"I Know It's Hard For You.."

Wouldn't it be nice to have been born with a body for ballet? One that is pliable, has a bendy back, stretchy ligaments, flexible and strong feet and perfect turnout? I have this wild theory that it would make my life at barre and center a lot easier. Instead it's a struggle - every time! I know, nothing comes easy in ballet, but having a late-starter-non-ballet body makes everything even more challenging...

I chose ballet, but ballet did not choose me. There were no auditions, no selective examinations by physical dance therapists and school boards. Lucky me, or I would never have made the cut. I have written about this before, but please bear with me. Us adult recreational dancers do not need to fit in any set ballet mold. Ballet is for anyone and everyone who really wants to pursue it. For example, here in Helsinki, you can choose between "classical ballet (for adults)" or "adult-ballet" or "low-impact ballet" or even "fitness-ballet". You can be casual about it or passionately serious. You can take classes twice a week at basic levels and feel challenged, or you can push yourself all the way to advanced levels. Whatever works for you!

However, there is no denying that ballet is not always fair. You may discover that you love it more than anything, but that your body won't work with you. At some point in your dancing you may become frustrated that certain moves seem to continuously evade you. Legs won't rise above 100 degrees, fifth positions remain in third, or attitudes lack, well, attitude. I have been there, and I have been miserable about it. When I started ballet, every step and move was an amazing discovery. I aimed high, expected little and was happy with even less. However, with time I became more ambitious but also more frustrated with myself. Why was I not blessed with better turnout for ballet? Why can't I slide down into full splits (despite all the stretching I do)? Why can't I have a hypermobile lower back, and the high arabesque that goes with it? Why can't I be one of the talented girls?

The thing is, feeling sorry for yourself is not productive at all. If you only focus on what you don't have, you miss out on all the potential you do have! I had to accept my shortcomings, and then find a way to work around them. Anyway, nobody really needs a turnout of 180 degrees. A lack of natural ballet talent is not the end of dance, at least not for a recreational dancer! There is so much to learn, so much to think about and work on. Every body can aim for the cleanest technique possible, keeping in mind physical limitations. You do not ever cheat turnout, and you never take the easy way out. As soon as you start to think, I have been there, done that, know it all... You will cease to change and grow.

Progress, of course, does not only manifest itself in higher extensions or multiple pirouettes. The practice of classical ballet cannot exist without artistry. As you work towards your most beautiful (and unique) lines, remember to breath into your movement. Feel the music, and the space around you. Let your feet converse with the floor, and your port de bras paint the air. Take pleasure in every step you take. Work hard, but dance with joy in your heart.

I could end my ramblings here, but that would leave the title hanging in the air.. "I know it's hard for you." Which is something Madame said in last Tuesday's advanced ballet class. We were doing passé retirés at the end of a longer exercise and as usual she kept telling me to turn my retiré heel out even more. "More. More. More." I already felt the need to speak up and say that there is no more to turn out! But there was - even if we are talking about millimeters. Madame pushed me to find that last teensy-bit of turn-out, right down to aligning my ankle, foot and heel in the proper line. And there it was! Hard, yes, but not entirely impossible.

What I was especially happy about, was this simple acknowlegdment: "I know it's hard for you.. " And the fact that Madame keeps pushing me because she knows that "hard" won't hold me back! Later that evening, in pointe class, I was praised for holding my extension on pointe (above barre height) and for turning. This had nothing to do with natural-born ballet talent. Instead, it has everything to do with drive, determination and passion. So, ballet did not choose me. No Fairy gave me a ballerina body. I can live with that. To be able to dance is a gift in itself, and it's one that I choose to give to myself.

My Left Foot

.. is getting all the love. Just look at my new blog banner - out of those five feet, three are shots of the "famed" left one. Strictly speaking, that foot is my only ballet-y body part. It is flexible and has a naturally strong instep and a high arch. Leftie is also getting all the praise in class. "Such a nice and strong foot.. but you really have to work on the right one". Sadly, Right Foot is nothing like its sister. Low instep, and has a hard time aligning itself over the box. Neither does it help that the entire right leg is a wee bit longer than the left, which has resulted in a weaker pull-up of the knee. Oh, how I wish I had two left feet! Well, you know what I mean.

