The Wind Beneath My Fingers

I have this one bad ballet habit: my index finger which keeps sticking out like a lightning rod. I call it the pointy pointer. Like with all mannerisms, it's difficult to tell when it began and how it prevailed, but it's damn hard to get rid of. It takes a lot of corrections and reminders to retrain automatic responses. And sometimes it takes a picture to really drive the point home. A friend of mine took this impromptu shot after our last Sunday class of the season. Nothing planned about it, hence the red face (caused by lack of air-conditioning and subtropical temperatures) and no make-up (would have melted away). We were in a hurry, and only took a couple of photographs - not the hundred you would need for one perfect image. Still, I was pretty happy with this one. Had it not been for the pointy finger!

Next class, my teacher took me aside. Which means she gives you a lengthy correction, which you repeat until you get it (half-)right. This time, it was about my fingers. I have repeatedly been told to soften the movement, even to play with my port de bras. I love these kind of instructions, because I want to dance - not just do technical exercises at the barre. Of course I work continuously at improving and refining my technique, but there has to be expression in dance. The fact that I'm still shy about expressing myself in class is, however, a topic for another post.. Back to the index. It's not sticking out all the time, mind you, and I don't dance around with crab hands! But it's there when I tense up, or when I do big jumps with arms in couronne, or when I try too hard.

Yesterday, my teacher told me imagine that my fingers were moving with the wind. It made me think of leaves rustling in the summer breeze, a most welcome sound and sight after a long winter.. Hands and fingers should not be static, but just as alive as the rest of your dancing body. There can be subtle movement, even when you're  holding still. It's something to work on, and I'm looking forward to seeing and feeling the change. Such is ballet: you live, you learn and you dance. With the wind beneath your fingers. 

Ballet de Chat, The Lessons

In the past years, my ballet teacher has often told us to move like cats.. It's an image that has kind of stuck to my mind, and now I cannot help but see ballet in cat photos everywhere. That's how I came up with the "Ballet de Chat -lessons." The photos are from pinterest, and do not belong to me, but all texts were added by myself. The lessons are straight from class, and quite a few are courtesy of Marie-Pierre, our marvellous teacher of the cat move.

Which is your favorite lesson?

My New Alpha Pointe Shoes

My first pair of custom made pointe shoes.. I feel like Cinderella, even though the shoes were not made specifically for me. They were a gift from a friend who no longer dances en pointe, and who knew we have about the same shoe size. Lucky me! I couldn't wait to try the "Alphas" on - maybe I have finally found my perfect match? Custom made or not, traditional pointe shoes can be modified and broken in to fit your feet. Unless, of course, they are way too short/wide/narrow to begin with. But before I did anything that could ruin my new pair, I asked my teacher Marie-Pierre for advice. She told me to bring the shoes to class so that we could fix them together (if possible). A professional shoe-break-in-session, yay!

I was in class early, as we had agreed, and waiting with my shoes and carpet knife. Unfortunately I had forgotten to pack my own, and the knife I borrowed from work seemed much too flimsy. Yes, you read right: a carpet knife is a handy tool for tuning and thinning the sole of your pointe shoes. The Alphas are already pre-cut, but I had also brought my old Balance Europeans which needed some fine-tuning. Just make sure the blade is sharp, and take safety measures. M-P told me how she had once witnessed the soloist prepare her shoes before Giselle's opening night. She was cutting into the leather, when her hand slipped and the knife sliced right into her thigh. So be extra careful, and kids: do not do this at home, and certainly not without adult supervision! But before any sole-slicing, things were about to get even more violent.

Satin cut away from under the box. 

