Time to Play

Pointe class. We're all facing the barre, doing really slow relevés. I let go as often as possible, because I like the added challenge of trying to stay in balance. Anyway, it's hard work and I'm totally focused, like there's nothing else in the world. My teacher approaches me to give a correction, or so I assume... Instead she tells me that I can now play with it, specifically with my head. I know she is talking about port de tête, or the carriage of the head, but I do not know what to do with mine during that particular exercise. Should I incline it, look left or right, or what? My sole focus has been on my feet, on keeping the popo in line, the back and neck long, the shoulders relaxed and myself breathing. It did not seem like playtime. But I did get the feeling that there has been some sort of achievement, and I was being challenged to step it up.

Later on, I got the feedback: there has indeed been progress. According to Madame, my dancing has improved. The port de bras is more confident, as is my overall technique. She even pointed out the alignment of the passé retiré I'm working on, telling me how much better it has become. I told her that I haven't really noticed. Which is not entirely true. I have noticed that my dancing feels different. Stronger, more balanced, perhaps even more fluid. But when you are not seeing yourself, how can you tell? Feeling good does not automatically mean that you also look good. Ballet can be tricky like that. Of course, there are some things which are more obvious. Like pirouettes. You cannot not know when you have turned three instead of one. You know when you're right on your axis, because it feels awesome. And you know when you've landed in style. Just as you know when you've failed. At my current rate, it's fifty-fifty. I get half right, and the other half is negotiable at best. Pirouettes tend to be a dealbraker for me. If I fail too many, class doesn't feel like progress. Yes, I know I'm giving way too much importance to turns. After all, our art is called ballet, not pirouette.

Then there are extensions. Why do we get caught up in degrees anyway? It might have something to do with all those sky-high extension you see posted and pinned on the internet. But bringing your leg into a developpé is dance, not a competition. It was already my first teacher who stressed the journey, not the destination. My current teacher speaks of caressing your (standing) leg as you bring the foot up. Then, raise the knee as high as possible (without compromising proper alignment), and draw a line with your pointed toes as you unfold your leg. The height of your extension is not the point, the quality of movement is. There's a bonus: quantity often follows quality. I've been told that my extensions have been getting higher since I started working with Madame. And this after dancing for twenty years! Funny how these things escape your attention...

So, what is next? We all know that ballet never gets easier, you just get better. For me, this means shifting my focus to the port de tête. My teacher knows that I get shy in class, which is why I tend to dance too much to the front, looking "flat" in the process. Now she is asking me to "play" with my head, and I have to admit that if feels more difficult than any fouetté pirouette I have ever attempted. At the same time, it's also way more exciting! Playing means there's room for self-expression, for making up my own mind (and head) about how I want to dance. Well, not in the sense that I get to change the exercises. I don't even want to do that! No, it's more subtle than that. Nuances and shades - that's what it is.

Now I just need to figure out what to do with my port de tête. I told Madame as much, that I don't really know (unless it's clearly part of the given exercise). She told me that if that's the case, I should just copy her. My dear readers, if you've ever seen our teacher dance, you know that is an near impossible task! Everything she does, looks natural and elegant. But I will try my best to absorb something and make it my own. I don't know what will come of it, but I want to find out. 

Get Your Face On

I'm pretty good with my port de bras. At times I have to watch out for the droopy elbows, and take care that fingers don't freeze into positions. Oh, and make sure that arms are not too high in first, and not too far back in couronne. But, all in all, I think that my port de bras is one of my stonger suits. This, however, is not the case with my port de tête. I know to look sideways when the steps call for it, or front when it's first arabesque - you know, the basic directions. But other than that, my face and eyes tend to stay too much straight ahead. It makes my dancing look static, like I'm just going through the motions.

"Present yourself!" It's perhaps the most frequent guidelines we get to hear in class - and personally speaking, one of the hardest. I get shy in front of an audience, even if it's just the teacher and my classmates watching. Not the kind of shy where I blush and retreat to the corner, but the kind that has me dancing smaller than I could. Like a wallflower, instead of a blooming rose.. I hesitate to put myself out there, to get my face on and dance full out, expressions and all. I'd rather keep my poker face, check my alignment in the mirror and smile mostly on the inside.

Somewhere along I forgot that dancing involves the entire body, literally from head to toes. Partly it's because the performing aspect is fairly new to me. Before, ballet class was something I did for myself only - in the sense that an (imaginary) audience was never part of class. I enjoyed dancing as such, and did not give much thought to what my face looked like or when and how I should tilt my head. Or how to project and present myself. But I'm getting there.

Seeing myself on video has definitely helped. After you get over the cringe-factor, it's an excellent learning experience. I could see that while my chaînés turned alright, my head was too slow to spot. It made my turning look sluggish. I could also see that the lack of port de tête makes my dancing look boring, which is not the quality I'm looking for! One of my teachers (Marie-Pierre) saw our spring show, and noted the same (the static head - not the boring aspect). Yesterday, she told me that she had planned to work on this with me, but during the long summer break kind of forgot about it (we have been focusing on other things). Anyway, we had a short chat before class about the upcoming show, and then she made me work like I was on stage already. Marie-Pierre reminded me to use my head and eyes and gave me exact directions, even through pointe class. When to tilt my head in pas de bourré, change directions, or how to present myself - not just the basic academics, but the dancing. There is so much to learn, so much to express! A subtle movement here, a big pose there. Nuances, shades and colours. Time to get my face on.