Of course, no body is entirely symmetrical. We all have our left-right idiosyncracies. Don't get me started on the many oddities of mine.. Right, I already did! On closer inspection, that left pied is not only nicer, it is also a tiny bit longer. The right foot is shorter and noticeably wider. It makes for interesting (pointe) shoe shopping, if nothing else. Toes are pretty much the same, short and in sort of square formation. Good for pointe shoes.

Left foot. Enjoys the spotlight.

Moving up, the right foot bends better down. This is probably a very common feature, that your "push-off" foot has a deeper plie. It does make landing from jumps a bit of a delicate job. The other heel is likely to lift off the floor when coming down, but I´m not sure if forcing it down is such a good idea? I do love to jump though, especially when I get a good bounce from rebounding!

My right side has also better turn-out, but the left side is stronger in extensions to the front and side. That left leg is also much more flexible than the right, to the point that teachers must think I'm always slacking off on the first side! When we do the pied/talon a la main -stretch, and let go off the foot, right leg sinks down to 90 degrees right away. But the left one stays at approx. 130, and on a good day I can hold it for at least 6 counts! So, the left is good for developpés devant and a la seconde but the right one does a much higher arabesque and attitude! Thank goodness there is some balance.

Yesterday we did this simple stretch for penchés at the barre: back leg on the barre, stretch. Leg off, penché arbesque. Hands on floor, turn away so that thigh of back leg rests on barre. Shuffle yourself as close to barre as possible -> upside down split! Then "walk" a little forward with hands and lift back leg off, try to push it further. Walk back again and press thigh against barre. Repeat. I had my left leg up when our teacher observed. "Johanna, get yourself closer to the barre, leg higher, more!" I'm like, are you kidding me? Any higher and my standing leg is gonna lift off! Never seen hand-stands being part of classical ballet rep..

Edgar Degas: Grand Arabesque, troisième temps.
The model could have been me! ;)

It's seriously annoying. Because the moment we switch sides and I have my stretchier leg in action, I get praised for getting it right! But it's not a question of effort. It's just the way my body works or does not work. The first time I even tried to do splits I must have been 22 already! To this day I cannot do a full split with my left leg in front. But I´m happy to say it's getting better since I re-started ballet five years ago. There´s still enough crawl-space for a cat, but at least toddlers are getting too big to fit under!

Perhaps if I had started ballet before my teens there would be less pronounced differences. I did sports long before dance, but having two equally strong and flexible sides was never an issue. I am still working on it, and hopefully left will catch up with right. And right with left.

How about you? Any interesting body specs you care to share? :)

Popo?

Stretch your knees, lengthen the back, dance bigger and keep your popo under you! I know, I hear you.. popo what? That is how Madame addresses our ballerina derrieres. The first time we heard it, you could see the collective head-scratching going on. But as there was only the butt to point down in the given context, class was saved from getting lost in translation.

Apparently the French popo is a diminutive form of the French popotin, or as we would call it in English: your bottom. By the way, I said the class was perplexed. Curiously, I was not. You see, I lived my childhood in Germany and der Popo is popular usage there - mostly when talking to children. And both the French popo and the German Popo possibly derive from the same ancient Latin podex. But popo sure sounds nicer!

I thought it so cute to have once again a popo instead of a butt or the usual tailbone! Because not a class will go by when the portrusion of our popos is not an issue to be addressed and corrected. Dancers may have the firmest and shapeliest derrieres there are, but in ballet these are not to be flaunted. Au contraire! The ballet ligne dictates a plum line, and as such popos must point down at all times. It is not merely for the sake of appearance, but to center your dancing body around a strong axis. Form and function.

Unless of course there is choreography to tell you otherwise. If not, the popo never leads the way. If you do a developpé to the back, toes and heels and knees are lifted before the bottom is. If you do a lunge down, or a 6th port de bras, the same applies. As it does in preparations for en dedans pirouettes. Stick that popo out and the line is broken. It also throws you off your axis in turns. Think about it next time you´re in class. Point that popo down!