My teacher apologized beforehand, but I had already given her the custody of my shoes. I trust her implicitly, so she could do with them whatever she felt necessary. First, she opened the door and placed the shoe between the hinges. This is how you flatten a too hard/high box (if you know what you're doing). It's also a way to break doors, so watch out.. After the door treatment came the stepping onto shoes. Madame stood on the box with her full ballerina-weight (ask a big guy for more pressure), and then handed the shoe over to me. Oh, and lest I not forget: she checked how the shoes fit my feet before she proceeded to break them in. They were okay length-wise, but felt a bit too narrow across the metatarsal bones. And the box was damn hard on my big toe joint, around the bunion area. After she gave the shoes the ballerina treatment, I was amazed at the result. They fit my feet, I could go on pointe, without pain - and without padding!

The outer sole is of 3/4 quarter length, and the shank has been pre-cut to match. The leather insole is full length for comfort.

That's another thing. Pointe shoes are made to dance in. It's not like wearing stiletto Jimmy Choos and taking the limo to your destination so you only need to cross the red carpet (and kick you shoes off under the table). Of course, pointe shoes are not like wearing sneakers either. There's bound to be some discomfort, certainly at the end of a pointe class. But you cannot have the shoes and dance too. Okay,  not sure if my cake reference is working here... What I mean to say is that pointe shoes are supposed to be an extension of your feet, your technique and your artistry. If you can't articulate your feet in your too hard shoes, what good will that do? Whatever we are doing in soft shoes, we should be able to do in our pointe shoes.

My new shoes are now almost ready. I've sewn on the ribbons, which have a bit of elastic to relieve pressure at the achilles tendon. I've never tried these "elastorib"-ribbons before, and it took me a while to measure the correct placement. The little user's manual tells you how to, and it's really not that complicated. I still need to get elastic ribbons to prevent the heels from slipping off, but that's been a bit trickier. I like to use Bloch's covert elastic, which was sold out last time I checked. I bought Gaynor Minden's similar elastic instead, but I don't like it. The colour doesn't match and it's not wide enough. I called the shop yesterday, and will make a trek there this Sunday (yes, it's open on Sundays). I really want to wear my new shoes next Tuesday. There are only two more classes with M-P before the summer break, and I really prefer her expert guidance.

Elastorib satins from Bloch. Love how the colour matches the shoes. Oh, and they do feel more comfortable. 

Another thing.. These shoes have a much narrower fit than my usual Bloch Balance Europeans (size 6 XX), which means I can't fit my ouch-pouches into them. It's been a while since I've taped my toes, a procedure I have not missed. It's a bit of a hassle, especially if you need to tape them already before your regular class. Feet get sweaty, and tape doesn't always stay in place. I wonder what your experiences are with taping?

I haven't written anything yet about the 3/4 outsole and cut shank design.. They are supposed to help you achieve maximum arch of the foot, and still be supportive enough. My teacher reckons they could work very well on my feet, which are strong but don't have that much of an instep. She's already shown me how to adapt the soles of my old (and current) shoes, so I have some experience with a very bendy shank. I expect first class to be hard on my feet, and I'm defintely bringing my old shoes along if I need to change before pointe class is over. But we will see. The story continues...

Natural Dancer

Vacant eyes, furrowed brows and dead poses.. That doesn't sound like the ballet we all love so much. Yet, most of us have been guilty of committing one or more of the above. I have at times concentrated so hard on my alignment that I was en dehors with my feet but turned in with my expression. So deep inside my own dance-sphere that I forgot my "audience" entirely. Okay, I admit that it's easy to get lost in the music and in the moment, but that abandon should be a joy that's entirely visible to anyone looking. Even if it's only your teacher. Even if she happens to look in the other direction at the precise moment of your wonderful balance, triple pirouette and twinkling eyes. My own teacher always tells us to be generous with our dancing, in both our pliés and our personality. Don't want to look like nobody's at home, now do we?

