Opening Night at the Ballet

You know when I don't mind missing ballet class? When I get to see ballet performed live, on stage! Which is why I skipped class last night and headed instead to the premiere of The Finnish National Ballet's triple bill Bella Figura. Since I was at work until 18:00 hrs (the ballet starts at 19:00 hrs), I first had to do a quick dress change in our decidedly unglamourous back-office. I tossed my jeans and sweater (we are casual at work) and dressed up in my new LBD and vintage glass beads. Some make-up and hair-spray later, I was feeling elegant enough to mingle with the usual high society premiere crowd. Not that you can't come as you are. In Finland, even jeans are no faux-pas at the opera. But clothes and other finery aside, it's only the dance that really matters. And I was in for a Big Treat.

A girl's gotta have some bling for opening night ;)

It's been almost eighteen years to the day since I last saw Balanchine's Four Temperaments. That time around, Paris Opera Ballet was on tour in Helsinki and I was lucky to be in the audience. Although I don't remember that much - other than being very impressed by elongated lines, technical precision and beautiful dancers such as étoiles Isabelle Guérin, Monique Loudières, Nicholas Le Riche and Aurélie Dupont. Since then, I've only seen bits and pieces on youtube. The Balanchine Trust being overly protective, you only get to see full performances on stage. So I was very excited to finally see live Balanchine again. And I was not disappointed.

If you have seen all the neoclassical and contemporary ballets that came after 4T, you might think that you're seeing nothing new on stage. But look closely, and you will recognize bits of Forsythe and Wheeldon and many others who were strongly influenced by Balanchine's style: the ever-unfolding patterns of the corps, the off-balances, the hips thrusting out of square torsos, the angular lines and the way he stripped ballet of its narrative. The ballet is not easy on its dancers: there's the Balanchine style - which many say requires specific training early on - the kind you would get at SAB's school. Then there are the costumes: the ballerinas wear black leotards and white tights - which tend to add weight to even the most svelte dancers' legs. Actually, it makes ballerinas look more womanly - like us non-pro-dancers! Not that I could ever pull it off on stage..

Artists of the Finnish National Ballet in George Balanchine's The Four Temperaments.
Photo courtesy of The Finnish National Ballet. Photographer Sakari Viika.

But never mind the technichal nor costume challenges -  the artists of The Finnish National Ballet looked assured and elegant on stage, and danced the most difficult steps with considerable aplomb. I was especially impressed with Eu-Jin Ha's performance - she has long lines (despite being tiny of size), the kind of technique that lets you sit back and enjoy the ride, and a glamorous presence to top it off. Linda Haakana (one of the few Finnish dancers) was perfectly cast as the choleric temperament. But 4T is really a company piece, and as such was well danced. And the orchestra (led by Ollitapio Lehtinen) played Paul Hindemith's music to perfection. But I have to admit that Four Temperaments is not my favorite Balanchine ballet. On that list goes Serenade, Jewels, Who Cares - and there are others that remain to be seen yet.

William Forsythe: In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated. Dancers Eun-Ji Ha and Andrew Bowman.
Photo courtesy of The Finnish National Ballet / Sakari Viika.

After sipping some complimentary bubbly during intermission, I was most eager to see Forsythe's In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated. This piece too was danced by POB on their Helsinki tour - but again I remember no details - other than being blown out of my seat. The same happened yesterday. Except about the memory loss. FNB's performance was superb, world-class, über-cool contemporary ballet. Really, I'm running out of superlatives here. Musically, spot on - and Thom Willem's music is far from easy to dance to. I know this by some personal experience, as our teacher Marie-Pierre rehearsed a In the Middle -inspired small piece with my pointe class last year.  She has danced both female leads herself, and trust me when I say that she still looks and dances the part. Of course, our choreography was considerably shorter and adapted to our abilities, but it was still different from anything else I have ever danced. It was oddly exhilarating hearing the music last night, and equally exciting that there were a few moves which I recognized from our own rehearsals. Made my muscles twitch!