Turn Til You Drop

Sometimes you gotta push yourself. Go for it, and try to turn out of your comfort zone. Believe there is a triple or more waiting for you. So what if you turn and crash-land your pirouette? A bruised knee is not the end of the world. And pride´s got nothing to do with it either. Pros fall down all the time. At least that´s what my teacher told me when my nose was close enough to the floor to smell the marley. :)

It just means you want more and tried harder. Good for you!

Practicing piqué turns en manege. Photocollage by Barry Kite.

If it Feels Easy, Make it Harder!

Just something Madame said in class. Why? Because the moment ballet starts to feel easy, you are no longer progressing - you are settling for less. "Easy" is a sign that you can push yourself further, and that you have more to give!

Tuesday's advanced class was intense. Corrections and instructions throughout the entire barre. Twice my teacher asked me to do part of an exercise again, while the rest of the class pliéd and tendued along. Once Madame even did the exercise with me so I could get the rhythm and accent of a tricky double ronde de jambes right. And I was happy to do it! There are still so many things to improve upon.. More turn-out, deeper pliés, no tilting of the hip in pliés, keeping weight on the working leg, longer back, bigger port de bras - always presenting yourself, stretched knees, forwarded heels, pointed toes at all times..

When it gets easy, make it harder. Just be aware that "harder" is not about quantity - what you want is more quality! Yesterday I really pushed myself, to the pointe that I could barely haul my derriere back home! But that's what you get for making it harder. That and better turn-out, improved balances, decent pirouettes, stronger legs, more bounce in the jumps and more dance in the steps. I had an amazing class, and I loved every minute of it! The cherry on top of it - Madame told me "that everything is getting better." Now, how cool is that? :)

Tutus and Dancing Queens

That would be an imaginary tutu, much like our imaginary audience behind the mirror. But it was the instruction given by our teacher in pointe class: you have to dance as if wearing a tutu! It is not just about attitude, regal carriage and all that ballerina cred. There is a practical reason. A short tutu shaped like a teacup, saucer or pancake (pick your prefered visual) can get in the way of your usual port de bras. And unless you want tutu to turn into an obstruction of dance, you have to move and hold those arms above the tutu-line. I had never given it much thought before, but the tutu is more than frilly decoration. It evolved from long to less to give freedom of movement and to show off the ballerina´s legs, but in the process it also shaped the way ballet is danced! 

Boston Ballet: Larissa Ponomarenko. Photo: Rosalie O' Connor.

Imagine yourself dancing in a tutu.. I gotta tell you, for me it borders on the tutu much. If you look at it purely from a fashion do -pointe of view, powder-pink tights and short pancake skirts are more of a don´t, at least for a short and curvy grown-up woman like myself. And if you´re feeling butt-conscious, wearing a saucer tutu is akin to carrying a neon-sign arrow pointed at your booty! There is just not much in the way of derriere coverage. I prefer longer tutus like the corps in the picture is wearing. Pretty and flattering. That, however, would be missing the point of the exercise. Butts aside, I try my best not to dwell on it, especially as my tutu is all make-belief anyway. 

You would think my imagination would allow me to wear my own design, but all I can "see" is Elisabeth Platel´s Grand Pas Classique tutu. It´s no wonder - since we started practicing parts of the GPC variation, I´ve watched Platel´s dancing on youtube about a 100 times.  I´m hoping something will stick by osmosis alone. Oh, and did I mention our teacher told us to dance like a queen? At this point it was hard to keep a straight face, as I was still adjusting my port de bras to my invisible tutu.. But for once, I cast my inner sarcastic critic aside and held my head up high. Majestically and high above the tutu-line. ;)

Break Your Feet!

Look mom, no hands! Remember the first time you were allowed to venture into center with your pointe shoes on? I do. It was not 25 years, but just 14 months ago, and my mother sure as hell was no way near to witness this milestone. I felt jubilant nonetheless, and I think the occasion called for some sparkling drinks in ballet-geek company (the best kind). Ah, the benefits of being an adult dancer.. When you leave one barre, another bar is always at the ready. Not that our aprés-ballet bubbly is a daily event - more like once in a season. Just so you know. ;)

This week there was another fabulous milestone. Or more to the pointe, the stepping stone before the actual milestone. We were still at the barre, both hands on, and our teacher was giving us instructions for the next exercise. "You have to break your feet!" Gotta love Madame for being so blunt about it. The exercise was to jump changements in fifth, on pointe. I have tried it a couple of times before, when I was taking basic level in pointe shoes this past summer. My teacher at the time just told me to go for it, and I did some small sautes without really having a clue. This time is different though.