The dead pose is another trap we sometimes fall into. Thinking "hold" when you should breath and elongate, and most of all, dance. It's so obvious - that's why you're there, to dance. But often there's a tendency to work through exercises, thinking about positions and corrections, pushing and working to get the legs higher, the core stronger, the back longer... And then we forget to dance. Movement becomes artificial, not art in motion. It can be a simple port de bras, a cambré to the side, like we did last time in class (and in every  class before). Our teacher Marie-Pierre was not happy with us. We were being static, like dead statues, when we should have been fluid, continuously in movement. She told us to dance, because if you really dance, ballet looks natural. Yes, ballet with all its unnatural turnout, extreme positions and épaulement dating back to Louis the Great.

Ballet - c'est dur, so hard - and yet we keep coming back for more. Why? It has to be more than work and staying in shape. It's living, breathing, dancing. The feeling of accomplishment when you finally grasp a difficult move, after not giving up. The sense of joy when your body leaps off the ground in a big jeté. The way your arms and fingers and toes become extensions of something bigger, something that can only be expressed through dance. And, finally, that moment when dance has become second nature and you  really are a natural dancer.

Birthday Ballet

What a day! First, I was almost late for my bus because I had so much fun reading all the incoming b-day wishes on facebook. Luckily, I made it to class just on time... phew. You see, it's a time-honored tradition of mine to celebrate birthdays with ballet and bubbly (in that order, mind you). Last year I was sick with the flu, but before that it has always been class or going to ballet performances. A few years back, I even used to fly to my old home town Berlin - lots of great memories there! Last time I was there, spring had arrived early (not late like this year), and the whole city was in bloom. I took morning class at Marameo, then had a lovely après-ballet mimosa in an outdoor boat café, anchored on the Spree river. The sun was warming my face, and I was loving my life..

Today was just as awesome. Before we began with the barre, our pianist Dmitri serenaded us with a rendition of Happy Birthday, and my fellow dancers sang along. I was not the only b-day girl in class, which made it all twice as fun! Jenny, thanks for sharing.. :) Our teacher Virve Olsson gave us a challenging barre in a quick tempo, which had me struggling at times, but not too much. Although, I really have to work on my en dedans turns from fifth, especially when the finishing pose opens the passé leg a la seconde. I was better on the right side, but going to the left.. a mess. Still, it's always fun trying! I liked Virve's barre, it was very dancey. I also loved her demonstrations, she looks like she just stepped off the stage. Well, as it happens, she only recently retired from the Finnish National Ballet.

Center was lovely. We did an adagio with a bit of a Don Quijote feel. We were to imagine being the ballerina who is preparing to dance Kitri, right before she goes on. What I liked about it most, is that we we got to interject our own personalities, and play a little. It's much more enjoyable that way. But the best part was still coming. After a few more degagés and pirouettes and warm-up jumps, the familiar music from Sleeping Beauty's big entrance filled the studio... It was my first time practicing any of Aurora's variations. Well, it's only a short bit of course, but exactly the one I've wanted to dance. Full of energy and excitement and joy! I love that we got to have fun with it, without worrying too much about technical purity. Anyway, we are still leaning the steps - cleaning it all up comes next. To top the class off, we did our grand jetés to Kitri's music from Don Quijote. Oh, and let's not forget the après-class bubbly pink champagne, macarones and box of chocolates.. Can you think of a better way to spend a ballet birthday?

My Dear Younger Self

My dear younger self, first let me congratulate you upon all your past birthdays - it has been a delight to grow old. Despite quite a few aches and pains.. But you will be happy to know that I never ceased to dance. I still dance to this day, a silver and wrinkly swan among unlined faces and young, firm things. There is no resisting the pull of gravity, but my dancer's body is putting up one hell of a fight! Looking back at your present fortysomething age, I wish you would enjoy your "ripeness" instead of worrying about grey hairs. My dear, you're still a plum - not yet a prune. There is bounce in your jump (which I now only dream of), you can turn without getting dizzy, and you have yet so much to learn and dance! Sweetie, you think it's odd to be old enough to be a mother to your fellow dancers? Just wait until you're old enough to be a mom to your teachers! Still, life is good - I have no regrets, at least not when it comes to dancing.