As for FNB's dancers: Wow. One dancer especially stood out: Xiaoyu He. He's still very young, but already a technical virtuoso with a strong stage presence. Could not take my eyes off him. Although In the Middle is a company piece, and all dancers get to be on the forefront. The women rocked, with Eu-Jin Ha, in of the the female leads, impressing me yet again. I only wish that I could be so fearless in my dancing (and be as flexible and whatnot). Edita Rauserová was equally brill, with luscious extensions and precision attack. Andrew Bowman of the Royal Danish Ballet (he is guest-performing with FNB this spring) was rock solid in everything he did - both as a soloist and partner. By the way, he also happened to partner my teacher Marie-Pierre ten years ago (see photo above)! And he provided an interesting if unvoluntary visual effect: sprays of sweat glistening in the spotlight, with each turn and jump. Kathryn Bennets, who rehearsed the ballet, apparently told the dancers that "others too have survived (this)". I can see that In the Middle is the ultimate test for every ballet dancer - and a must-see for every ballet fan!

Jiri Kylian: Bella Figura. Dancer Emmi Pennanen.
Photo courtesy of The Finnish National Ballet / Sakari Viika.

Another intermission, and more bubbly plus delicious pink macarons - you gotta love opening nights! The final pièce de résistance of the evening was Jiri Kylián's Bella Figura. This I had never seen before. But what little I've seen of Kylian's work, has always struck me as genius. In Bella Figura, he employs the curtains as ever changing frames and props for the dancers to wrap themselves into. When the first dancer (Emmi Pennanen) appeared behind the curtains, I was struck both by her vulnerability, physical beauty and strength. The topless-ness of the dancers (both female and male) may be what has given this piece its most fame, but the semi-nudity is never gratuitous. The human body is celebrated as such - in its purest form. Bella Figura made me tear up. Happy tears - for the dancers who get to perform such works of art, and for us viewers who get to share in the experience.

Playtime

Looking at my last post "Without Dance", I should have named it "Without Blogging" instead. But, as life happens, sometimes you get busy with stuff and other stuff suffers. Not to make a mystery of it: I went back to full-time paid employment. Which was a welcome change after stretching my budget till no end. Seriously, the end of all ballet classes was thisclose. So you can imagine my relief and enthusiasm after finally finding what I was looking for, and still being able to dance as much as I want. And need. But the blogging has been hard to squeeze in. For a while, I moved "operations" over to facebook - but I do miss the writing (and hope you've missed it too.) So much for explaining my blogabsence. Now let's get on with the blogging!

"I Want to See Colours From You"

That's what my teacher told me, some weeks ago. I trust she was not refering to my class attire, although I did change into a more colourful outfit the next week: a red cotton tank top, which goes well with my two-layered ballet skirt (black & red), and a crocheted multi-colour triangular scarf to tie around my waist. I figured that it would at least work as a reminder. Because what my teacher was essentially telling me, is that my dancing is kind of bland. Technically fairly neat and clean, and all the arm and head positions correct, but without colours and nuances. Madame wants me to be more pronounced with my épaulement, more creative with my port de tête, and not look like a ballet school robot. She wants to see me dance in class, at the barre, in center - and then do the same on stage. Which is possibly the best feedback I've ever gotten. There was really nothing negative about it ("bland" is my own choice of word). Instead I feel like I've been given a positive task, a compliment even. She must think that I'm ready for it.

If all else fails... ; ) Dancer: Ilmira Bagautdinova. Photo (c) Mark Olich.

"Play With Your Port de Bras"

Seriously, how often do you get told to play in ballet class? For me, it was a first. Now, I've always been confident about my port de bras, and have considered it as one of my strengths in ballet. Madame said nothing to the contrary, she even called it nice and pretty - but now she's asking me to play. Again, I think this is positively awesome advice. All my other classes are very much text-book academic, at least at the barre. Even allongés are strictly regulated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to strict ballet class academics. You do need to learn the rules first before you get to break them. Playtime is earned.

