February 23, 2015

My Ballet Habits

"A pirouette is not a pirouette unless you complete it." I was practising my turns on the side, when I got the correction/reprimand from our guest teacher. It was not the first time either. My own teacher is equally strict about it: you do not mark your arms in turns, and you always finish your pirouettes. In other words, cultivate only good habits.

Bad habits, once they have imprinted themselves onto muscle memory, are very hard to get rid off. You might not even know that you're doing something wrong, because it feels right. Which is why changing an old habit takes a lot of time and conscious effort. Essentially, you have to re-wire your brain. I have done this, and I'm still doing it. Some of you might remember my posts about the dreaded "banana foot", which is how my teacher describes a sickled foot. The "banana" used to make recurrent appearances in my tendu degagés and passé retirés (especially in pirouettes). I never knew I had this problem, until Madame pointed it out. For the past four years, we have been working on getting rid of it. Lots of work, countless corrections. And while the sickled foot is not yet completely extinct, it has become a rarity. I just wish I could have avoided it in the first place.

The Banana has not been my only bad habit, or tendency (or glitch in personality). Technical challenges aside, I've been working to improve my mental attitude in class as well. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fairly hardworking and focused student, but I'm also prone to let bad days and momentary setbacks overwhelm me. There was the video recording from class which rattled my self-confidence, the challenging stretch which I could not do (and I was extremely annoyed at this), life in general, fouetté turns in particular, body issues and whatnot. Not every class, but whenever I'm feeling more tired than usual and/or particularily vulnerable. I can get in a mood, and withdraw. It's not a happy place...

But I'm learning. That time I was super annoyed (or "pissed off" as my teacher called it), I managed to turn my mood around, and use the pent-up negative energy for a positive boost. Guess what? It was one of my best classes. The video recording? Cringeworthy, but ultimately worth it. While I was not happy seeing my many mistakes and flaws, I now have much better understanding of the work that needs to be done. It's a lot more than I thought! The body issues? Working on it. Life in general? That's a tough one. Sometimes, problems can affect my mood in class. But class is also an escape from the rest of the world, so there's that. I can give myself permission to think of nothing except ballet, at least for those 90 minutes.

Focus. My undivided attention. Not letting setbacks get to me. Making a conscious effort every time. Pushing myself, believing that I can. Those are the habits that I try to cultivate in class, along with every correction I receive. It is a challenge, but there can be no progress without change. And the way I see it, ballet is about the journey and making discoveries, never about standing still.

P.S. After the pirouette reprimand, I worked twice as hard, really paying attention to my finishes. When class was over, I continued practicing. My teacher saw what I was doing and gave me extra pointers and corrections. I need to work on my arm-plié coordination before the turn, lift my chin, and relax my neck, among other things. I'm happy to say that there has been some progress! Now I just need to make a habit out of it.

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