My dear younger self, I'm writing this so you might learn some lessons earlier than I did. First, do not be afraid. Your dancing life will eventually come to an end, so be sure to make it a good one. You don't have to dance every class like it's your last, but you're going to be so much happier if you don't hold back.  Make "someday" this day. Give yourself every chance to fail and try again and learn as much as you can. Failing in class is not equal to being a failure - it is part of learning and growing as a dancer. Falling on your butt does good too. There's no harm in pushing beyond your comfort zone.

My dear self, stop believing you're less of a dancer because you're not as talented as you would like to be. There are more aspects to classical ballet than perfect fifth positions, high extensions and bendy backs. Musicality, personality, artistry - all these are essential in dance. Be as it may, your turn-out isn't that bad, neither is your plié. You are able to stretch your knees, forward your heels, point your toes and elongate your back. This is not a bad instrument you have. You do not look like a ballerina, but sometimes you almost dance like one. Short but sweet moments, here and there. Enjoy every moment, and embrace all that you can do. Do not listen to the Shitty Committee, ever.

Let your personality shine through (and on very bad days, at least make an effort not to act like a grumpy old woman). Do not worry what others might think. There are worse things in life than looking silly in ballet class. Exercise your smile muscles, let your eyes sparkle, feel the music vibrating on your skin, the floor beneath your plié, the air under your jetés. Do not forget to breath. Breathing has never been overrated. Remember the advice your teachers gave you, and dance from your heart. While you do, keep working on the quality of your technique. It will carry you (us) into old age.

Finally, I would like to say this: It has been an amazing learning experience, from beginning to middle. A journey without end, and a helluva ride. 

Opening Night at the Ballet

You know when I don't mind missing ballet class? When I get to see ballet performed live, on stage! Which is why I skipped class last night and headed instead to the premiere of The Finnish National Ballet's triple bill Bella Figura. Since I was at work until 18:00 hrs (the ballet starts at 19:00 hrs), I first had to do a quick dress change in our decidedly unglamourous back-office. I tossed my jeans and sweater (we are casual at work) and dressed up in my new LBD and vintage glass beads. Some make-up and hair-spray later, I was feeling elegant enough to mingle with the usual high society premiere crowd. Not that you can't come as you are. In Finland, even jeans are no faux-pas at the opera. But clothes and other finery aside, it's only the dance that really matters. And I was in for a Big Treat.

A girl's gotta have some bling for opening night ;)

It's been almost eighteen years to the day since I last saw Balanchine's Four Temperaments. That time around, Paris Opera Ballet was on tour in Helsinki and I was lucky to be in the audience. Although I don't remember that much - other than being very impressed by elongated lines, technical precision and beautiful dancers such as étoiles Isabelle Guérin, Monique Loudières, Nicholas Le Riche and Aurélie Dupont. Since then, I've only seen bits and pieces on youtube. The Balanchine Trust being overly protective, you only get to see full performances on stage. So I was very excited to finally see live Balanchine again. And I was not disappointed.

If you have seen all the neoclassical and contemporary ballets that came after 4T, you might think that you're seeing nothing new on stage. But look closely, and you will recognize bits of Forsythe and Wheeldon and many others who were strongly influenced by Balanchine's style: the ever-unfolding patterns of the corps, the off-balances, the hips thrusting out of square torsos, the angular lines and the way he stripped ballet of its narrative. The ballet is not easy on its dancers: there's the Balanchine style - which many say requires specific training early on - the kind you would get at SAB's school. Then there are the costumes: the ballerinas wear black leotards and white tights - which tend to add weight to even the most svelte dancers' legs. Actually, it makes ballerinas look more womanly - like us non-pro-dancers! Not that I could ever pull it off on stage..

Artists of the Finnish National Ballet in George Balanchine's The Four Temperaments.
Photo courtesy of The Finnish National Ballet. Photographer Sakari Viika.