Colour Me Happy

I have to admit that I've been somewhat shy to follow these new in-colour-instructions. I'm not one to shout out my presence in class, or elsewhere for that matter. Blogging is different. But I've noticed something very interesting. When you focus less on your feet, and think more about the upper body dancing - you dancing - then the rest follows much more easily. It can be no coincidence that my triples have returned at the same time I started to "play"! And it makes class so much more joyful when you get to infuse some of your own personality into everything.

Up until recently, I used to think that my weak points (lack of flexibility and turn out, among others) would always outweigh my strong suits and set me apart from the more talented crowd. You know, along the lines of "she dances quite well for an adult, shame about the _____ (insert whatever perceived or real flaw). But it's not like that at all. I have it in me to be a beautiful, elegant and expressive dancer. It's not going to be easy - but I fully expect it to be wonderful. This is why I love to dance, after all.

Without Dance

My eleven-day-ballet-break ends today. First class of 2013 is coming up, and I'm feeling both excitement and a little dread. A bit too much of rest & relaxation during the holidays, not to mention a surplus of chocolates and mulled wine.. Yesterday evening I caught my reflection in the window, and just had to practice arabesques, extending my leg as high as possible. Today my lower back reminds of the fact that I'm not the youngest dancer anymore. Ouch. I vaguely remember a time when eleven days of not dancing was no biggie in terms of bouncing back to ballet form. You went to class and were as good as before. These days I need twice the time of a break to realign myself. I need to keep this in mind, because one of my New Year's dancesolutions is this: Aim high, and work hard - but don't be too hard on yourself!

Dear Readers, I wish you a Happy New Year - many wonderful discoveries, and plenty of ballet bliss!

Snowflakes Outside my Window

Today, on the morning of Christmas Eve, I did my last dash to the grocery store. Not so much dashing as stomping my way through ankle-deep new snow. It has been snowing all of December, every single day, at least that I can remember. On Christmas Eve stores close at noon, and won't open again until Thursday. Finns take Joulu (Finnish for Christmas) very seriously and like to make an early retreat. I do enjoy this time of the year: the snowed-in landscapes, the candle light in the evenings, the mulled wine and other Christmas treats (chocolate being a year-round favorite), the Nutcracker season - and Snowflakes. I love the dance of the Snowflakes most, and wish I could just once be one. Frothy tutu and glittering tiara included. Sadly, the only snowflakes I encounter are outdoors..

Snowflakes in Royal Ballet's Nutcracker. Photo (c) Alice Pennefather / ROH.

When I was still in school, I used to ski and ice skate outdoors whenever there was snow and ice. I'm ashamed to say that I've gotten lazy since. It's much more comfy to sweat in a dance studio, even though sub-zero temperatures mean extra layers of warm-up wear. However, since I discovered that the field at the edge of the forest (I can see it from my window) is now an ice skating field.. Maybe it's time to get myself new skates? I just realised that I haven't ice skated since I started ballet! Professional ballerinas (or those in the making) are probably not supposed to, because of the risk of injury. At least that's what my teacher said. But I'm no ballerina, I can risk falling on my butt. And after twenty years of sticking to non-iced grounds that's pretty likely to happen.

Speaking of ballet (that's what this blog is about after all): I'm taking a break from ballet! Just for the duration of our eleven-day Christmas break, nothing more. And nothing less. This time around, I really need it. There was that stress from moving house, then rehearsals on top of regular classes, then the xmas show, followed by more classes and other stress... and then I kinda zonked out. The last class of 2012 went by in a sloppy-toed and tired blur. My teacher was not pleased with me, she thinks that I take class too seriously and get frustrated too easily - especially when I'm tired or stressed. Which admittedly is not far from the truth, but this time there were circumstances which I explained later. Anyway, my teacher knows me pretty well and reminded that we can't always do and be our best - and that's okay. No reason to get upset over. She's right, of course. But sometimes life is hard, and even ballet class can't make it right. Better, yes.