First up, we were told to relevé from seconde, then plié - but not pointe our feet over the boxes the way we usually do (or try to). Instead Madame told us to "break" our feet, that is retract the foot as if you´re trying to grab something. It is not a pretty sight. In fact, Madame told us that it´s the only time she will ever ask us not to be beautiful! I have to admit, I have had mixed feelings about this hopping on pointe with the retracted foot thingy. On the one hand, it´s an amazing technical feat. On the other hand - there is that broken foot look.. But I get the the practical aspect of it too. There really is no other way to hop on pointe. We then proceeded to jumping changements, still at the barre and with extra attention on the positioning of our feet.

Next up, hops on one foot in the diagonale the way Giselle does! No, that was just Madame joking around. Phew. At least for now.. :)

Eyes on Me

Note: "Eyes on Me" is not the sequel to "Eyes on the Prize". My ego is not that huge, no need to deflate it. Anyway, that last post was about pirouette spotting and chasing multiple turns. Not about declaring myself a prize. ;) But I could use an ego-boost nonetheless! Or learn how to fake it in class, instead of looking like I´d rather dance into hiding. "Dance like no one is watching." What is that quote about anyway? Feeling free to express yourself and not fearing judgement - which is a good thing, I´ll give you that. But you can´t dance ballet in your own little bubble, not if you want to captivate your audience (imaginary or not). Gotta own that stage, darlings!

Yesterday we continued to practice the GPC variation in pointe class. G (our teacher) is gradually replacing some of the modified steps with the original steps, and it keeps getting more challenging every week. We are now doing the exact same version from 06:20 until 06:47 (video below). Piqué attitudes are still replaced with piqué soutenus, and there are no en dedans pirouettes. But the tombé coupé developpé (or is it fondue relevé?) at 07:06 is now being introduced into the mix. Yesterday I got to try it for the first time in center! Failed a couple of times, tried again, failed better and then almost got it! Cool. :)

Pointe technique is difficult. Remembering all the detailed port de bras, épaulement and where to look while on pointe - even trickier. It is so tempting to keep your eyes on the mirror to check what you´re doing, or look around at the others to make sure you´re dancing the same steps at the same time! I am making some progress, even remembered to look right, then left on the first piqué step. But the hardest part of all is looking straight ahead, and inviting your "audience" to look at you! You need some ballerina attitude for that. And a healthy amount of self-confidence and self-esteem.

What I need most is to rid myself of the belittling noise in my head: "You´re not good enough. Who are you kidding, pretending to be a ballerina?" That stupid fear of looking like I´m trying too much. Too often I feel that as an adult ballet dancer I have to make some sort of a disclaimer: Yes, I know my ballet is pretend-play. Yes, I know there is no foreseeable future where I would dance a variation on pointe, on stage. Yes, I know that given my age and facilities, not likely to happen. But it´s so much fun to practice, and so exciting to learn all these new steps! Do I really have to apologize to my imaginary audience for not looking and dancing like a pro? Nope, I didn´t think so!

In the end my teacher told me not to be shy, and that I dance beautifully. I should just go for it and capture my "audience". Okay then, deep breath and.. all eyes on me!

Face Your Plié

Yesterday we started our advanced ballet class with the usual pliés - except that our teacher had us facing the barre through the entire exercise. Just like in the preceeding beginner's class. Which was a bit odd, but I figured Madame has a good reason for it. I mean, her instructions and corrections are among the best I've ever received. So I don't question, I just do as I'm told.

Sure enough, the moment we turned en face (my barre was in front of the mirror), Madame was behind me. "This exercise is for you." I was to look at my plié, see what I was doing wrong and self-correct myself. Which I then tried to do, with Madame helping me to spot the difference. It's because I have this tendency to do a slight hip-tilt, which I can't feel at all and barely see in the mirror. But it's there.