But never mind the technichal nor costume challenges -  the artists of The Finnish National Ballet looked assured and elegant on stage, and danced the most difficult steps with considerable aplomb. I was especially impressed with Eu-Jin Ha's performance - she has long lines (despite being tiny of size), the kind of technique that lets you sit back and enjoy the ride, and a glamorous presence to top it off. Linda Haakana (one of the few Finnish dancers) was perfectly cast as the choleric temperament. But 4T is really a company piece, and as such was well danced. And the orchestra (led by Ollitapio Lehtinen) played Paul Hindemith's music to perfection. But I have to admit that Four Temperaments is not my favorite Balanchine ballet. On that list goes Serenade, Jewels, Who Cares - and there are others that remain to be seen yet.

William Forsythe: In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated. Dancers Eun-Ji Ha and Andrew Bowman.
Photo courtesy of The Finnish National Ballet / Sakari Viika.

After sipping some complimentary bubbly during intermission, I was most eager to see Forsythe's In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated. This piece too was danced by POB on their Helsinki tour - but again I remember no details - other than being blown out of my seat. The same happened yesterday. Except about the memory loss. FNB's performance was superb, world-class, über-cool contemporary ballet. Really, I'm running out of superlatives here. Musically, spot on - and Thom Willem's music is far from easy to dance to. I know this by some personal experience, as our teacher Marie-Pierre rehearsed a In the Middle -inspired small piece with my pointe class last year.  She has danced both female leads herself, and trust me when I say that she still looks and dances the part. Of course, our choreography was considerably shorter and adapted to our abilities, but it was still different from anything else I have ever danced. It was oddly exhilarating hearing the music last night, and equally exciting that there were a few moves which I recognized from our own rehearsals. Made my muscles twitch!

As for FNB's dancers: Wow. One dancer especially stood out: Xiaoyu He. He's still very young, but already a technical virtuoso with a strong stage presence. Could not take my eyes off him. Although In the Middle is a company piece, and all dancers get to be on the forefront. The women rocked, with Eu-Jin Ha, in of the the female leads, impressing me yet again. I only wish that I could be so fearless in my dancing (and be as flexible and whatnot). Edita Rauserová was equally brill, with luscious extensions and precision attack. Andrew Bowman of the Royal Danish Ballet (he is guest-performing with FNB this spring) was rock solid in everything he did - both as a soloist and partner. By the way, he also happened to partner my teacher Marie-Pierre ten years ago (see photo above)! And he provided an interesting if unvoluntary visual effect: sprays of sweat glistening in the spotlight, with each turn and jump. Kathryn Bennets, who rehearsed the ballet, apparently told the dancers that "others too have survived (this)". I can see that In the Middle is the ultimate test for every ballet dancer - and a must-see for every ballet fan!

Jiri Kylian: Bella Figura. Dancer Emmi Pennanen.
Photo courtesy of The Finnish National Ballet / Sakari Viika.

Another intermission, and more bubbly plus delicious pink macarons - you gotta love opening nights! The final pièce de résistance of the evening was Jiri Kylián's Bella Figura. This I had never seen before. But what little I've seen of Kylian's work, has always struck me as genius. In Bella Figura, he employs the curtains as ever changing frames and props for the dancers to wrap themselves into. When the first dancer (Emmi Pennanen) appeared behind the curtains, I was struck both by her vulnerability, physical beauty and strength. The topless-ness of the dancers (both female and male) may be what has given this piece its most fame, but the semi-nudity is never gratuitous. The human body is celebrated as such - in its purest form. Bella Figura made me tear up. Happy tears - for the dancers who get to perform such works of art, and for us viewers who get to share in the experience.