New York City Ballet's Snowflakes. Photo (c) Paul Kolnik.

So, I'm not really counting the last class of 2012 as the grand finale of my ballet year. That, my friends, took place in the preceding Tuesday and Wednesday lessons. In Marie-Pierre's class I got the kind of corrections that push you further, and the inspiration that lifts you higher - literally. I love that she teaches the way she sees it, without watering ballet down for us adult recreational "ballerinas". The demand for quality is always there, as is the refining of your technique and expression. It doesn't matter so much how high you can lift your legs, but what does matter is how you do it. There is not a moment wasted, not a beat that isn't danced to the best of your ability - present and future.

Tuesday's class was even more awesome than usual. Because of the upcoming Holidays, there were less of us - which translated into more to do and more corrections from a very demanding Marie-Pierre. Sure, I could sometimes take class without, but getting those personal corrections always changes something for the better. Or, at least it gives you an idea where to go from here. For instance, when were doing ronde de jambes, I was told to watch out for that last moment in ecarté (the hardest bit). There are still a few millimeters left to turn my heel out even more. Not forcing anything, but using proper alignment and awareness. I'm continuously surprised that there is so much "more" for me to accomplish! "More!" is in fact something I frequently hear from Madame. It means being generous with your/mine plié, with the length of your allongé, with you presence and projection.

Artists of the National Ballet of Canada backstage at The Nutcracker. Photo (c) Bruce Zinger.

Another awesome moment of Tuesday: I finally nailed my pirouettes right in front of my teacher! She was walking backwards, following our line (a little unnerving) - and I felt confident and on top of my legs. Clean doubles, both en dehors and en dedans. Clean meaning properly aligned heels, which is always a challenge for me. Madame keeps reminding me every time, but this time even she was finally happy. Result! There was also a moment in pointe class. We were doing balances in center, and I had that same secure and calm feeling. From fifth, degagés en avant and arrière (about 45°), and passé retirés - plié and repeat. It's impossible to do the entire exercise without a wobble, but I managed a few nice balances. Marie-Pierre gave me an appreciative nod afterwards on top of the regular praise (she's very generous that way). Yay! There was more, both in the way of corrections and getting-it-right moments - but I want to wrap this up in time to unwrap my xmas presents...

Snowflakes from San Francisco Ballet's Nutcracker. Photo (c) Erik Tomasson.

Wednesday was "Johanna's Pirouette Day." Really, that's what our teacher Gabriella called it after class (not those exact words in English, but that's the gist of it). Most had left already, only a dance buddy (with better turns than mine) was still there. I would have known it even without the praise, but it's always nice being acknowledged. Especially after a very long and insecure non-turning plateau. I'm not sure what was different, because I know my technique has been there for much longer. It must have been the calm and happy state I was in. No stress, just having fun, while remaining focused in the moment. Even my bad spotting was better - and I managed a rare triple (rare for me). My pirouettes were not the only cherries of that class, it was the entire atmosphere: relaxed, fun, motivated. I had enough energy to do two classes back to back, and Gabriella pushed me to go for a deeper penché and a higher leg. Apparently I can do it! Yay!

But now it's time to rest and recharge ballet batteries. My right knee has been acting up since Thursday, I suspect it's something to do with quads and their tendons, right where they attach at the top of the knee. It hurts when I do a deep plie on one leg, and gets achy after being bent for too long. I have now eight full days to recover, and hope that does it. All I plan to do is enjoy the snow (inside and outdoors), watch several Nutcrackers, read some, write some, eat well and plenty, meet family and friends and have a lovely time. I wish you the same: a wonderful Christmas and Happy Holidays!

- Johanna

All photos not credited are (c) Pointe Til You Drop.