I think I know why I'm tilting my pliés. There is a very minor scoliosis in my lower back, which causes one hip to be slightly raised, and the right leg to be functionally a wee bit longer. I have also a significantly deeper plie on my right leg than on my left. But it's nothing serious, and has caused me no grief since early adolesence. At least not outside of ballet class.

On the one hand, dancing helps me keep my body balanced. On the other hand, my asymmetry is another obstacle to overcome. I would not care so much, but in ballet those pliés are hugely important! And I have been doing quite well so far, to the pointe that it's only a small adjustment to make. Something to pay extra attention to. I just need to become more aware of my body's mechanics and re-train myself. I so want to get this right.

Ballet is a never-ending journey, pardon the cliché. Except that you don't travel in a straight line, but make stops and midway return-trips along the road. Sometimes you get to do fouetté pirouettes and intricate allegro jumps, and in the next class you are working on improving basic tendus and pliés. One might think that going from advanced to basic is one step forward and two back. It is not. Ballet has its own stepping choreography. Two steps back equal three forward!

My plié is getting there.

Solid advice from Finis Jhung. Pliés and other valuables.

Eyes on the Prize

Teacher: "Your double pirouettes are perfect. If you would use your eyes, you could easily turn quadruples!" Never mind the disclosure of the benefits of spotting, it´s the word perfect that is still ringing in my ears. I mean how often do you get to hear that word in ballet class? Like never is how often! Now, I´m not experiencing sudden delusions of grandeur, rest assured. I´m perfectly certain that there was still room for improvement. For one, I did not snap-spot my turn. And I´m pretty sure Madame would have said to turn out my heel even more. But the turning itself.. You know that feeling, when you are perfectly centered and turning around your axis like a big spinning top?

It´s plain awesome.

I love pirouettes. I love watching a good turner, I love practising turns. Even when they tilt, fail, crash and burn. Something about pirouettes just makes you want to get back on the horse´s axis right away. There is always another chance. Like spinning the roulette. But pirouettes are not about luck. All dancers know the technique involved. The required plum line, the strong core, the preparatory deep plié, the pushing down to get up, the arms that close, the instant pose. I know this too, and still my pirouttes fail me far too often. My triples, they come and go as they please. As for those quadruples - I could possibly crank one out if my life depended on it. Or if it would get me backstage at Kings of Dance.



I´m not a bad turner. I do, however, suck at spotting. So far I have managed  to turn without, but it doesn´t look as neat. And there are apparently limits to the amount of turns you can do without spotting (unless you´re on skates). I can tell you I have practised a lot. A lot lot. Spot - turn - spot. We have been doing this beginning exercise in class where you stand in 6th, and keep shuffling around with the focus on your spot-snapping head. I have repeated the same exercise at home. It´s the same as in the video above. But when I get to the actual pirouette, my head somehow refuses to spot twice. It´s like it has a mind of its own.

Maybe the problem is my eyes. I´m nearsighted, and wear neither contacts nor eyeglasses to class. By the way, that´s what still keeps me looking young in the mirror. In-built soft-focus lense - smooths away wrinkles like no botox does! Maybe that is not the problem either. I can see both the trees and the forest outside my window, so I should be physically able to spot a spot in class, right? Perhaps I just have slow eyes. Maybe I´m too much of a dreamer. Lots of maybes going on here.. But, it´s one thing to let go and have the music carry you to new places. It´s another thing to maintain control at the same time. Turning is not about letting go. You have to take charge, be the boss of your pirouette. Decide beforehand whether you want turn once, twice or thrice. See yourself turning - and always finish in style!

Occasionally I succeed and all the x-factors come together to produce one super pirouette (for my own standards, mind you). In Berlin I did a triple from fifth with arms en couronne, and it was sweet! In Madame´s class I once did a 3,5 turn - we were supposed to finish facing the other corner and I had too much speed going. So I let it turn. There is definitely potential for more. Maybe even those quadruples. I just need to keep my eyes on the prize.

Cabrioles, Cake and Cinderella

Sunday evening, and my vacation week is just about to close. Normally I would not suffer from the Monday Blues, but this time I have come down with a very annoying cold. Which means that there will be no dance classes for me! Work, if I can manage it, but afterwards straight home and back on the couch. Did I already mention that I hate missing classes? You guessed? Alright then..