Playtime

Looking at my last post "Without Dance", I should have named it "Without Blogging" instead. But, as life happens, sometimes you get busy with stuff and other stuff suffers. Not to make a mystery of it: I went back to full-time paid employment. Which was a welcome change after stretching my budget till no end. Seriously, the end of all ballet classes was thisclose. So you can imagine my relief and enthusiasm after finally finding what I was looking for, and still being able to dance as much as I want. And need. But the blogging has been hard to squeeze in. For a while, I moved "operations" over to facebook - but I do miss the writing (and hope you've missed it too.) So much for explaining my blogabsence. Now let's get on with the blogging!

"I Want to See Colours From You"

That's what my teacher told me, some weeks ago. I trust she was not refering to my class attire, although I did change into a more colourful outfit the next week: a red cotton tank top, which goes well with my two-layered ballet skirt (black & red), and a crocheted multi-colour triangular scarf to tie around my waist. I figured that it would at least work as a reminder. Because what my teacher was essentially telling me, is that my dancing is kind of bland. Technically fairly neat and clean, and all the arm and head positions correct, but without colours and nuances. Madame wants me to be more pronounced with my épaulement, more creative with my port de tête, and not look like a ballet school robot. She wants to see me dance in class, at the barre, in center - and then do the same on stage. Which is possibly the best feedback I've ever gotten. There was really nothing negative about it ("bland" is my own choice of word). Instead I feel like I've been given a positive task, a compliment even. She must think that I'm ready for it.

If all else fails... ; ) Dancer: Ilmira Bagautdinova. Photo (c) Mark Olich.

"Play With Your Port de Bras"

Seriously, how often do you get told to play in ballet class? For me, it was a first. Now, I've always been confident about my port de bras, and have considered it as one of my strengths in ballet. Madame said nothing to the contrary, she even called it nice and pretty - but now she's asking me to play. Again, I think this is positively awesome advice. All my other classes are very much text-book academic, at least at the barre. Even allongés are strictly regulated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to strict ballet class academics. You do need to learn the rules first before you get to break them. Playtime is earned.

Colour Me Happy

I have to admit that I've been somewhat shy to follow these new in-colour-instructions. I'm not one to shout out my presence in class, or elsewhere for that matter. Blogging is different. But I've noticed something very interesting. When you focus less on your feet, and think more about the upper body dancing - you dancing - then the rest follows much more easily. It can be no coincidence that my triples have returned at the same time I started to "play"! And it makes class so much more joyful when you get to infuse some of your own personality into everything.

Up until recently, I used to think that my weak points (lack of flexibility and turn out, among others) would always outweigh my strong suits and set me apart from the more talented crowd. You know, along the lines of "she dances quite well for an adult, shame about the _____ (insert whatever perceived or real flaw). But it's not like that at all. I have it in me to be a beautiful, elegant and expressive dancer. It's not going to be easy - but I fully expect it to be wonderful. This is why I love to dance, after all.

Without Dance

My eleven-day-ballet-break ends today. First class of 2013 is coming up, and I'm feeling both excitement and a little dread. A bit too much of rest & relaxation during the holidays, not to mention a surplus of chocolates and mulled wine.. Yesterday evening I caught my reflection in the window, and just had to practice arabesques, extending my leg as high as possible. Today my lower back reminds of the fact that I'm not the youngest dancer anymore. Ouch. I vaguely remember a time when eleven days of not dancing was no biggie in terms of bouncing back to ballet form. You went to class and were as good as before. These days I need twice the time of a break to realign myself. I need to keep this in mind, because one of my New Year's dancesolutions is this: Aim high, and work hard - but don't be too hard on yourself!

Dear Readers, I wish you a Happy New Year - many wonderful discoveries, and plenty of ballet bliss!

Snowflakes Outside my Window

Today, on the morning of Christmas Eve, I did my last dash to the grocery store. Not so much dashing as stomping my way through ankle-deep new snow. It has been snowing all of December, every single day, at least that I can remember. On Christmas Eve stores close at noon, and won't open again until Thursday. Finns take Joulu (Finnish for Christmas) very seriously and like to make an early retreat. I do enjoy this time of the year: the snowed-in landscapes, the candle light in the evenings, the mulled wine and other Christmas treats (chocolate being a year-round favorite), the Nutcracker season - and Snowflakes. I love the dance of the Snowflakes most, and wish I could just once be one. Frothy tutu and glittering tiara included. Sadly, the only snowflakes I encounter are outdoors..