Get Your Face On

I'm pretty good with my port de bras. At times I have to watch out for the droopy elbows, and take care that fingers don't freeze into positions. Oh, and make sure that arms are not too high in first, and not too far back in couronne. But, all in all, I think that my port de bras is one of my stonger suits. This, however, is not the case with my port de tête. I know to look sideways when the steps call for it, or front when it's first arabesque - you know, the basic directions. But other than that, my face and eyes tend to stay too much straight ahead. It makes my dancing look static, like I'm just going through the motions.

"Present yourself!" It's perhaps the most frequent guidelines we get to hear in class - and personally speaking, one of the hardest. I get shy in front of an audience, even if it's just the teacher and my classmates watching. Not the kind of shy where I blush and retreat to the corner, but the kind that has me dancing smaller than I could. Like a wallflower, instead of a blooming rose.. I hesitate to put myself out there, to get my face on and dance full out, expressions and all. I'd rather keep my poker face, check my alignment in the mirror and smile mostly on the inside.

Somewhere along I forgot that dancing involves the entire body, literally from head to toes. Partly it's because the performing aspect is fairly new to me. Before, ballet class was something I did for myself only - in the sense that an (imaginary) audience was never part of class. I enjoyed dancing as such, and did not give much thought to what my face looked like or when and how I should tilt my head. Or how to project and present myself. But I'm getting there.

Seeing myself on video has definitely helped. After you get over the cringe-factor, it's an excellent learning experience. I could see that while my chaînés turned alright, my head was too slow to spot. It made my turning look sluggish. I could also see that the lack of port de tête makes my dancing look boring, which is not the quality I'm looking for! One of my teachers (Marie-Pierre) saw our spring show, and noted the same (the static head - not the boring aspect). Yesterday, she told me that she had planned to work on this with me, but during the long summer break kind of forgot about it (we have been focusing on other things). Anyway, we had a short chat before class about the upcoming show, and then she made me work like I was on stage already. Marie-Pierre reminded me to use my head and eyes and gave me exact directions, even through pointe class. When to tilt my head in pas de bourré, change directions, or how to present myself - not just the basic academics, but the dancing. There is so much to learn, so much to express! A subtle movement here, a big pose there. Nuances, shades and colours. Time to get my face on.

Moving Day

I've been saying that home is where the barre is, but last week I found myself a new home. Initially, this was not by choice but out of necessity. My old building is undergoing massive renovation and us renters were asked to vacate our apartments by a certain due date. I found my new place pretty much last-minute, and had to arrange everything within a week. I gotta tell you, I haven't been this tired in years. Did a crazy amount of sorting, recycling and throwing stuff out, packing, lifting, carrying, and unpacking stuff. The amount of said stuff one person accumulates over the years is just unbelievable. I finally had to say goodbye to stacks of ancient Dance Magazines (I saved one), shabby leos and even most of my old (pointe) shoes. But I did make a few fun discoveries in the process, like ballet programmes I had saved from almost twenty years ago..

Well, I couldn't throw Darcey out! The issue is from September 1994, and Darcey was hailed as a Balanchine natural..  The programme in the middle is from Platel's and Legris' guest performance in Giselle, here at the Finnish National Ballet. I can't believe it's been twenty years! I still remember that night, it was pure magic. Legris had the most insane batterie, and Platel was just so delicate and beautiful. Another thing that continues to amaze me: I have danced a small bit from Giselle on that same stage! Of course it's not the National Ballet's stage anymore (they moved into a new building), but I love the history of that old theatre. On the far right is the programme from POB's 1995 tour to Finland. I got to see "Paquita" (Grand Pas and Pas de Trois), Balanchine's "The Four Temperaments" and Forsythe's "In the Middle, Somewhat Elevated". Etoiles such as Nicholas Le Riche, Laurent Hilaire, Monique Loudières, Isabelle Guerin, principal dancers Agnès Letestu, José Martinez, and up-and-coming dancers such as Aurélie Dupont. It was absolutely breathtaking and flabbergasting, and I still remember the chills down my spine.

