Letting Go

I had to skip my ballet class today. Apparently it's flu season and I caught me some, hacking cough included. I was already feeling it last Thursday, and even more so the next day - but I just kept going to class! And I don't regret it, even though I had to skip allegro on Friday and lie down for a while. That actually sounds more dramatic than it was. I did the first small jumps, then took a ten minute rest'n'stretch before continuing with pointe class. Really happy that I did, because we finished that First Variation from Paquita! It's the same variation that had me writhing in discomfort when our teacher introduced it. I didn't think it suited me, didn't think I could do it. Read about it here. Hah! It can be so good to be proven wrong.

Sometimes I take ballet a little too seriously. I have a tendency to over-think when I should just be dancing, and I tend to demand too much of myself. I'm not saying that you should leave your brain in the locker and say nay to any ambition, but you gotta chill a little. Give yourself the opportunity to fail before you eventually get better. If and when you make mistakes or mess up or look funny doing it, chuckle it off and move on. Once I realised that I did not have to pretend to be another pretty teen princess, but that I could go for elegant and womanly - someone with character - I relaxed into the dance. And of course I had made an unnecessary fuss about it, since we were not practicing that variation for the stage. Our teacher chose it because you get to learn a lot of technique, and dance too. Enjoy yourself, you know?

Last Friday I did just that. I don't know if it was the cough syrup, or the fact that the steps had finally sunken in. Up until then it had always been on the verge of a Monty Pythonesque silly walk, what with coordinating the tricky port de bras to the feet stepping on pointe. You can review the section here, I have timed the video link to the right spot. Alina Somova is dancing, and she does it lovely. For me, the being on pointe was the easy bit. I love doing those steps - you're so high up and it's not like any other kind of walking. Right, I hear you. It's ballet! The arms, however, were a challenge from the beginning. They have to be fluid, soft and alluring - but they don't have to be exactly the same for every dancer! Once I understood that, it gave me the freedom to let go. My feet already knew where they were going, and finally the rest of me followed suit.

And you know what? I felt so beautiful dancing it.

Counting the Days

How do you know you've been dancing more than enough? When you don't panic because of the upcoming Easter break, but actually look forward to some ballet down-time! And I have to tell you, this is a big deal coming from me. Even my teacher raised a pronounced eyebrow at me when I told her I've been dancing too much already.. But you have to listen to your body, and whatever other noise your inner ballerina is making. In my case I've started to fade out in class, not paying attention at the barre and forgetting familiar exercises. Although I have to admit that too much of ballet might not be the only culprit. Switching clocks back to summer-time, messed-up sleeping habits and work-related concerns all play a part in my ballet-weariness.

The odd thing is that I have gotten a lot stronger lately. My extensions are higher than ever and my flexibilty seems to have improved significantly. There has even been some suprising technical progress. In the past week I did my first double pirouette into double fouetté (yay), nailed one entrechat-six, and overall I have now better ballon and balance. And in Friday's pointe class our teacher taught us Paquita's entire first variation! It was modified to our level, but there were still enough technical challenges. Like this new step combination we did yesterday: chassé - pirouette en dedans, arms in couronne - from croise fifth, plié and relevé onto first arabesque. Especially the last bit was scary. But awesome! This should be cause for lots of ballet happy buzzes, and it is. Maybe my ballet-fatigue is totally normal - at the moment you're most exhausted you make the most progress? Maybe I have outgrown my old excuse of "that is too difficult for me", and now I really must and can step up?

There are some five-six classes before the Easter break, and I plan to take them all, no excuses. There's Marie-Pierre's triple-class on Tuesday, which is always a high point of my ballet week - no matter what state of mind and body I happen to be in. And Mondays are good too, especially since I get to do a regular class on pointe. Wednesdays are my usual days off, and I'm keeping next Thursday optional. Which means either four or six days of no ballet. Good timing too, because after Easter we start rehearsals for our spring show. This will increase my ballet days to six per week, and I won't even bother to count the hours involved! Mid-April also marks the end of my three-month sabbatical, and it's back to the office for me. Drat. But in the meantime - plenty of time to rest, regroup and eat obscene amounts of chocolate eggs!

"Dare to Dream" print by Lim Heng Swee. Click here for more details: Etsy