Snowflakes in Royal Ballet's Nutcracker. Photo (c) Alice Pennefather / ROH.

When I was still in school, I used to ski and ice skate outdoors whenever there was snow and ice. I'm ashamed to say that I've gotten lazy since. It's much more comfy to sweat in a dance studio, even though sub-zero temperatures mean extra layers of warm-up wear. However, since I discovered that the field at the edge of the forest (I can see it from my window) is now an ice skating field.. Maybe it's time to get myself new skates? I just realised that I haven't ice skated since I started ballet! Professional ballerinas (or those in the making) are probably not supposed to, because of the risk of injury. At least that's what my teacher said. But I'm no ballerina, I can risk falling on my butt. And after twenty years of sticking to non-iced grounds that's pretty likely to happen.

Speaking of ballet (that's what this blog is about after all): I'm taking a break from ballet! Just for the duration of our eleven-day Christmas break, nothing more. And nothing less. This time around, I really need it. There was that stress from moving house, then rehearsals on top of regular classes, then the xmas show, followed by more classes and other stress... and then I kinda zonked out. The last class of 2012 went by in a sloppy-toed and tired blur. My teacher was not pleased with me, she thinks that I take class too seriously and get frustrated too easily - especially when I'm tired or stressed. Which admittedly is not far from the truth, but this time there were circumstances which I explained later. Anyway, my teacher knows me pretty well and reminded that we can't always do and be our best - and that's okay. No reason to get upset over. She's right, of course. But sometimes life is hard, and even ballet class can't make it right. Better, yes.

New York City Ballet's Snowflakes. Photo (c) Paul Kolnik.

So, I'm not really counting the last class of 2012 as the grand finale of my ballet year. That, my friends, took place in the preceding Tuesday and Wednesday lessons. In Marie-Pierre's class I got the kind of corrections that push you further, and the inspiration that lifts you higher - literally. I love that she teaches the way she sees it, without watering ballet down for us adult recreational "ballerinas". The demand for quality is always there, as is the refining of your technique and expression. It doesn't matter so much how high you can lift your legs, but what does matter is how you do it. There is not a moment wasted, not a beat that isn't danced to the best of your ability - present and future.

Tuesday's class was even more awesome than usual. Because of the upcoming Holidays, there were less of us - which translated into more to do and more corrections from a very demanding Marie-Pierre. Sure, I could sometimes take class without, but getting those personal corrections always changes something for the better. Or, at least it gives you an idea where to go from here. For instance, when were doing ronde de jambes, I was told to watch out for that last moment in ecarté (the hardest bit). There are still a few millimeters left to turn my heel out even more. Not forcing anything, but using proper alignment and awareness. I'm continuously surprised that there is so much "more" for me to accomplish! "More!" is in fact something I frequently hear from Madame. It means being generous with your/mine plié, with the length of your allongé, with you presence and projection.

Artists of the National Ballet of Canada backstage at The Nutcracker. Photo (c) Bruce Zinger.

Another awesome moment of Tuesday: I finally nailed my pirouettes right in front of my teacher! She was walking backwards, following our line (a little unnerving) - and I felt confident and on top of my legs. Clean doubles, both en dehors and en dedans. Clean meaning properly aligned heels, which is always a challenge for me. Madame keeps reminding me every time, but this time even she was finally happy. Result! There was also a moment in pointe class. We were doing balances in center, and I had that same secure and calm feeling. From fifth, degagés en avant and arrière (about 45°), and passé retirés - plié and repeat. It's impossible to do the entire exercise without a wobble, but I managed a few nice balances. Marie-Pierre gave me an appreciative nod afterwards on top of the regular praise (she's very generous that way). Yay! There was more, both in the way of corrections and getting-it-right moments - but I want to wrap this up in time to unwrap my xmas presents...