In between the packing and unpacking I managed to sneak in a few ballet classes. Which I can barely remember, I was that tired. But I needed class so bad even a snow storm couldn't stop me! My body was in all the wrong kinds of pain: stabbing needles in my neck, weird aches all over - I knew a good barre would set me right again. And that it did, although it took me almost a week to recover fully. Meanwhile, lots of wobbly balances and spaced-out moments mid-music. Who knew left and right could be so hard to keep apart? But I'm good now - and happily settled in my new-home-without-a-barre. It's a tiny studio, but neat and with a nice view into the woods and the sky above. The name of the street has a poetic sound to it, and if I were to translate it into English, I could say I'm living on a moonbeam.. Kind of fitting for a former wili, don't you think?

My Big Move inspired me to make another change: I moved my barre spot in class! We had to switch studios because one of the fixed barres snapped into half, and apparently you can't buy spare barres off the shelve. So while we wait for our new custom-made barre to be delivered, we have taken over the big studio with the grand windows and view to the theatre and Finland's biggest department store. It's a nice view, with Christmas lights and snow-frosted trees. I had already settled back into my old spot, but after moving homes I decided to be bold. I switched in front of a window, which is a bit drafty this time of the year, but I get to see myself in profile to the mirror. It's not my favorite angle, but that's why it makes sense! My teacher noticed my move too, and thought it a good idea. Now I can check my alignment in the mirror and adjust my popo, turn-out, heels, and whatnot. Mind you, this is not a permanent move. Once we get back into our regular studio, everyone is likely to return to their old spots. Still, it all feels like new beginnings..

Ballet, Unplugged

The Big Ballet Studio of the Finnish National Ballet.
Photo credit: mine.

A few weeks back, I had another opportunity to watch company class at the Finnish National Ballet, always a fascinating experience. This time there was a huge bonus treat: after class we got to observe the principals' rehearsal for Kenneth Greve's new ballet Snow Queen, with choreography still in the making! It's one of those fly-on-the-wall moments you dream of.. Seriously, I would be more than happy to hang around the Opera building for the entire day. I could do laundry, fill water bottles, collect stray hairpins, write more blogs, whatever.

We were met at the personnel's entrance half past ten by one of FNB's coordinators, and duly escorted to the big ballet studio. I would have known my way around already, but you gotta follow protocol and stick with your group. We got to class just as the dancers were moving to the center. There was a guest teacher; the charming, energetic and suitably strict Mr. Sandor Nemethy. There were, however, fewer dancers, as Saturday is a voluntary training day (unless there's rehearsal afterwards). Those dancers who are performing later in the day have of course their own warm-up class in addition. But, I was happy to sight familiar (and favorite) principals and soloists and up-and-coming corps dancers, all amazing artists with distinctive qualities of their own. I don't know how happy they were to have an improptu audience, but at least I couldn't sense any discord. On the contrary, some seemed to enjoy the extra attention, giving us a full-out performance! To anyone of you dancers (Mira, Tiina, Salla, Wilfried..) reading this: thanks for making my day!

You know what I like so much about watching company class, aside from the mad skills and gorgeous ballet-bodies? You get to see the dancers work on their craft, in plain view, without all the glamorous accroutements of a staged performance. It's ballet's equivalent of MTV Unplugged. The other reason I like to observe pros in class is kinda obvious: I try to watch every move they make, and soak it all up. The refined épaulement, the port de bras, the linking steps and all that happens in between. Seriously, you learn a lot from watching other (professional) dancers. You also learn that they are not perfect either, make mistakes, take risks, fail at pirouettes - and they get corrections just like us. Another thing I observed is that when the pianist is playing, the dancers are dancing! If the exercise ends mid-diagonale, you either run out of the way or stand still and trust your fellow dancers not to knock you over! The energy is just awesome, and every time I get to observe I want to join in so badly.. Not that I could ever keep up. It took me about four diagonals to pick up the brisé-exercise which they all got after verbal instructions alone.

