardest to get it right. At the end of class, my feet are smokin' hot and I'm feeling slightly disoriented. It's like I had one drink too many, in a foreign bar where I don't quite understand the language. Then, I catch my reflection in the mirror, red cheeks, glowing skin and grinning from one ear to the other. It's been another happy hour at the barre!

Pointe in my kitchen. November 2010.