Snowflakes from San Francisco Ballet's Nutcracker. Photo (c) Erik Tomasson.

Wednesday was "Johanna's Pirouette Day." Really, that's what our teacher Gabriella called it after class (not those exact words in English, but that's the gist of it). Most had left already, only a dance buddy (with better turns than mine) was still there. I would have known it even without the praise, but it's always nice being acknowledged. Especially after a very long and insecure non-turning plateau. I'm not sure what was different, because I know my technique has been there for much longer. It must have been the calm and happy state I was in. No stress, just having fun, while remaining focused in the moment. Even my bad spotting was better - and I managed a rare triple (rare for me). My pirouettes were not the only cherries of that class, it was the entire atmosphere: relaxed, fun, motivated. I had enough energy to do two classes back to back, and Gabriella pushed me to go for a deeper penché and a higher leg. Apparently I can do it! Yay!

But now it's time to rest and recharge ballet batteries. My right knee has been acting up since Thursday, I suspect it's something to do with quads and their tendons, right where they attach at the top of the knee. It hurts when I do a deep plie on one leg, and gets achy after being bent for too long. I have now eight full days to recover, and hope that does it. All I plan to do is enjoy the snow (inside and outdoors), watch several Nutcrackers, read some, write some, eat well and plenty, meet family and friends and have a lovely time. I wish you the same: a wonderful Christmas and Happy Holidays!

- Johanna

All photos not credited are (c) Pointe Til You Drop.

Get Your Face On

I'm pretty good with my port de bras. At times I have to watch out for the droopy elbows, and take care that fingers don't freeze into positions. Oh, and make sure that arms are not too high in first, and not too far back in couronne. But, all in all, I think that my port de bras is one of my stonger suits. This, however, is not the case with my port de tête. I know to look sideways when the steps call for it, or front when it's first arabesque - you know, the basic directions. But other than that, my face and eyes tend to stay too much straight ahead. It makes my dancing look static, like I'm just going through the motions.

"Present yourself!" It's perhaps the most frequent guidelines we get to hear in class - and personally speaking, one of the hardest. I get shy in front of an audience, even if it's just the teacher and my classmates watching. Not the kind of shy where I blush and retreat to the corner, but the kind that has me dancing smaller than I could. Like a wallflower, instead of a blooming rose.. I hesitate to put myself out there, to get my face on and dance full out, expressions and all. I'd rather keep my poker face, check my alignment in the mirror and smile mostly on the inside.

Somewhere along I forgot that dancing involves the entire body, literally from head to toes. Partly it's because the performing aspect is fairly new to me. Before, ballet class was something I did for myself only - in the sense that an (imaginary) audience was never part of class. I enjoyed dancing as such, and did not give much thought to what my face looked like or when and how I should tilt my head. Or how to project and present myself. But I'm getting there.

Seeing myself on video has definitely helped. After you get over the cringe-factor, it's an excellent learning experience. I could see that while my chaînés turned alright, my head was too slow to spot. It made my turning look sluggish. I could also see that the lack of port de tête makes my dancing look boring, which is not the quality I'm looking for! One of my teachers (Marie-Pierre) saw our spring show, and noted the same (the static head - not the boring aspect). Yesterday, she told me that she had planned to work on this with me, but during the long summer break kind of forgot about it (we have been focusing on other things). Anyway, we had a short chat before class about the upcoming show, and then she made me work like I was on stage already. Marie-Pierre reminded me to use my head and eyes and gave me exact directions, even through pointe class. When to tilt my head in pas de bourré, change directions, or how to present myself - not just the basic academics, but the dancing. There is so much to learn, so much to express! A subtle movement here, a big pose there. Nuances, shades and colours. Time to get my face on.