Terence Kohler: Cinderella – A Tragic Tale
Pictured Tiina Myllymäki, Michal Krčmář
  Photo: Sakari Viika.

But let me recap my vacation week just a little, because it was all dance from Monday to Friday! To kick the week off, I took my usual intermediate-advanced class - but followed by a basic level class in pointe shoes. The last time I did this was way back in summer, when there were no actual pointe classes available. But I liked it, and it helped me a lot. Even doing a simple developpé in center becomes a challenge in those boat-is-rocking pointe shoes! Which means you get a better sense of feeling the floor, and your balance will improve. So I asked my teacher if it would be okay to squeeze into basic level, and then tied my ribbons.

It was fun! We did a basic barre, but there were some pointe exercises as well: sous tenus, piqués, and added relevés. I did my fondues facing the barre, because I´m not strong enough to do a clean set with just one hand for support. But I tried to do the entire and very long frappé set entirely in relevé. Cramp alert! Center was good, and no cramps. The pirouette exercise was too quick, but I braved single turns nonethless. Doubles? Not there yet. To finish the class, we did chaînés déboulés: three turns, pause (come down) and repeat. On my right, more newborn giraffe than graceful ballerina. On my better left, hello chaînés! Now I´m seriously considering adding this class to my permanent rep. That would mean a total of three pointe classes each week. I might have to buy my new pair sooner than I had budgeted for..

Tuesday it was time for Madame´s classes again. My favorite time! Right along with my Friday classes, and please never ask me to choose. I love them both; their styles are different but compliment each other in the best way! Anyway, Tuesday class was solid goodness. Our teacher was in an especially good mood and gave us a tough, pro-level class. Just the way I like it! There was a bit of Balanchine, some Denmark (as in Bournonville), lots of French school and plenty of Madame´s own elegant and fluid style - you can´t really ask for more. Having said that, my pirouettes from Monday have gone missing but I´m hoping they haven´t travelled too far. Miss you guys!

Class note: when jumping grand allegro, do not neglect the second leg! Let it go higher!

Pointe class with Madame was brilliant. Hard work, but she calls it "money in the bank". Seriously, you have to do the killer relevés. Nothing comes from nothing. There was this one move where we did a big honking grand plié in second, on pointe, and all the way down. Then took one hand from the barre and used it to push and stretch our arches. In center we did a small variation with piqués and ballonés, which I´m finally getting.. And our usual balances up in fifth, with battements lent in all directions. I don´t know why it feels easier to piqué into balance and stay there, than to degagé from a closed position in relevé - but it does.

Wednesdays I usually recover from Tuesdays, but hey - vacation! As in sleeping late and relaxing. Which is why I decided to take another class with another teacher. Except she was ill, and my own teacher surprise substituting! I hope that other teacher is feeling better already, but at the time I was not complaining! It was a good class and I had a fun stretching-chatting session afterwards with a dance buddy. Get me talking about dance and there´s no end to that conversation!

Thursday we went to see the last dress rehearsal for the Finnish National Ballet´s new production of Cinderella. The choreography by Terence Kohler is not the traditional fairy-tale, but a psychological and dark retelling of a tragedy. It´s a story about loss and loneliness and the need to be loved. Despite its sinister overtones, there is hope and in the end, love heals. We were really impressed by Kohler´s cinematic storytelling, by Auerbach´s equally cinematic score and by the dancers. The choregraphy is a mix of modern dance and dance theatre, but the language of classical ballet is not forgotten. Cinderella´s pointe shoes play a significant role..

After our ballet at noon, we of course had to have some après-ballet cake and coffee. Cheesecake with sea buckthorn berrys and capuccino. Delish. Followed by pointe shoe shopping! My friend bought Bloch Heritages and I bought me some big-toe gel tubes. It really was a good day for ballet. And cake. Yes, you can have your cake and dance too! :)

This is the cake I had. One piece only!

Did I say short recap? Okay then. Friday was another double set of advanced class, followed by pointe class. I was already feeling the upcoming cold, lead in my legs and hardly any lift-off on my jumps. But I do recall something.. Yes! I love doing cabrioles to the side!

Class note: when doing rondes de jambes en terre, remember to stretch the working foot before you pass it through first.