After class, six dancers remained and it was time for rehearsal. When the choreographer (and Artistic Director) Kenneth Greve explained that there were still minutes of choreography missing, I was way more pleased than if it had been a rehearsal of ready-made steps! How cool to see the creative process in progress..

My Barre-Spot

Note to self: working leg needs to be slightly more to the front.
That will drop the hip down and improve turn-out.

There it is, my spot at the barre. I take it without even thinking about it, and so far I've never had to chase anyone away. Not that I would.. Okay, not entirely true. When we still had class in our bigger studio, my spot was at the short end - and because the piano was against the same wall, there was only room enough for one. At least when class was not over-crowded. I was very attached to that barre-spot, and everyone else had their places marked too. But occasionally there was a drop-in student who went straight for my spot (even though I already had my water bottle in place), and I just had to let her know. "I'm sorry but this is my place." I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, even though lots of dancers are known to be quite territorial about their barre spots!

Earlier on, I used to change places fairly often to get different views in the mirror (or no views). But, when you have the same crowd coming to class it all kind of settles into a routine. And it's nice and it feels a bit like coming home. I like my spot at the barre because there's no one in front to distract me. Which also means there's no one to copy from, so I really have to pay attention! I gotta tell you, there have been a few times when I've regretted being first in line. Ever had total black-outs right after you said "no" to the "any questions?"

I like having a bit of a familiar routine in class, but there are drawbacks to being stuck on the same spot.  Like in my Tuesday class. Our teacher does her demonstrations in front of me (I make room), and then begins her barre-round with me. Which means I frequently get corrected during my first plié, but almost never mid- or end-exercise. I don't think my teacher has ever seen me doing cambrés in seconde, up in relevé. I have pretty good balance, and it's something she might note. Or correct, if needed. Although, sometimes when an exercise ends in a difficult balance, and she hasn't seen everyone do it, she will have you do it again. And check the entire barre.

Still, I think I might benefit from an occasional change of barre-spots. Question is, who will trade theirs with mine? And can I have mine back afterwards?

Midway through fondues.. Hang on, it was fondue devant, close to fifth,
then degagé with the back leg into low arabesque, close again and
continue with fondues a la seconde. Possibly.

Home is Where the Barre is

At times it feels like I'm adrift in a sea of uncertainties, without any clear outlook on my future. Who am I going to be when I (finally and supposedly) grow up? What's my next job like? Where will I live? What the heck am I doing with my life? Is this really it, and should I have already counted my blessings many times over? But when I dance, there are no such conundrums.

I go to class and my anchor is thrown. For one hour, 90 minutes or three classes, I know I'm in the exactly right place. No place I'd rather be. Dancing makes me happy; before, during and after class. There are days when it's all the joie de vivre there is, but how many do experience such enjoyment on a daily basis? Granted, not every class is or has been wonderful. Sometimes I just don't feel it. I might be tired and sore, and lacking confidence and spirit. But even those bad days have been worth it. If nothing else, they at least have paved the way for better times!

As I type this during the last hour of Sunday, I can't help but have a smile on my face. There is no Sunday night blues, no worries. I know there are many who dread Mondays, but for me it marks the beginning of another week of dance. And I look forward to coming home, once again.

My ballet buddy and I having a great time.

Human Pretzel in Training

Did my best impression of a human pretzel in ballet class. Another set of those insane stretches our über-flexible primaballerina teacher likes to give us. She calls them "possible", since you can always lower your leg and hold the stretch at your own height. Sure you can, if your arms are long enough to reach.. The exercise goes like this: stand facing the barre, lift right leg into passé retiré, then into a small attitude devant, enough that you take hold of your right heel with your left hand. Now straighten leg to the front and pull as close to your body as possible. It's really nothing more than a standing split. Which is not nothing, as I can barely stretch into a split on the floor. But I did manage it with my more flexible left leg in front. Right leg - not a chance in hell. I was pleased I could get the limb over the higher barre and then rest it there. Er, I meant strech. Not rest. By the way, this was still the easy part.

We then repeated the first part, passé and attitude, grab right heel with left hand and extend - but to a la seconde! Again, with my right leg up not even remotely possible. I switched hands (right hand for right heel) and did my stretch the regular way. You could of course have lifted the leg onto the barre, or held the leg lower. Our teacher never asks anyone to push beyond their own maximum stretching ability, and she makes sure we are being careful. It's no shame to have lower extension or less in the way of rubber ligaments. Still, it would be so nice.. No wonder then I keep having these dreams where I can lift my back leg in an attitude high enough to touch my bun. Or where I suddenly have six o' clock extensions, totally effortless. It's like my inner ballerina is having a stretch-fest in my dreams. Shame she has to wake up each time to a considerably tighter reality.

But this time I almost had my bendy Barbie moment. I took hold of my left heel with my right hand and maneuvered the extended leg to the side, not unlike operating heavy machinery. Found the angle very akward with my right shoulder coming so much forward. Then had the brilliant idea to move my right arm behind my head, all the while holding the left leg in the air. And it was so close to a full side-split, my eyes almost popped out along with my right shoulder. I could have made it, if I just had a little bit more length in my arms. That or looser hip joints.

Seriously, I need to keep perspective. Not so long ago I was happy to stretch my leg to shoulder height (talon a la main), and getting this far is a huge improvement for me. I also need to be careful. I'm really not sure it's the best idea to push too much against body type. I happen to have tight ligaments and muscles, but on the up side, I have a strong jump. Wouldn't want to loose my bounce to over-stretching. Can that even happen? Does anybody know?

Anyway, don't you get any crazy ideas from my barre maneuver. Always practice safe stretching!

I dunno why she doesn't look any happier. I would grin big time in this position!
The photo is from Wear Moi's gallery, click here for more.

Is it Show-Time Already?

Nothing has been confirmed yet, but looks like we're going to reprise our Don Quixote -inspired dance for the school's xmas show! Yay! Now it just depends on whether we get enough of our original cast together. It's always tricky with us adults, especially right before the holidays. We have to be able to commit to additional rehearsals, and be free to dance just two days before all of Finland retreats home to spend Christmas. I know some of our "corps" has travel plans, while a few others are no longer at our school (or even in the same country). I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we get to go back on stage - I have really missed the experience!

I also hope to dance and perform better than I did last time. (Read the re-cap from our spring performance here: Ballerina for a Day.) Our teacher has already given us pre-rehearsal preparation to do: we have to rewatch the video from the spring show and rememorize our steps and positions. I remember being much too nervous to enjoy my entrance, and it shows. My piqué attitudes look like a dog trying to take a leak. It still makes me cringe, but not so bad that I can't make a joke about it! This much I've learned from my very few performing opportunities: there's always something you could have done better (and did do better in rehearsals). You might sail through the most difficult part and then screw up the easiest steps. It happens, shit happens. But as long as you keep going, it doesn't really matter. The audience wants to see you do well and have a good time on stage. You want the audience to enjoy your dance. It's a win-win situation, even if you should fall on your butt. Which I haven't done yet. Phew..

My attitudes are not the only thing that I look forward to make over. Watching that video, I keep wondering: where's my smile? I need to smile! Show some teeth! True, it's hard to flash a genuine smile when you're nervous and trying not to mess up the steps.. But maybe if I just fake it at first, it becomes natural as I dance along? I also need to work on my épaulement, it's still too "ballet class" and not enough Don Q. Gawd, the list of repairs doesn't end there. Must have a snappier head while spotting chaînés deboulés, and prettier arms when jumping. And please, not forget to point toes and stretch knees! And it wouldn't hurt to wear more eye make-up. Now, I know very well it's not going to be perfect next time around. I might have the best attitudes ever, and then be disappointed with my final grand jeté. But that's the beauty of a live one-chance-only performance. Even when you know the steps and counts, you never know at what precise moment the magic happens.